A Year and A Day
by subtleshadeofgrey
Summary: Dean's deal is due and Sam has a last minute plan but can Dean deal with the consequences. Girl!Dean, Mpreg!Dean. Not wincest, not slash. Deancentric
1. Chapter 1

**A YEAR AND A DAY**

**By Subtleshadeofgrey**

SUPERNATURAL AU

Summary: Dean's deal is due and Sam has one final card to play to get him out of it but does the end justify the means? Will Dean be able to accept his new status and hold onto his position as big brother?

A/N This is an AU from season 3. I must warn that Sam is a bit of a jerk in this for quite a time but he comes good in the end ( get your minds out of the gutter - it's not that sort of fic!). As much as Sam is less than perfect Dean makes up for it.( I know Dean has his faults as well but it's my pair of rose coloured glasses I'm looking through - so there.)

A/N2 This fic combines two of my favourite genres i.e Girl Dean! And Mpreg (also Dean) Neat trick! It also contains more angst than most gender swap fics but a little humour along the way. Although the mpreg element might lead you to think Wincest it isn't. It isn't even slash!

A/N3 Finally a quick word about characters - John is dead but Caleb and Jim are alive ( not The Brotherhood Caleb but if he displays similar emotional traits it's because I think we are all influenced by Ridley et al's awesome depiction). Bobby & Missouri feature ( somebody has to support Dean while Sam is being a Ruby fixated control freak) Ruby is a bitch & may appear out of context and/or out of character but she has to be useful for something! ( Me biased?! …Nah!) oc's will pop up now and then but no Mary Sues.

Canon will be adhered to, misused, ignored and generally mucked about with as I need to for the story but there is no Lilith, Angels V Demons, Seals etc story arc.

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It was time. Every other avenue had been investigated, every spell tried and every supernatural loophole researched. But, true to the crossroads Demon's word, the deal was watertight and tomorrow, sometime between dawn and midnight his brother would be ripped from him by hellhounds and his soul dragged down into the pit to be tortured for eternity.

Sam gazed at the relaxed features of his older brother as he lay sleeping, a shaft of moonlight highlighting how young and vulnerable he looked without his cocky mask on. He would wonder how Dean could sleep so peacefully when he was just hours away from death, and worse, but the strong sleeping pills he'd slipped him several hours ago had made his slumber inevitable. Sam winced at the memory of the look of rebuke or possibly even betrayal on his brother's face as he seemed to realise what had happened but he had been too drowsy to fight it. Sam hadn't wanted to do it but if he was going to save his brother it needed to be done this way. It was in the terms of the contract; if Dean took any part in trying to free himself of the deal then Sam would once again be dead and as much as he would gladly give his life for his brother he knew it would destroy the older man.

Sam began to place the items needed for the ritual around his brothers drugged body. As he drew back the sheet, raised Dean's T shirt and marked the sigils on the exposed chest he smiled at the thought that this one and only chance had come courtesy of the very demon who brokered the deal and she didn't even know it.

**FLASHBACK**

"Just … please… take me instead. I'll make you any deal you like; just please spare my brother."

Sam felt the blush rise to his cheeks as the demon laughed. Not even demonically but an outright giggle.

"Oh please Sam! Even if I could take you I wouldn't. You're already spoken for and I'm not stupid enough to cross that line. Besides…", she bent forward and spoke in a mock confiding tone, "you wouldn't believe how many demons are waiting to get their hands, claws, meat hooks and other sundry torture implements and bodily appendages into our boy…" her grin was sadistic almost to the point of rapture.

"There must be something I can do; after all **I** didn't agree to this deal and it was **me** that was brought back." Sam's tone was petulant and angry and he felt a moment of shame that part of that anger was directed at his brother for his unasked for sacrifice. The demon, however, seemed to have lost none of her confidence or enthusiasm. That deal had earned her a lot of brownie points down below.

"Sorry kid, but you were the merchandise being dealt, not the negotiator. And I can guarantee you that the only way for Dean to get out of this deal would be if he wasn't Dean anymore."

**END FLASHBACK**

Sam finished lighting the blue white and pink candles as he recalled the spark of hope when the demon's words had led him to believe that he could turn his brother into some sort of animal until the deal time had passed; a hope which had quickly died when he discovered that that only worked in Harry Potter novels. He had discovered a ritual to temporarily change his brother's gender only to face yet another blow when he realised that his soul would remain the same and it was his soul that the demon would be collecting. But this, this he just knew would work. As soon as he had read the ritual he knew that with a little tweaking he could do it.

With a voice that was far stronger and far steadier than he felt Sam began to intone the latin words that should… no… would save his brother, even though he wouldn't see those familiar features again for a year and a day.

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Dean winced at the bright shaft of sunlight that cut across his eyes and threw his arm across his face to block it out. He lowered the arm again as he felt himself being stared at. He turned his head to the side, feeling nauseous at the movement; he hadn't been drinking last night had he? He'd been determined not to start his final day with a hangover. As his brain became accustomed to his new position and his eyes lost their sleepy fog the source of that watched feeling became clear.

Sam

And with the clear picture came the clear memory of seeing his brother's guilty yet determined face just before he'd sunk into a drugged sleep.

Dean's first thoughts were angry ones but the knowledge that this was their final day together made him push back down the harsh words that wanted to spring to his lips.

Besides there was a look on his brother's face that he'd never seen before… stunned goldfish sprang to mind. And why was he so silent?

"Dude?"

'_What the fuck_?!' Dean cleared his throat and tried again as Sam started to gnaw at his fingernails… not a good sign.

"Sam… What the hell?" It was no use. He didn't know whose voice that was but it certainly wasn't his. Hell it wasn't even a he! So why were the words coming out of his mouth?

"Dean I can explain…. It was the only way… Dean?…Dean?"

Dean wasn't paying attention. He was too busy staring at his hands, his small, feminine looking hands. Sitting up he tried not to notice the formerly short hair that now fell down around his shoulders, and the way his sleep Tee seemed to have gotten several sizes bigger.

Little brother be damned… he was going to kill him!

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Sam had been sitting, mesmerized by the sight of his brother's new form for the past several hours. It had been different than he had expected, not that he had expected anything specific but there had been an image in his head of Dean, but somehow softened, tall for a girl, with short darkish hair, gold flecked green eyes and freckles. Well the eyes were closed but the freckles were there; ghostly smudges in the moonlight. The rest? Well not quite as he'd pictured. His 6' tall brother now couldn't have been more than 5'1" and the short hair was now ash blonde and came halfway down his, no, her, back.

Dean was gonna kill him!

As soon as his former brother began to wake Sam's heart rate sped up and his nails found their way between his teeth; a habit that even Jess hadn't been able to break him of. Sam mustered all his courage, added a dash of moral justification and finished with a quick silent prayer to whatever deity that didn't reek of sulphur would listen to him.

"Dude?"

Sam winced. The voice was as sweet and soft as cotton candy and totally feminine.

'_Oh God! I am so dead'_

Dean listened to Sam's explanation; his reasoning and his promise that this would work; that without his own soul the demons wouldn't be able to touch him. Sam reassured him that his own soul was safe because it could only be taken via death and they couldn't kill this new body because the contract was specifically for Dean. Kill the 'girl' and not only do they lose the chance to get Dean later but both his and the new soul would go straight to heaven. Something which Ruby assured him the higher echelon demons wished to avoid for reasons she didn't know.

Dean saw the logic, although he frowned at Sam's constant reliance on intel from Ruby, the skank. He admired the ingenuity that his brother had displayed and the plan itself had a sort of beauty to it but there was something that Sam hadn't yet touched on.

"Who is she Sammy? Did she volunteer to let me hijack her soul? 'Cause I gotta say, dude, that that's a pretty big sacrifice to make for a complete stranger. I can't feel anyone else in my head so where is she?"

Sam had expected questions; well, in truth, he had expected yelling and maybe some throwing of objects, which was why he had removed Dean's knife from under his pillow while he slept; but somehow he never expected his brother, the doer, not the greatest thinker in the family, to cut right to the heart, or should he say soul, of the matter. But at least he had some good news for him. This part of his plan had been sheer genius if he did say so himself!

"It's OK Dean, nobody gave themselves up. The body and soul your mind is occupying didn't exist before tonight and in a year and a day she'll cease to exist again."

Dean stared at his beaming little brother, and wasn't that a joke now that he appeared to be the size of a Barbie doll in comparison to his giant sibling. He shoved the mention of the timescale this whole fiasco involved to one side and wondered if Sam had really grasped the enormity of what he had done. To create a fully fledged human life and then calmly talk of its ending as though he had just built a snowman which would melt in the spring thaw. How could he not see how cruel it was…it was just wrong. But it wasn't Sammy's fault; the fault was all his; for making the deal in the first place and for not protecting Sammy from the attack that killed him. And now some innocent soul, in the truest sense of the word, was to be sacrificed to his own stupidity. But Sam should still have realised how potentially FUBAR an idea this was. Hadn't his experiences after the electrocution and the miracle healer taught him not to mess with human life? Now it was happening again and he couldn't even be angry at Sam because he knew that if their positions were reversed he would have done the same thing. And whatever faults Dean Winchester would lay claim to being a hypocrite was not one of them.

He took a deep breath and tried to push the last of the heavy drug induced grogginess out of his brain as he tried to clarify Sam's actions.

"So you just created a new human being out of thin air?" He felt it might be best to steer clear of any mention of the ending of said life for now. His brother obviously couldn't have thought it through. That was one of Sam's problems. He was big into research but he tended to stop once he had the information he needed whereas Dean knew from the experience of many lone hunts that you had to think out ALL the permutations before you acted, and do it quickly. Sam had just never realised that Dean did that. Dean knew that his brother regarded him as a bit lacking in the brains department and yes, if he gave it some thought the dismissiveness hurt, but that's why he didn't think about it. Instead he thought only of what he needed to, to save lives and kill the baddies. But this, this he couldn't figure out either fast or slow. And besides, every time he moved bits of his body that he shouldn't possess moved too and it was distracting!

Realising that he was wandering again and by the frown on his brother's face obviously not paying due attention to the far too involved explanation he brought his brain back in line once again.

"I mean I'm not a golem Sam, I'm flesh and blood. So what the hell am I Sammy?" To emphasize his point he threw back the covers and stood, dramatically indicating his own, and that was up for debate, body with an elegant hand only to have said gesture fall flat as his now overlarge boxers fell down around his ankles. He glared at his brother, daring him to laugh.

Sam's incipient laughter died in his throat and he flinched a little at the glare in his brother's, or should that be sister's? eyes, but dammit he was proud of his success. Even Dad wouldn't have been able to accomplish this! And when Dean realised what he had done he would be proud too.

"I created her from potential."

"Huh?"

"Potential Dean" Dean tried to ignore the condescending tone… for now. "At first I wondered about turning you into an animal but…."

"Ain't possible little bro' Not outside the movies anyway."

Sam frowned; did everybody but him know that?

"Exactly" he exclaimed, ignoring the whole animal subject. "And a simple gender swap would have left your soul in situ" Dean nodded for him to carry on as Sam paused, either for Dean to absorb the information or for dramatic purpose. In truth the older brother didn't care he just wanted answers, and quickly, he had a feeling that time was running out.

"Well" continued Sam, "I sort of combined two spells and linked them with a third. The first one took your own soul and placed it… well I'm not sure exactly where…" At Dean's alarmed expression, which looked quite cute on his new face…Sam hoped his amusement hadn't been obvious because he didn't think Dean would appreciate being regarded as cute at the moment…

"No, it's safe; it's just that the words were obscure. I think that it's in a kind of limbo, a sort of extra dimension. Anyway then I took a potential birth spell…"

"And again… huh?"

Sam sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. Somehow doing it had been a lot easier than explaining it, especially when you weren't talking to the brightest bulb in the box.

"The spell comes in two parts. The first part shows you what you would have been born as if your own birth potential hadn't been first in line. In mine I would still have been a boy but in yours you would have been a girl; the second part swaps the first and second potentials around. It was lucky that you would have been a girl because the linking ritual I used to combine the two spells required both genders; in fact I think it was originally a curse to download the personality of a man into the body of a woman. Probably to teach lecherous husbands a lesson."

"Sam!" Sometimes his brother's geek researcher genes took over and this was complicated enough as it was. Not that he didn't understand so far but he wasn't liking the sound of it.

"Sorry I was wandering. Anyway that's about it. Between the spells I've separated your soul and put your personality and memories into the empty soul of your potential . You are, in effect, your own sister! And because only the memories are yours the demon can't take the soul that they're in….QED" Sam was even more proud of his work now that he'd actually heard himself say it than he had been while he was doing it. And by the look on his brother/sister's face he/she was pretty impressed too.

Dean was stunned. He didn't know whether to congratulate Sam on his solution, and he had been right, Dean could see instantly that the contract would be broken, or whether to punch him out for doing something with such far reaching consequences. Consequences that he himself could only see the edges of right now but which filled him with foreboding nonetheless. However any idea of doing either was forgotten as both men heard the eerie howl of no mortal breed of dog.

The hellhounds had arrived.

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And so had the crossroads demon. She had been looking forward to this moment all year. A Winchester! Not only a Winchester but the worst of the lot. Oh Daddy Winchester was a badass hunter in his day but demons understood revenge. They knew what made John Winchester tick and that had made him vulnerable. And Sam, well Sam was a special case; but Dean Winchester held a delicate balance of ruthlessness and compassion. Yes he killed, but he killed to protect. Even though his mother had been killed by a demon he somehow kept the lust for revenge at bay by channelling it into saving innocents. Ugh! It made her, and all like her, positively sick. It was incomprehensible. But now his compassion and his one fear, of being alone, had done their damage and he was hers. She let loose the hounds that only she could see and waited for the screaming to begin…..

And waited.

Sam and Dean stood transfixed as the motel room door slammed back into the wall taking out chunks of plaster on it's impact. They could feel the air stir around them as the invisible hounds approached them, milling about in search of their prey. Invisible they may have been but they were not inaudible. Dean could hear the dogs howl as they entered the room, followed by their mistress. He could hear them sniffing and snuffling as they tried to pick up the special scent of his soul…and with a sense of relief he heard them start to whine as they bypassed him completely, circled round and returned to a furious demon who stood with her arms crossed and a scowl on her not so attractive features.

The hounds quieted as the demon walked forward and stood in front of the small human woman. She looked deeply into the green and gold eyes and smiled. It wasn't a pleasant smile Dean noted as he stared back without expression. He could just see Sam out of the corner of his eye fidgeting and rocking back and forth on his heels, obviously desperate to intervene but not wanting to trigger the still present hounds.

"Did you know?" the demon asked, an air of defeat in her tone which he expected and a hint of amusement, which he didn't. He shook his head, no. Dean didn't react as she reached out and touched his temple and his subtle hand gesture to stay back kept Sam in position too.

Her touch told her the truth she didn't want to hear. He had had no knowledge. The Winchesters had won again.

Or had they? The demon seemed to look away into nothing and then she turned to Sam and to his consternation she laughed…again. He was getting really tired of that.

"You really don't get it do you Sammy?"

"It's Sam you bitch and I get all I need to. You lose. You can't take my brother so get out and take your entourage with you."

She ignored his posturing and tilted her head toward the older sibling. "He gets it. Or at least he has an idea. And when this all falls apart we'll have two for one. It'll be worth the wait I think." She turned fully toward the girl/Dean.

"You'll wreck it like you've wrecked everything else in your life you know."

Dean wanted to hit out at the certainty in the grating voice. He wanted to face her down and prove that her words weren't true and that her prediction didn't scare him. But it was a lot more difficult when you were practically the size of a garden gnome and, he suspected, having not actually seen himself yet, had the intense glare of a five year old. Besides he feared that she was right. Demons lie but not when the truth could do more damage.

The demon knew that she had the upper hand in the war of attrition even if she had lost this particular battle and she was about to go for the jugular when a sudden high pitched barking filled the air.

'_Oh God_!' she thought _'kill me now' _The two brothers watched with fascination as the supercilious expression dropped from the demons face to be replaced by one of…embarrassment? They looked towards the door which was still ajar, as the dogs whined in an echo of their mistress's distress.

Suddenly a, highly visible, very energetic puppy came hurtling through the door, it's demonic red eyes glowing and it's tail wagging madly. It slid to a stop in front of the demon and promptly rolled over onto its back and wriggled in the hope of a belly rub. The demon didn't know which was worse, the sympathetic snufflings of her precious pack or the grins on the faces of the two Winchesters.

"So" Dean managed between chuckles "do they all start out that…um…cute. Or is she a part of some special lick 'em to death pack?" Neither brother could hold back their laughter and the puppy, attracted by the sound flipped back to it's too big paws to investigate. Sam stopped laughing as the puppy gave him a little growl and dismissive sniffle and trotted over to the girl/not girl…prey/not prey. Once again she rolled over in hope of attention and whimpered with delight as Dean obliged.

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Sam and Dean didn't know how it happened but one minute they were laughing at the demon's expression and the next, with a garbled explanation of a mistaken night of passion between one of her pack and a mortal greyhound , a dramatic flash of light that sent a connecting thread between the pup and Dean and a suspiciously relieved sounding "It's yours." the demon and her pack vanished, leaving a gaping Sam, a bemused Dean and a very happy puppy.

Dean looked down at the dog then up, and up, at his brother and with a passable attempt at a glare asked

"Did I hear you say something about a year and a day?"

TBC

A/N So? Worth continuing? I do warn that it will not be Sam friendly for a good while. Not in an evil way and it won't be entirely his fault, his only female influences have been Jess who he put on a pedestal, and Ruby who….well, no comment. I guess I just want to put Dean on my own pedestal and have everybody see how wonderful he is. It's something Sam needs to learn.

Next chapter has Dean choosing a name for both himself and the pup, learning how girls shop and breaking the news to Bobby. Also angst as Dean comes to terms with having and being his own sister!


	2. Chapter 2

A Year And A Day - Chapter 2

A/N Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint too much. Just to clarify that the Mpreg element happens later in the fic and may not be the result of a happy situation if you get my drift. Although this 'situation' is open to change if demand makes it necessary, the pregnancy itself is not.

A/N2 Although Dean is now female I will continue to refer to her as him and when he chooses his name the narrative parts of the story will still use Dean because while he may be addressed in conversation by his girl name in essence he is still Dean.

"Did I hear you say something about a year and a day?"

"Um…."

"Well?" Dean's glare was broken as he responded to the sudden tugging near his feet. He looked down to see the puppy making a valiant attempt to rend his fallen boxers limb from limb. He stepped out of them, kicked them aside and leant down to pick up the ecstatic animal which he correctly assumed hadn't been shown much affection in it's short life.

"Oh no!" Sam declared.

Dean noted the look of determination on his brother's face and gave him the combined cocky smirk and raised eyebrow that he knew drove him crazy. The furrowed brow and thin lipped glare he received in response told him that his 'piss off Sammy' look was not gender specific. It didn't stop him though, it never did.

"No what Sammy?"

"We are not keeping it."

"Dude I may be female for a while…a long while…and don't think I've forgotten about that…" Sam's blush indicated that he had hoped just that. "And I may not be built like an Amazon"… '_and Sam really shouldn't repeat that snort if I were him'_ thought Dean as he absently scratched behind the dog's floppy ear. "But I am not in any way shape or form a child and that means that you don't get to tell me what to do. I'm still your older brother and while that doesn't give me the right to boss you around since you keep telling me that you're old enough to make your own decisions it still leaves us as equals."

Sam had been waiting to get a word in as his brother gave vent to his feelings but just as he was about to list the many logical reasons why they never had and would never have pets Dean shot him down with a single sentence.

"Besides bro' do you want to be the one to ask the pound for a nice new home for my **hellhound. **Maybe with a nice family…2.2kids…"

"OK I get the point. But you're going to be the one taking care of it and if it turns evil it's toast."

"Great. Now answer my question."

"Question?" Sam knew that avoidance was pointless, and he really didn't get why the time factor had to be such a big issue, after all a year was nothing compared with an eternity in hell. He sighed and spoke slowly and clearly. If he got it through his brother's thick head at the first attempt then hopefully that would be an end to it.

"Okay Dean, and by the way we are really gonna have to come up with another name. The spells were so different that the soonest I could end them both was one year. The linking ritual didn't have a specified time factor but if I had just chosen the shortest duration then the one with a longer span wouldn't have taken and the spells would have cancelled each other out. I added the extra day to cover the period of your contract in case there was any loophole issues. But I can't see why it makes any difference, after all it's not for ever." He was proud that he'd kept it so simple since it had been a bitch to calculate in the planning stages but you have to keep things simple where Dean's concerned he thought.

Dean let the condescending attitude pass. It had been there since the first time Sam came home with an A+ grade only to find out that his older brother had never gotten one…_thanks for that Dad_… Of course Sam had never bothered to ask why his grades were always crap and Dean admitted to himself that if he'd explained then Sam's attitude would have been different but Sammy didn't need to be bothered with issues like that. It was important that one of them have as normal a childhood as possible…_Yeah and look where that got ya_.

"It makes a lot of difference Sam." Sam was prepared to listen to his diminutive brother rant on for a few minutes about how it undermined his masculinity and that he would have to learn how to do up a bra after years of becoming an expert at removing them. About how Bobby and Caleb would laugh themselves silly and that Caleb would probably hit on him and that would be sooo wrong. So when Dean actually began to list his reasons Sam was left speechless.

"All of my weapons are weighted for a six foot tall male with a hand span at least three times the size of this" he waved one fine boned hand while cradling the now sleeping pup in the crook of his other arm. "I won't even be able to fire my desert eagle as the recoil would probably break something. My knives, especially, will need to be replaced now I know I'm like this for more than a few weeks, and I'll need to brush up on my martial arts. They don't need the brute strength that I've now lost."

Before Dean could add anything else to his list Sam interrupted, waving one hand violently back and forth in a gesture of denial. Dean frowned, _What now?_

"You can't hunt Dean." Dean stood expressionless, trying to process the order? command? ultimatum? that he had just been given. He could tell from his brother's tone that it was not an issue that was up for debate but it didn't matter anyway because his hunting was not up for debate either. He carefully placed the still sleeping pup on the nearest bed where it snuffled softly, yawned and then went back to dreaming of chasing butterflies….prey was prey and a pup had to start somewhere.

"Jo hunts." As far as Dean was concerned that was the only defence he was prepared to put forward. It made his case and whether Sam agreed or not it made no difference. He was a Hunter; male or female, big or small. Hunting was what he did. It was all he had been allowed to be good at and nobody was going to take it away from him now, least of all his own brother.

"That's different and you know it. She's always been a girl and anyway she's not in our league."

"Drop it Sammy it ain't gonna happen" Dean turned away from Sam and walked toward the bathroom. He felt his hips moving differently…'_so that's how it's done' _he thought as the memory of all the ogling he'd done over that particular movement since he'd hit puberty washed over him.

As Sam once again attempted to argue Dean cut him off.

"I've gotta pee. And believe me Sammy I never thought that would ever be a new experience." He closed the bathroom door to the strangled croak of a, once again, speechless Sam.

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As soon as the door clicked shut behind him Dean leaned back against it and let out a deep breath.

God he couldn't do this! His head was throbbing and spinning and he couldn't decide how much of it was due to nearly going to hell; how much to realising that after a year of fear and terror which he'd tried and, he suspected, failed, to keep from Sam, it was all over and how much was due to the fact that he was now female with all those hormonal moments that seemed to give women an inordinate number of headaches.

He stared at the toilet in front of him and down at the body that now wore his T-shirt like a dress and gulped. Dammit peeing was a skill, no an art, that involved aim and distance, and angles; hell it was almost physics! This was so not right.

Dean had managed to wash his hands without looking in the mirror above the sink but he knew that he couldn't put it off any longer. It wasn't that he was particularly vain…well OK he was, but that wasn't the point. It was just that to see the face of who you might have been had you not be born you was just about as creepy as anything he had come across while hunting. It almost made him feel like the shape shifter that had stolen his appearance and his thoughts. Except that this body had never had the chance to have her own thoughts. She had never had the opportunity to make a better job out of the life that had been created twenty eight years ago than he had. She had a body now and a shiny new soul but no consciousness of her own and every minute he was inside her shell he was contaminating that shiny soul with his memories, his thoughts and his failings. Didn't Sam have any idea that he had forced his own brother to violate another at the deepest level. That when she winked out of existence in a years time her soul would not because you can't destroy a soul. You could obviously call a potential soul into being because that's exactly what Sam had done but only God or maybe a high level demon can destroy one. And wherever shiny innocent souls come from by the time he was done with it he could pretty much guarantee that it wouldn't be returning. A tear slipped down his cheek as he realised what the crossroads demon's words had meant 'A two for one deal' Every day that he possessed this shell…he winced at the word but possession was what it was…every day he would do something to tarnish it. He had already used her to utter swear words, how long before he used her to kill or desecrate a grave or commit any one of the illegal acts it took to keep them alive and fed.

Yet still he couldn't blame Sammy. He did the only thing he could think of to do. Dean put the blame firmly where he felt it belonged…on himself. It was his selfishness after his brother had died and left him alone that had started this. It never once occurred to him to blame his brother for committing that same act of selfishness on being threatened with his loss or to blame their father for starting it all with his selling HIS soul in exchange for Dean's life. He was the older brother…the responsibility was his. And the responsibility for his 'sister' was his too. If he could get through the year without damaging her soul too badly…or maybe, with luck, any sins accrued would come back to his own soul on it's return. It was the best he could hope for. His sister might not really exist but he was determined to give her soul the best protection he could. She was family and family was everything.

Deciding that thinking wasn't good for his headache Dean performed the one task left to face before he could get on with the practicalities of everyday living without testosterone or the equipment to go with it.

He looked up into the mirror.

It was her. He knew it would be; after all how many times had his Dad said how much he looked like her and that was when he was a guy.

He pushed the sight of his own mother staring back at him to the side; he couldn't deal right now; instead he glanced dispassionately at the face before him. He sighed at the freckles…you would have thought… He noted the straight, small nose and the same gold flecked green eyes that had stared back at him every morning as he shaved. The face wasn't too long or too round and the lips were full but not as full as his own. The hair was mostly straight with a slight wave. All in all it was an attractive face. Not beautiful but with the green eyes not plain either.

He closed his eyes and took another deep breath to prepare himself. He almost dreaded the next part more than seeing his face.

Dean stepped away from the mirror and turned on the shower. He slipped out of the T-shirt/dress and for the first time in his life he was not turned on by the sight of a naked female body. Not that it was ugly or anything. In fact it too was all in proportion; he stared critically at his breasts…a bit too much in proportion given his petite 5'1" frame. No it wasn't so much what was there as it was what wasn't there! Gone, all gone. It was just not right!

He whimpered as he grabbed the shampoo with the thought that it wouldn't last half as long with all this hair and he'd have to get something that didn't leave him smelling butch. Wouldn't do to give the wrong idea.

SpNSpNSpN

Sam sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. Why did Dean have to make such a drama out of everything. You would have thought he would have been more grateful at having both his life and immortal soul saved. You would also think that he would see the impracticality of hunting in his present form.

If Sam were to be honest with himself a little part of him had hoped that a year as a girl would encourage his brother to try the normal life because then he could take a time out too. Maybe it would even have become permanent. It wasn't why he'd saved his brother, obviously, but it would have been a nice bonus. But oh no, that makes too much sense and making sense was one thing nobody ever accused Dean of. He wished Ruby were here to talk to. Ruby listened to him. She treated him like an adult…not like some people he could mention.

His head came up as he heard the shower come on and he resigned himself to a cold shower. Dean hardly ever left the water more than lukewarm and as a girl, well it was genetic to use all the hot water wasn't it? Jess certainly had. Jess used to listen to him too.

BOBBY!

Sam could have kicked himself. The poor man was waiting for his call, one way or the other. They had agreed that Bobby wouldn't call them. The end could come at any time until midnight and the last thing Sam and Dean had needed was for the cell phone to go off in the middle of a fight for life. Or at least that was what his brother had believed but there was no way that Sam could tell him that there wouldn't be any fighting if his plan worked and if he couldn't tell Dean he certainly couldn't tell Bobby because Bobby was the world's worst secret keeper. Dean would only have to hear the other man's voice to know that something was up.

Bobby Singer sat beside his telephones. The land line sat in front of him and his cell sat in front of that; he wasn't taking any chances at missing this call; it was probably the most important call in his entire life and he was dreading it and eager for it in equal measure. There was no doubt that if anyone could pull off a last minute salvation it was Sam Winchester. Many mistakenly thought of the younger brother as the 'soft' one or the rational one; but people like Bobby; people who really knew the Winchesters, and there were precious few who did, knew that Sam was his father's son through and through. It was something that he would deny vehemently but it was true nonetheless. The call for vengeance and the need to be in control ran strong in both men. In fact Bobby sometimes wondered if Sam's leaving for college wasn't as much about establishing a control of his own life, which he knew would never happen in his father's shadow as it was about actually studying law. But Dean…Dean was different. On the surface he was the loyal soldier and his protective role in keeping Sam safe, hell in practically raising him, and the natural way he took the lead on hunts when his father wasn't present might lead an observer to think that he and John were alike. Both leaders, both hunters.

But they would be wrong.

Out of all three men Dean was the natural hunter. The one with the instincts, stealth and grace that kept those with him alive and saved the innocent civilians that found themselves caught up in the twilight world of the supernatural. Yet he was the one who hunted in memory of his mother not in revenge for her death. He fought for the sake of family; his own and those who face their lives being devastated as his had been and Bobby was proud and considered himself privileged that Dean thought of him as part of his small and precious family. It was that love of family which had the grizzled hunter sitting beside the phones, shouting at telemarketers to get off the line or else and trying to decide if the time taken to relieve his bladder before it burst was worth the risk of missing the call coming in over the landline.

Sam scrolled down to Bobby's name and dialled.

"Bobby?"

"Sam?"

"It's over Bobby, it's finally over."

"Oh God no! God Sam I'm…." Bobby pinched the space between his eyes in a desperate attempt to hold back the tears that were threatening. He had known that whatever Sam had planned, and despite the younger brothers reticence to discuss his thoughts it had been obvious that something was brewing in that genius brain. Whatever it was must have been a longshot but he'd hoped….

Sam frowned, the smile slipping from his face. His brain replayed his comments and he realised how they could be misread.

"No, no Bobby. You got it wrong man. Dean's safe, it's over. I had a plan and it worked; the demon couldn't collect." Sam waited in silence for several seconds as he waited for his explanation to sink in and then snatched the phone away from his ear as a triumphant rebel yell nearly burst his eardrums.

Bobby felt that all his Christmases had come at once. The Winchester's had finally done what no-one before them had; they'd taken on Hell itself and won. Bobby took a deep breath and asked the question that had been eating at him since Sam had told him that he still had hope.

"So what was your plan? How'd you do it Sam?"

Bobby listened quietly as Sam gave him a step by step account of his meeting with the demon and the combining of the spells. However it took a moment for the final result of that plan to register with the older man.

Sam grinned at the laughter that cascaded out of the phone and held the instrument out toward his brother so that he could hear the wheezing guffaws as he crossed the room enveloped in a cloud of bathroom steam, a scowl on his delicate features. Inspired by a sudden idea Sam called down the cell…

"Hang on Bobby"

Before Dean knew it his sasquatch of a brother had one arm wrapped round his T-shirt clad waist while the other, held at arms length, snapped a shot with the camera facility. Dean's 'Dude!' went unacknowledged as Sam sent the photo. He waited expectantly but was unprepared for the sudden intake of breath and silence from the other end.

"Dean?" At Bobby's soft query Sam frowned and handed the cell over to Dean.

"Yeah Bobby, it's me…surprise huh?" He realised that although Bobby had never met his mother he had seen the photos and knew how hard it would have hit him to see her face reflected back at him. He would let his honorary uncle believe that he was dealing with it. The man had been put through enough stress since he'd made the deal. He ignored the little part of him that noted with a twist of hurt Sam's lack of reaction to his likeness to the mother he had never known yet had met less than two years previously.

"You OK kid? How are you dealing with this…with surviving…and with, well y'know?"

"What is it they say Bobby, doing as well as can be expected? Well, yeah…can't say it ain't one hell of a shock; and to think that I laughed at that Mel Gibson movie. I mean he was a man who knew women's thoughts and I'm a girl who doesn't have a clue! But hey, at least I'm still here."

Bobby could hear the shock in Dean's voice which belied his cocky comments but knew better than to embarrass him by acknowledging it.

"Damn kid, from the height difference in that picture you're only just there. Reckon we'll need to rename ya Thumbelina."

Sam, who had moved even closer so that he, too, could hear the conversation he seemed to have been, to his annoyance, cut out of suddenly cut back in.

"We're going to call him Deana. I figure it'll make any accidental slip ups less noticeable."

"The hell we are Sammy!"

"Dean!"

"No man; you've made all the choices with this plan of yours" he waved down Sam's expected response. "I understand why Sam, but now it's different. Don't you think I deserve to have some control back now?"

Bobby listened with growing frustration as the younger Winchester rode roughshod over his obviously still shocked and unsettled brother.

"Don't be ridiculous Dean; I've seen the names you put on those credit card application forms remember? Subtlety isn't exactly one of your strengths and your imagination starts and stops with music and movies. You probably want to call yourself Angelina Lennox or Annie Jolie!" Sam missed the hurt in his brother's eyes at the criticism, especially in front of a man he respected as much as he had his father; even if he couldn't see him Dean knew that Bobby would have been embarrassed for him. But this was important to him, to do this for his mother and the soul he occupied so for once he did not give in to his brother's demands. Throughout their entire lives he had given Sam everything he wanted if it was in his power to do so; but not this time.

"Deborah Ruth Winchester." Dean stated softly but firmly. Sam snorted and shook his head.

"I knew it! Debbie. Hear that Bobby? Deana always was a big fan; his favourite movie Debbie Does Dallas."

Hearing the scorn in Sam's voice made Bobby angry but he held his temper. He spoke up loudly, knowing that the boys were sharing the phone but not knowing if Dean had moved away at the aggressive tone.

"That's perfect Dean. Your mom would have been happy."

"Thanks Bobby," There was a quiet thankfulness at the understanding he'd heard in the older hunter's voice.

Sam scowled at the phone and then at his brother.

"Is there something I should know?" Dean recognized the demand in the tone. He knew Sam wouldn't quit until he got his answer. He hated being out of the loop.

"It was the name Mom was going to give her firstborn if it had been a girl. Dean Michael for a boy or Deborah Ruth, after her and Dad's Moms for a girl."

Sam blushed at being so far off base but then his anger rose up again.

"So how come Bobby knows this and I don't?" Sam could hear the petulance in his voice but his day had gone from euphoria at saving Dean to depression that not only wasn't he getting the kudos due him after his success he was being made to look like an idiot in front of Bobby.

"Because he only let it slip when he was high on meds after a hunt while you were at Stanford." Dean's explanation was uttered simply and without censure but Sam always flinched when another part of the life his Dad and Dean had led without him was revealed.

Dean realised that the atmosphere was becoming laden with tension, making his head throb even harder. Time to get this show on the road or they'd end up with the chick flick moment from hell.

"Bobby, listen, can I call you back in a few minutes; there's something I need advice on but I've got a few things to sort out here first."

"Sure kid, and it's good to have your ornery self still around to cause me grief."

"Thanks Bobby…I think"

Bobby chuckled as the feminine voice squeaked. That was gonna take some getting used to alright. "Can you put Sam on for a second before you go?"

"Sure." Dean handed Sam the phone and grabbed a notepad and pen which he immediately began scribbling in.

"Yeah Bobby." Bobby didn't know whether to laugh at the sulky Sam he remembered from years before or slap the adult who should know better upside the head for being a jerk.

"Listen Sammy, I didn't get to say 'good job' what with all the goings on. Took brains and guts to do what you did."

"Thanks Bobby. I really appreciate it." Sam relaxed a little as he received validation for his actions. He was starting to think that he'd missed something somewhere; that Dean and Bobby had realised something that he hadn't.

"Just remember though Sam; Dean may be more vulnerable right now and he might need more back up and a little more understanding but that's still Dean in there. Don't try to take that away from him."

"I won't Bobby. Talk to you soon." Sam ended the call with a shake of his head. He would do whatever he had to in order to keep Dean safe, especially if it came to keeping him safe from himself, because his brother could be his own worst enemy.

Sam turned his attention to his brother who was rummaging through a duffle that wasn't his own. Before he could ask what the hell he was doing Dean yanked, with a triumphant grunt, Sam's hairdryer from the depths of the bag. It made sense Sam supposed and mentally made a note to reset their alarms to give Dean enough time to get ready each morning. Might be more practical to get him a haircut.

Dean turned with an embarrassed blush and a shrug. He handed Sam a list of items.

"What's this?"

"What does it look like Sammy?"

Sam looked at the list of clothing items complete with estimated sizes and frowned. Since when did he become Dean's gofer?

"Why can't you get these yourself?"

Dean indicated his sparse clothing and bare feet.

"Oh, right…Say what did you want to call Bobby back for?"

"Dogs"

"Huh?"

"Neither of us knows how to take care of a puppy and Bobby's the nearest thing to an expert we've got."

"OK, makes sense I suppose." Sam pocketed the list and slipped his jacket on. He grabbed the keys to the Impala and was about to leave when Dean's new soft voice halted him in his tracks.

"Thanks Sammy. I'm proud of you…Dad would have been proud of you too."

Sam smiled and nodded his acknowledgement of the compliment, even if it was a bit on the late side a little voice said inside him.

Dean waited a couple of minutes after Sam had left before redialling Bobby's number.

"Hey Bobby…what do you know about the care and feeding of hellhounds?"

TBC

A/N Well Dean hasn't had to brave the shopping mall yet thanks to Bobby getting a bit more contemplative than I anticipated but I'm sure he'll enjoy it next chapter and I'm sure that Bobby will want to meet a real live hellhound too. And I'd bet that Ruby will give Sam an ego boost but maybe that's not such a good thing!

Thanks for reading.


	3. Chapter 3

A Year and A Day chapter 3

After talking with Bobby Dean sat quietly on the bed and wondered when he'd begun to get so needy. Of course he'd put up a token resistance to the older hunter's demands that he 'get his and Sam's asses' to his place asap but neither of them was fooled. Dean knew that Bobby needed to see with his own eyes that Dean had cheated death yet again and for all his own bravado he was desperate to find himself a safe haven from this strange new world he had found himself in. He felt an instant spike of guilt shoot through his heart as he faced the terrible truth that Sam was no longer his first choice as that haven. All their lives Sammy and their Dad had been his touchstones. The two certainty's in his screwed up life but now Dad was gone and Sam…Sam was…different.

Of course he was different. He was an adult now, and Dean was aware that he sometimes forgot that. He forgot it when one of his and Jess's little anniversaries came up and his little brother cried in his sleep, calling out for Dean to make the monsters go away. He forgot when he was hauling his brother's ass out of danger, usually by throwing his own in front of it and he forgot it when he was trying to convince his younger sibling that with four whole years more experience of life he knew best when the issue of women, and girlfriends, came up. Of course he knew he was on shaky ground there since his own track record didn't exactly fly the flag for monogamy but it didn't take a genius to figure that making goo goo eyes at demon girls wasn't the height of responsibility either.

But as grown up as Sam now was, that wasn't it. The YED had been right Dean did need Sam more than Sam needed him but he was beginning to realise that it wasn't a question of need for Sam. It was a question of want. It always had been, of course. Sam wanted lucky charms; Sam wanted normal; Sam didn't want to hunt; Sam - well Sam didn't need his big brother but did he want him anymore? And would he want him even less now that he was Miss Congeniality for the next twelve months.

His head was hurting. Sam may not think that he used his brain very often but he was no stranger to philosophising he just didn't feel the constant need to share the experience. But all this self doubt just wasn't him…was it? Was that why he annoyed Sam so much now? Because Sam was the confident one? Or was it a girl thing…all those hormones and shit? He couldn't wait to get to Bobby's and talk cars and drink beer, y'know, manly pursuits. Oh yeah and he'd need to know a lot more about puppies.

Puppies? Speak of the devil. The puppy was headed toward the motel room door; a low growl alternating with a pitiful whine was soon accompanied by a frantic scratching at the wood.

***

Dean took two Tylenol. He would normally have taken more, although he would have waited until Sam wasn't watching since his brother was a stickler for dosage instructions. Trouble was that as each hunt left it's own mark and it's own legacy Dean's body needed more pills and higher dosages to keep the almost constant pain away. But Sam didn't need to know any of that, and as much as he might claim that he wanted to know these details of his older brothers life he didn't really, otherwise he wouldn't have that little look of relief when Dean refused to comply, that little relaxing of the clenched jaw muscles when he could pretend that Dean had nothing to say because there was nothing to be said. Sam didn't need the added pressure that giving into his wants brought with it.

Just like Sam didn't need to know what a balls up he'd made of his first foray into pet ownership. Well how was he supposed to know that the animal's scratching and growling at the door didn't indicate danger but a desperate need to pee? He had nearly died of embarrassment at the look of shock on his temporary neighbour's face as he took in the vision of a half dressed girl standing over a peeing puppy with a semi automatic held in both small hands. Of course his 'She won't perform if she doesn't feel safe' hadn't helped; at least that's what he presumed considering the man's rather hurried departure less than fifteen minutes later! Still, at least the Tylenol were working. Now all he had to do was survive the next year as a girl, persuade his brother that he wasn't pissed at him over it, prove that he could still hunt and find a name for his hellhound.

He grinned. Well that, at least, was easy.

***

Sam was convinced that he would never stop blushing ever again. Buying puppy food and trainers was one thing but buying girl's under things was…well he hadn't even done that for Jess. If his brother wanted anything other than basic white panties…okay brain, never put that combination of words together again…then he was going to have to get them himself. And as for the sizes he'd guessed at, well no way would they fit a human being so he'd upped everything by a size. His brother would thank him later.

"Hey Sam! Is there something you want to tell me because I've got to say that apart from the hair you're not going to make the most convincing girl."

"Ruby! What! No! These are for Dean…" At her delighted grin he realised what he'd implied and shoved the panties back in the plastic shopping bag. "I mean…"

Ruby took pity on him. "It's OK Sam I know what you did. You're the talk of the Pit. Half of the demons are screaming their disappointment at losing out on torturing Dean and the other half are screaming with laughter at the thought of his…. little problem."

Sam couldn't help the small smirk at the recollection of his brother's lack of height and he felt a warm glow at the obvious admiration in Ruby's eyes. It was the first whole hearted support he'd had over this. He'd thought that Dean would finally see him as an equal, as HIS saviour for a change; that he'd be at least a little bit grateful, appreciate his ingenuity rather than moan about his methods. He knew one thing for sure; if it had been the other way round Sam would be in hell now 'cause Dean didn't have either the brains or the imagination to have pulled this off.

"Think you should probably not mention that in front of him, he's not taking it too well." A flash of remorse shot through him as he wondered if he should cut his brother some slack. After all it couldn't be easy having your whole world pulled out from under you. It was a feeling that faded quickly as Ruby wrapped her hand around Sam's arm, squeezing it affectionately.

"Don't worry Sam he'll come round and you know that if you ever need to talk to somebody who is on your side I'll be there."

Ruby injected just the right amount of sincerity into her voice. She gave him the sympathetic smile that said 'I know that you're underappreciated but I'm proud of you and you know that you can trust me to never let you down.' Every nuance, every inflection told him what he desperately wanted to hear but God it was hard work when in reality she just wanted to slap him upside the head for his continuing refusal to give in to his destiny.

She patted his arm before she released it. She knew that as soon as he went back to his pain in the ass brother, or whatever he called himself now, that brotherly connection would begin to reassert itself, but each time they met she managed to chip away another small piece of their bond; she just wished that the collapse of their relationship, so vital to her plans, would get a wriggle on! She didn't know how much longer she could put up with either Winchester; give her a straightforward demon any day.

"So what brings you here?" Sam hoped that nothing was brewing, he had enough on his plate.

"Just seeing how you were doing, it must have been so traumatic for you."

Sam basked in the warmth of her caring. Why couldn't Dean show the same care?

_And you don't think he already does? Every day, in everything he says and by every sacrifice he makes, big or small…the last of the lucky charms or his own soul. _The little voice was soft but insistent and Sam might have listened to it if it hadn't been for Ruby's smile and her look of almost adoration, of pride.

Dean never looked at him like that.

The little voice faded back into the recesses of his mind as he listened to Ruby.

Dean never understood him like she did…or like Jess did.

They looked up to him…women in general looked up to him. Unless Dean was there to make a joke or a comment which instantly had them seeing a little boy doing something cute or stupid rather than the strong hunter he was. Or gave them that killer smile with the shy yet cocky Princess Diana style eyes that had them forgetting that he even existed. He wondered if girl Dean would be as much of a slut as guy Dean.

Perhaps now he was a girl Dean would start to look up to him…like Ruby did.

He snorted softly…Yeah right, like that was ever going to happen. Dean looked up to no-one, except Dad.

That was a thought. Perhaps now, with the physical difference in size making him more intimidating he could keep Dean in line like Dad had. Bobby had always said, well grumbled, that Sam had their Dad's authoritative voice and presence. It was something that his brother responded to like Pavlov's dog. It might work better than the puppy dog eyes; they'd not been doing the business so much lately.

"Thanks Ruby, it's good to know that someone cares."

_Interesting…the cracks are beginning to show. _Ruby didn't let her excitement bleed through the carefully constructed expression of admiration with just a hint of lust…which was working nicely, thank you for asking, as she watched his pupils dilate slightly and a hint of pink tongue slide across a lower lip. She didn't push it though; there was no way she was going to wreck her plans now, not when she was making progress.

"Listen, um…I…I've got to get back to Deborah, that's what Dean's calling himself…herself for now. She needs…er" he waggled the carrier bag of clothes.

"Sure Sam; I just hope he appreciates all you've done for him. I'll see you later; and just remember, I'm always there for you."

As Sam walked back to the car he wondered if now that his brother was a sister she might learn to like Ruby a little more; from what he'd learned living with Jess girls needed to have other girls around them. He winced at the sudden image of the inevitable catfight that would result.

He would have to work on it.

***

Dean jumped up as the door opened and snatched the bag out of Sam's hand.

"'Bout time, dude; what did you do sew them yourself."

Sam scowled as his brother inspected the jeans, plain white T-shirt and trainers. After looking the items over Dean looked closely at the labels.

"Didn't you even bother looking at the list I gave you? Is my writing so bad that you couldn't even get one thing in the right size?" Sam opened his mouth to confirm the terrible state of his brother's handwriting but closed it again at a glare from the annoyed huntress. The thought of his brother as a huntress made him smirk which was not a good move to make as the glare doubled in intensity. Funny, thought Sam, despite the physical changes Dean's glare still packs a punch. Sam gave him an apologetic shrug.

"Everything in those sizes just looked so tiny…" _Okay, shutting up now _Sam's common sense kicked in and he started to unpack the bag with their groceries….fruit and sandwiches for him and M&M's and potato chips for his nutritionally challenged sibling. As he pulled out a bag of puppy chow….hellbound human snacks not being readily available at Wal-Mart…the sound of his brother's voice came from behind the not quite closed bathroom door where he was getting changed.

"Feed Georgia will ya."

Huh? "What?" he yelled as he looked down at the expectant pup.

"Her name is Georgia" Dean confirmed as he moved back into the main room, holding up the too big jeans with one hand while the other grabbed his belt off the bed and a small knife from the weapons bag. He sat down and began to make a fresh hole in the leather, sparing an I told you so look in Sam's direction before returning to his task. It felt odd not to have the pain and stiffness in his fingers from multiple breakages over the years and the repetitive recoiling of firing the shotgun. That coupled with the mild dyslexia that hadn't been diagnosed until it was too late to do any good served to send his handwriting into a state that would do a doctor proud.

So, who knew that Dean had such a good eye for things like that. _You should have, said the little voice; he was always good at taking care of the details while Dad and then you were haring off half-cocked, brains filled only with thoughts of revenge._

Sam ignored the voice, again, and his brow furrowed as he tried to fit a reason to the name.

"We've never been to Georgia. We've been to New Orleans and Norfolk, Virginia but never Georgia." He suddenly looked disgusted. "Oh man! Don't tell me, you once had a one night stand with a girl called Georgia who looked like a dog! That's cruel!

Dean's expression remained calm which told Sam that he was totally on the wrong track and who'd have thought that such a different face could still look so much like Dean because he'd recognize that eyebrow quirk and slight smirk anywhere.

"Firstly Sammy…I have never dated a 'dog' as you so delicately put it. True, some of my brief encounters…" Sam snorted and Dean decided he was going to start keeping count of those and make sure each snort was suitably punished when he was himself again. "Some of them may not have been classic beauties and may have had their looks enhanced with the aid of a few beers…" That's two, he told himself as another indelicate sound sprang forth. "But every woman has their own particular charm…or talent."

OH that leer looked so wrong on that face! Sam shuddered at the mental picture of those talented girls.

"And secondly…I have been to Georgia."

"No we haven't."

"Didn't say WE."

"Oh!" Sam never did have an answer to the question of why he felt so guilty every time his Stanford years were mentioned so he let it lie.

"So you named her after the State?"

"Nope."

"Not the State and not a girl?"

Dean shook his head and slipped the now useable belt through the loops of the jeans. He stared down and sighed as he rolled up the extra three inches of length. He wondered if there were special shops for little girls. A sudden mental image of Barbie princess and My Little Pony came into his head and he shuddered. He should be grateful that Sam didn't regress him to childhood too. What was the actual word he was looking for….petite, yeah that was better; better than short anyway.

"So?" Sam would gladly trade a few brain cells for added patience at the moment.

"So what?"

"Why Georgia?"

"You're the genius Sammy…you figure it out."

Sam ground his teeth together as he unpacked the food and water bowls and fed the mysteriously named puppy. It couldn't be that hard to figure out.

***

They pulled up in front of the aptly, if bluntly, named boutique 'Short Chicks' and Dean slammed the door of his traitorous car shut, after making sure that the puppy had fresh air by leaving the window open a crack of course.

As if it wasn't bad enough that Dean was unable to wear his own clothes, use his own weapons or wash his hair in under five minutes he was now incapable of driving his own car. At least for now; Bobby would fix it…after he stopped laughing. Well, hell…his baby had never had a driver who was under six feet tall before; it wasn't her fault that the driver seat was jammed too far back. But that moment of sheer humiliation when he'd slid into the seat as normal and found that his feet, in the too big trainers, wouldn't reach the pedals made him want to curl up and die…or throttle the sasquatch sitting next to him, although he had seemed to be doing a good enough job of choking on his own laughter. Despite his indignation Dean felt a warmth that had been long missing at the sound of his brother's laughter.

They stood out side the shop, as nervous as they would be if they were about to enter a Vampire nest.

"Dean, I give it to you that you have an eye for sizes but do you actually know what you're looking for?"

Dean looked surprised.

"No, I thought I'd let you take the lead on this one."

Seeing that he was quite serious Sam blanched.

"Why me!?"

As though it were obvious Dean replied,

"Because you lived with a girl for two years, dude, that makes you the fashion expert here. I lived with Dad which makes me the expert on guns, beer and poltergeists. You lived with Jess, which makes you the expert on skirts, which I refuse to wear by the way, blouses and…y'know…things…..frilly things"

"Dean! Jess did her own shopping and her own laundry and I certainly was never called on to help her buy….things…frilly or otherwise." The two boys stared at the brightly coloured clothes in the window and then turned to each other with twin looks of incipient panic.

"Somehow I don't think this is a problem that can be solved with Dad's journal." Sam almost whimpered.

Dean took a deep breath. He'd faced worse than this….probably. _'Suck it up Winchester' _he ordered himself silently.

"Then we'll do what we always do best." Funny how hard it was to sound confidant and commanding when your voice sounded like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz.

"What's that?"

"Wing it."

With that Dean and Sam Winchester stepped bravely through the door to shopping hell.

***

"Can I help you?" The assistant stepped forward breezily issuing her welcome while bouncing up and down on her toes. 'Like Sammy after a sugar rush' Dean thought as he fought the urge to turn and run.

Lissa wasn't quite sure why the odd couple seemed so nervous but she found it quite cute. Her partner waved goodbye to a young woman who had just finished making her purchase and turned her attention to the newcomers. She noted their nervousness and how close they were standing but she didn't think they were an item. The man was a giant, especially in relation to the girl and he was positively drool worthy but it was the girl who captured her attention.

No, Mel concluded; not a girl, a woman. Definitely not a teenager yet somehow with an air of innocence that was both endearing and disturbing.

And she had to have the worst dress sense in the western world.

"Hello! Welcome to Short Chicks. I'm Mel and this is my partner…"

"Lissa" supplied the red head who was only an inch or so taller than Dean.

"Mel….Lissa! Melissa?" Dean smiled at the way their names combined.

"I know…it was the only way to avoid confusion. We've known each other since we were kids and the nicknames have stuck."

"I'm Sam and this is Dea…Deborah, my sister."

"Please call me Dee." Dean hastened to ease the confused looks that had started to appear at Sam's near slip.

"Sam, Dee" Lissa looked Dean up and down. "So what can we do to help you?"

"Sam had been thinking that maybe they could claim that Dean had lost his luggage en route from Rome or Vancouver or something, except he hadn't found a way to explain the clothes his brother was wearing which would suppose that he had been travelling naked at the time. Before he could refine his thought Dean was already launching into his cover story. He had forgotten how good his brother was at telling stories. They hadn't had much luggage space for books when growing up so Dean had always made up his bedtime stories and Sam had never found anything printed that could match them.

By the time Dean had finished his tale of a girl brought up in a strict religious community who had escaped to experience life but had fled without any possessions and had to rely on the clothes buying skills of her sartorially challenged brother Sam noted that the two girls eyes had widened with astonishment, their faces had developed that Awww look with more than a hint of the glee that those guys on TV had when they were going to pimp someone's ride or apply a queer eye to a straight guy.

This wasn't going to be pleasant…it had all the hallmarks of a makeover. Sam looked over at his 'sister' to gauge the severity of the fallout and saw…

Fear…which was to be expected…and…

Eagerness…which was not.

Was his brother THAT good an actor?

Sam didn't get to find out as the girls shoved him none too gently out the door, telling him to 'come back in a couple of hours as they didn't need him looming over them, making them nervous'

Dean's look of a man …girl…betrayed stayed in his eyes as he lurched around the corner…

And burst into peals of laughter.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

A Year And A Day-Chapter4

Not Wendigos. No…more like werewolves. For Wendigos it was all about hunt kill eat whereas if they had the time some werewolves liked to toy with their prey. Yes, that was definitely the look in the two seemingly normal girls eyes as they raked a professional anticipatory gaze over his badly clothed body. Damn Sam for ignoring the sizes he'd asked for. Still it seemed to reinforce the story he'd told them because they hadn't questioned it. He could do this, he really could; he just wished that they weren't leading him so far away from the front door.

Sam went for a coffee. He needed something to ease the tightness in his throat from too much laughing. As he sipped his latte he found his thoughts, as they so often seemed to lately, turn inwards and become darker.

He was becoming more and more convinced that Dean's spending the next year as a girl was a good thing. There was no way that his gender challenged brother was going to be able to hunt at the level they needed to operate at. Yes there were female hunters, good ones, but Dean had trained his whole life to do things that his female self would just be incapable of…and no he didn't mean peeing standing up. '_Now see_!' he told himself forcefully, '_that's the sort of thing that Dean would say, not me. I'm not even thinking like myself anymore. I need to find my own path, my own way…and for once in his over controlling, martyr complexed, big brother knows best life my now teeny weeny brother is just going to have to follow my lead for a change. That way when he's a guy again he won't be the only Alpha in the pack._

He ignored the little voice that replaced over controlling with _protective, _Martyr complex with _loyalty_ and Alpha with _responsible_. He also ignored the waitress who jumped nervously as the tall young man she had labelled a hottie in her mind slammed down his money on the table and stalked out with an unpleasant grin on his face, more a look of anger than happiness. Lulu relabelled the menacing man as a jerk and pitied whoever that expression was intended for.

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Okay, so maybe this wasn't quite on a par with tea time at the Benders. In fact the girls had been quite gentle with him. They'd even offered him coffee so they couldn't be evil. If they were evil, witches maybe, then they would almost certainly have offered him camomile tea, or some such vile brew. It had been a close call with the underwear though. Just how many kinds of underwear were there for pity's sake!? He listened as Mel went through the choices discarding samples as Dean shook his head. Trouble was, he admitted to himself, that his brain kept trying to mentally squeeze his manly bits into the scraps of cotton, silk and lace when in reality…..gone.

"Them!" he blurted out as she held up an item with an actual front and back.

"Girl boxers? Good choice!"

Dean smiled as though he had just passed some sort of test and tried to feel a sense of accomplishment that he had chosen the undies with the most macho connotations; he subconsciously ignored the plethora of little white daisies adorning them.

Soon his wardrobe began to grow until he had a feminine yet boyish 'look' that was practical enough for hunting and pretty enough for him not to look out of place in company. The one dress he chose almost made him cry…so much easier to do with those pesky new hormones. He didn't correct the girls' assumptions that it was a reaction to years of austerity; in fact it was a memory. The pale green watersilk shift dress was almost identical to the one his mom had worn the day before she died. He remembered that Sammy had been particularly cranky that day and as she had been comforting him he had grabbed the front of her dress with chubby juice stained fingers; she had just laughed and he was giggling and happy again. He shook off the memory as, with a well coordinated pincer movement, the two women made their move armed with a selection of make-up and accessories…..perhaps werewolves weren't so bad after all.

Two hours later Dean said a grateful, if relieved goodbye to Mel and Lissa having promised never to let his brother shop for him again. As he left the shop he wanted to punch the air in victory…and then he saw the smirk on his brothers face and wished he could punch that instead.

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The journey to Bobby's took nearly two days. Two days in which Sam refined his treat like a girl = think like a girl plan into action. He'd talked it over with Ruby after he'd left the coffee shop…Ruby was a star, she always managed to show up just when he was at his most confused and after a chat he nearly always found himself thinking straight again. She had agreed that the more Dean was treated like a vulnerable little girl the more she would come to doubt herself as a hunter and consequently the more she would look to him to take the lead and make the decisions. Then as sure as night follows day when Dee was Dean again a new equality would have been formed. Dean would finally have learned what Sam had been trying to drill into his thick skull for years; that he was not only perfectly capable of looking after himself but his big brother too. "And maybe" Ruby had added smartly "if during the year you show him that your powers don't have to be used for evil he'll lighten up on the subject".

Sam thought it was a brilliant idea. Ruby had been teaching him to control his almost dormant powers without delving too deeply into the demonic element, and while it limited his power to hold back that side of it he was getting quite good at telekinesis now….as long as the item to be moved wasn't too big.

He sighed at the mixed emotions that his thoughts had stirred up. Part of him didn't want to have to manipulate his brother but though he was loathe to admit it another, more primal part of him was enjoying this newfound confidence and ability to control the events around him. In fact Dee was asleep in the back seat with his stupid dog, which kept growling at him…and why Georgia?! It was going to drive him crazy dammit! He shook off the frustration because the truth was that Dean….No! Dee, must remember, Dee, was asleep simply because Sam had ordered him to get in the back and sleep…Of course, using his 'John' voice had helped. Sam grinned as he thrust a new Oasis tape into the car's player. Finally, he was getting to be big brother and Dee would have no choice but to fit into the role of 'little sister' As he drove along, humming in a slightly off key way he put his mind to the task of finding more ways to re-educate his brother….sister.

'_Brainwash_' the little voice said.

Sam mentally squashed that thought but an image of a Dean shaped little angel with fluffy white wings sitting on his right shoulder came to mind. He snorted softly and wondered idly if he had a little devil with a pitchfork and tail on his left shoulder.

'_With the skank bitch from hell advising you, you don't need one' _offered the voice. Sam frowned and turned his concentration back to his driving and the comforting image of Bobby Singer apoplectic with laughter.

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Dean would not admit that he was hurt by his brother's attitude, not even to himself. He wriggled on the leather upholstered seat trying to get comfortable. He hadn't really wanted to take the backseat; he almost laughed out loud at the memory of his brother's triumphant grin when he obeyed the command, or seemed to, but Sammy didn't need to know that Dean just could not bear the sight of the sasquatch manhandling his baby in such a crude fashion. He was all brute force and jerky movements when she was used to finesse, gentle guidance and subtle encouragement. Then there was that infernal wailing that he called music. If he only needed one good reason for trying to sleep through the whole ordeal then that was it. Worse declaration he ever made when he uttered the immortal words 'driver picks the music'….. he wondered idly if he could sleep through the whole year.

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Bobby Singer, Hunter and car salvage yard owner, looked again at his watch. He could swear that time had slowed to almost a standstill. He stared out at the slowly darkening sky, ignoring the ruckus in the house behind him. He hoped that Dean didn't tear him a new one for the unexpected influx of visitors; once word had gotten out, and Bobby suspected that demon bitch that was always sniffing round Sam, the hunting community had been unable to talk about anything else; they were a gossiping bunch of old women at the best of times. And those closest to the brothers wanted to see the aftermath, to congratulate and admire Sam and his genius plan and to greet the man that they had been sure they would be mourning. Somehow Bobby knew that as much as Sam would soak up the attention his brother would not. Bobby had to admit that when he saw the photo Sam had sent him over the cell phone he had been shocked; not just by the resemblance to Mary but by the sheer vulnerability. He hadn't shown the others the deer caught in headlights girl that they were soon to meet and he was starting to think that might have been a mistake as from the comments he was hearing they were expecting an Amazonian. Well it was too late now, they would be here any minute. He shook his head in fond frustration as he heard Caleb ask Jo whether now that Dean was a girl she was going to have to become a lesbian to continue her so far fruitless chase of the good looking Winchester. Bobby raised an eyebrow at the reply; who'd have thought she knew words like that! Trouble was, he mused, as many wards as he had placed around, above, in and even under his house he hadn't yet come up with a ( legal ) deterrent to well meaning friends. Even his normally diligent guard dogs would only roll over for a tummy tickle as each visitor turned up with a variation of 'I was just in the neighborhood' Anyway he'd locked the dogs up for the night. He didn't want an apocalypse started by a rottweiler versus a hellhound puppy. He wished he could lock his guests up too.

He shook his head in wonderment for the umpteenth time that day….Only Dean!

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Pulling up outside the house that had, over the years become the closest thing to home for either of them neither were willing to make the first move to get out of the car and face the music.

Sam chewed thoughtfully on his lower lip. He had concluded that Bobby would be the hardest to convince of the logic of his plan. Dean had always, in his estimation, been the hunter's favourite while Pastor Jim and Missouri Mosely had always looked more towards himself as their most favoured. Jim because of their shared love of books and learning and Missouri probably because of the psychic thing. Missouri had always been a little critical of Dean though only she really knew why. Still, he pondered with a frown, you'd have thought he'd have proved himself to the senior hunter by now. Perhaps when he learned that, according to Ruby, when his powers matured he would be able to fight their enemies with his mind Bobby would recognize that the younger Winchester was now the better hunter.

'No, just the better killer' said his annoying Jiminy Cricket calmly. Sam wondered whether he would need therapy after all this was over. He dragged his thoughts back to the matter at hand.

Trouble was that unlike Jim and Missouri Bobby never seemed to look below the surface level; and Dean was shallow. For all the voice said and for all he loved his brother,

'Could have fooled me' ……(sigh)

For all he loved his brother and would be the first to defend his mistakes and failings….

'Please don't hold back that love….'

…Dean was not a deep thinker and for Bobby that was fine. Dean could hunt, Dean could mend cars and he could drink copious amounts of beer. Sam wondered if that was why, even to him, Bobby's not Jim's place felt like home; because Bobby was most like Dean and Dean was always home to Sammy.

Sam shrugged off past comforts, past illusions and the little voice with effort. That was the past. HE was big brother now and Bobby would come to see that.

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Bobby waited patiently just inside the porch door while Caleb, Jim, Missouri and Ellen and Jo Harvelle also waited, quietly now, feeling the sudden tension in the air. Everybody jumped at the knock on the door, expected as it was.

Dean really didn't want to do this. He stared out the window of the stationary car and sighed. This was the place that he had felt most safe, hell, it was the only place he ever felt safe except within himself where he had the safety line of self control, of understanding yourself; your strengths and weaknesses…and your limitations. Understanding how people were going to react to you and what you needed to do about it. Now?…..all gone to the same place as his balls. How in God's name was he supposed to protect Sammy now when he couldn't figure out how to protect himself?

"C'mon Dee, we can't keep Bobby waiting all night." Sam's opening of the back door of the Impala was met with a growl from the puppy that seemed to have taken an instant dislike to him.

Dean finally eased his way out of the haven that he wished he could spend the next twelve months in and picked up the puppy who squirmed happily, red eyes glowing in the twilight; the demonic image suffering slightly with the addition of a slobbery pink tongue lolling out of the drooling mouth.

Dean stood a little behind Sam as he knocked on the door. He waited for Bobby with increasing impatience; was that a woman's voice he had just heard? He'd seen Bobby go back into the house from the porch as he drew up and wondered why but it looked like he had visitors. Great, he thought with annoyance, that's all we need…strangers. Dee was only just holding it together as it was.

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It was a massive shock; no one would ever doubt that. Both the two boys and their surprise greeting party stood frozen as Sam walked into the house and stepped to the side to offer a full view of the now diminutive and very female hunter.

The laughter began with a soft giggle that no-one would later admit to but it soon increased in volume and hilarity and to those who might be listening close it had a tinge of nervous release. Sam joined in the jollity as Jim and Jo patted him on the back in congratulation and Missouri pulled him in for a hug. However three people weren't laughing.

Bobby had known what to expect but he still froze in surprise at the somehow awesome sight Dean presented. He was small and slender, dressed casually with the much lauded red eyed pup in his arms. A pup who obviously wanted to get to floor level to inflict damage on those upsetting her human. Yet for all his new vulnerability there was a quiet dignity in the equally frozen figure. The figure, Bobby realised, who was crying, and not with joy.

The second person not laughing was Caleb, and Bobby was surprised at that. Caleb frowned, this was not what he had expected and it was not the sort of reaction that he had expected his friends to have. An angry heat started to infuse his being as he saw his best friend, the man he looked on as a little brother reduced to tears by those who were supposed to care.

The third person not laughing was Dean himself. He hadn't expected the crowd but he should have known. He had expected Sam to receive congratulations, after all his kid brother had done what no-one thought possible. He had even expected laughter, was prepared to share the humour and laugh at himself but this…this felt more like ridicule. He knew it wasn't, because they weren't that kind of people, but whatever the truth of their laughter he still felt just as humiliated by it. And Sam; Sam, who knew how difficult he was finding it to adjust to all of this was laughing too; and by his laughter he was validating theirs.

Suddenly no-one was laughing as with a soft "I can't do this" Dean headed back the way he had come, trying to get back to the Impala, back to his haven, completely forgetting in his humiliation that he could no longer drive it. But that was a moot point as he got no further than the doorway before a long sasquatch arm snaked out and grabbed him roughly by the arm, tugging him back inside with enough force to make him yelp in pain. The action dislodged the dog and Georgia fell to the floor only to immediately find her feet and confront the danger to her master, growling and snapping at Sam. Sam dropped his hand immediately; he hadn't meant to be so rough but no way was Dean walking out on him and making him look a fool. He was about to shout at the pup to be quiet when his attention was redirected to the angry man with a gun in his face.

"You EVER lay a hand on Dean again Samuel and I swear to God that I will make you redefine the concept of pain." As he spoke Caleb moved the handgun downward to point at a place that made Sam suddenly want to protect with every fibre of his being. He'd never seen Caleb so mad and protective. Paling he simply nodded his understanding and Caleb moved away slowly giving the other culprit's a 'you too' look. There were several shamed blushes and mumbled apologies followed by a startled squeak as Dean found himself caught up in a bear hug that warmed him almost as much as the words Caleb then spoke.

"So little bro' tell me, is it as easy to do a bra up as it is to take one off and do you even know, coz dude, well endowed you ain't."

TBC

A/N Sorry it's a little late and a little short but Easter holiday and all y'know. This was a transition chapter. Next one will have Dean finding out if he can still cut it as a hunter; Ruby meets Georgia and Missouri rethinks her attitude toward the elder Winchester. And will Sam ever figure out how Georgia got her name?

Thanks for reading.


	5. Chapter 5

A Year And A Day-Chapter5

Thank you so much for the positive feedback. For those who are worried that Sam is going to become too nasty to be redeemed - I couldn't do that but he will take a while to come round. Since this is a character based story and I'm not fond of OC's as a rule I have to draw the conflict from within ( and let's face it I'm not being half as horrible to either of them as a certain E. Kripke, God bless him, is at the moment.)

Also the disclaimer which I keep forgetting: I do not own the boys, the Impala, or anything connected with the series (except the DVD's) I do own the plot and the puppy (but don't tell my cat)

"Yeah well some guys prefer smaller…proportions." Dean, releasing himself from the death hug with a grateful smile, then looked down Caleb's body pointedly and added, "Unlike girls who may have told you that size doesn't matter…but…" He smirked and ducked the playful, and unusually gentle, slap upside the head from a grinning and blushing Caleb.

"Boys!" Bobby wondered, and not for the first time, how he got himself lumbered with such a crazy honorary family; not that he would change it for the world…or admit that he wouldn't. He drank in the sight of Dean for the few seconds that it took for him and Caleb to quieten. God, he had come so close to losing him…again. How much did the poor kid have to go through. He glanced over at Sam and frowned. Sam's life hadn't been easy either but he'd always had Dean there for him. Now when it was Sam's turn to step up to the plate….well something wasn't right. Bobby shook off the feeling of wrongness; Dean was alive and that was all that mattered….For now.

"Okay boys, let's get you settled. Dean, sorry about the welcoming committee but once word got out…well y'know how it is."

"It's OK Bobby, guys" Dean glanced round him at the mixture of happiness and contrition on the faces of those he cared most about. It pulled at him that his reaction had hurt them. "Listen, sorry for being a bit of a drama queen there but"…Dean gave them a twirl and a smirk which they all recognized as pure Dean…. "the body may be perfect but these new hormones are a bitch."

Finally the tension in the room broke and the women gravitated to the most beautiful and perfect of the new arrivals.

"She's adorable…yes you are…yes you are" Jo burbled as she held Georgia on her back and tickled her tummy while Ellen scratched the ecstatic puppy between it's floppy black ears. The pink tongue lolled and the demonic red eyes glowed.

"I can see why the crossroads demon was so keen to get rid of it…nothing from hell should be that cute." Caleb's dry tone belied the urge to get in on the tummy tickling.

"Doesn't seem to like Sam much." Bobby had noticed the subtle changes in the dog's behaviour around the younger brother but wasn't sure whether it was just jealousy that she had to share her owner with another, or a dislike of Sam himself.

"Feelings mutual" Dean sighed and shook his head making his ponytail swing gently; a sight which both Caleb and Bobby found oddly endearing.

"So, Dean Winchester, you have really outdone yourself this time boy, haven't you? Were you genetically engineered to get your sorry self into as much trouble as possible?"

Missouri Mosely held her stern countenance with difficulty. She could feel the waves of fear, confusion and self doubt rolling off of his psyche in a constant motion. So it was even more astounding to be faced with someone who only seemed a little nervous, a little unsure of their new place in the scheme of things. And, not for the first time, the psychic who had known Dean since he was four years old and Sam since he was a baby, felt guilt at her treatment of the elder brother. She had long ago admitted to herself, though neither boy, that she had always favoured Sam. She had felt his psychic potential even as he lay in his crib and had identified with him, knowing some of the difficulties that he would encounter as he grew, though even she hadn't realised the magnitude of the problems he would face. She had made it her task to convey a positive image of their shared 'talents' so that when his began to manifest he wouldn't be as afraid. She had supported his ambition to live a normal life, knowing that that too would help ground him. And she had been influenced in her views by their father, John. John Winchester, the strong family man broken by the horrific death of his wife yet finding the inner courage to take on the powers of evil themselves to avenge her death and protect his sons. Telling her of his pride in his youngest even though they quarrelled and his later admission that he had been right to leave when he could…mind you he swore her to secrecy on that one.

_Hah! There's no fool like an old fool _she reminded herself. And she'd managed to fool herself pretty damn good. Part of her had seen the way John had treated Dean differently, relied on him as though he were an equal when he was just a little boy but Dean had accepted the role without question. He was Sammy's protector; he was the family provider, he was the one who sobered John up and calmed Sam down; who hustled for money for clothes, schoolbooks and his father's liquor. Who managed to do all these unselfish and brave things while cultivating an image of the school shy boy; the hard drinking hard playing teen and the dedicated hunter.

She saw it all now, lies, all lies. Yes he was school shy, because he put his brother's schooling first and, though he wasn't aware that she knew it, because he was dyslexic. Yes he spent a lot of time in bars, but hustling was work not play and you couldn't hustle if you were drunk so…so much for the hard drinking image. And yes, Dean was a natural hunter but unlike his brother and father his motive was to protect not just to kill; to defend the innocent not take revenge on the guilty. And now that she saw it she was too late to make him see her change of heart. He would automatically put any unusual signs of caring and affection down to his new gender which would make everything so much worse; make him think that HE wasn't good enough to be loved unless he was someone else. She would have to find a way round it, but slowly…no great shocks, the poor boy had had enough of those for a while. And speaking of shocks, she was going to be having words with that brother of his…she hadn't expected that attitude from Sam and she would make sure he knew it….later. First things first.

"Hey Missouri," Dean held his arms out in a 'look at me' gesture, "like the new improved Winchester? The one that would have been perfect to live my life the right way if I hadn't butted in?" It was said with a grin and a wink but as well hidden as the emotions were from most Missouri 'saw' the anger and the sorrow deep inside. She was puzzled by his statement though, as were Caleb, Ellen, Jim and Jo. Bobby had gotten all the details but had only passed on the basics. So he gathered them all on the sofas and let Sam tell his tale.

Pastor Jim Murphy listened impassively to Sam as he gave the details of his plan and the reasons why he kept everyone in the dark, especially Dean. But as he was listening he was also watching the reactions of the others to the tale, wondering how many of them understood the full implications of the use of a potential soul and what a terrible moral burden had been placed on the older Winchester's shoulders. Not that Sam had any other choice in the matter; his brother, well sister, ought to be proud of the faith that Sam had shown in him; knowing that he was up to this task. Jim wasn't so sure that he was or if Sam had even dared tell him the finer details for fear of undermining his/her self confidence. His gaze passed over Bobby who obviously knew. Even if he hadn't earlier he'd had time to research it, and it was equally obvious by their amazed looks, without any hint of anxiety, that Ellen, Jo and Caleb were oblivious to the undercurrents of the combined spell. Missouri? One never quite knew what the wily woman was thinking but he suspected that she was aware of at least part of Dee's problem, the hardship of the life they led and the challenge of keeping an innocent soul as taint free as possible until it was no longer in your care. Of course that was if he even bothered. It was doubtful that he would be able to see the issue in as philosophical a light as a priest or a scholar, like himself or Sam. But it was his and Sam's duty to try to make him understand and to protect him from himself if necessary.

Finally as Sam's story approached their present situation Jim cast his glance toward the brothers. And what he saw shocked him to his bones.

Dean knew! It was obvious from the seriousness of his demeanour and the not quite hidden pain in his eyes that not only did he realise the consequences of Sam's actions but he was willing to shoulder the responsibility. Jim didn't really know why he was so surprised at that considering his lifetime protection of his little brother but outside of family he'd always assumed Dean to be a little uncaring, a little callous.

That Dean was aware and fully understanding of his situation was one thing but it wasn't that observation that shocked the pious man. It was the realisation, on looking at Sam's animated features as he told of his accomplishments, that Sam hadn't the vaguest notion of what he'd wrought. And therefore he had no idea of his brother's internal struggle.

Jim had the sudden feeling of being watched and as he half turned he came eye to eye with Dean who gave a little smile, put a finger to his lips in a shhh gesture and shook his head.

Dean Winchester…ever his brother's protector! Jim nodded his agreement to keep silent but his own expression stated that they would be discussing this further.

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"So Dee, how'd it feel when you woke up all girly?" Dean could see that Jo had a gleam in her eye, well he knew how to put a stop to that, but first there was the other matter to deal with.

"It's Dean…not Dee." The statement brooked no argument but got one anyway.

"But Sam said that you'd chosen the name yourself so how can you not want to use it? Besides, can you imagine the scene 'Hi, I'm Jo and this is my friend, my girl who is a friend…Dean' She smirked at the scowl she received from the feminized face and then frowned at the smug grin from his… er… her brother.

"It's Dean when I'm with all of you. Dee is for strangers."

"But wouldn't it be easier to get used to being a girl if we called you by a girls name?" Sam nodded at Ellen's question and Dean saw everybody but Caleb echo the movement. How could he explain without either sounding crazy or pedantic.

"But I'm not a girl."

"Hate to burst your bubble buddy" Sam sniggered "but last human biology class I attended definitely had those attributes labelled as female."

Dean had to admit that he was getting a little sick and tired of that smug look adorning his brother's face but he couldn't explain without giving away that his great plan had resulted in a slight case of soul stealing and that would devastate his sensitive sibling…or at least he hoped it would. That might not be the case anymore. How else could he make them see that he was a guy…

"So Jo, Ellen, I guess I'm bunking in with one of you then?" Dean accompanied his question with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.

Faced with the reality of having Dean sleeping in the same room as one of them, seeing them without make-up and maybe even without clothes did more than any amount of explanation could in convincing the two women that he was, in fact, still a he…at least where it counted… in his no doubt lecherous brain.

"What! No!, uh uh, no way."

"I really don't think that that would be the best idea."

Bobby guffawed at the sudden about face of the two women while Jim and Missouri were glad that they were staying in the motel down the road.

Sam glared at nobody in particular.

The puppy chewed on Caleb's shoe which still happened to be attached to his foot. He tried to shake her off but as the eyes glowed bright he decided to let her carry on…as long as she didn't go through to the bone. A sudden thought distracted him from being a doggy chew and he looked at Dean with what he hoped was his best leer.

"Well Dean…Bro…Best buddy…looks like you'll be sharing with yours truly. The bed's only a queen but you're so small it…"

"BOBBY! I am not sharing with that…that….PERVERT!" Bobby didn't know which was funnier Dean practically jumping on the spot while waving a panicked hand in Caleb's direction or the fact that nobody, particularly Caleb, had noticed that Georgia had peed on his shoes.

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Once the sleeping arrangements had been sorted out, it being decided that since they'd been sharing motel rooms for the past couple of days they might as well share the same room Sam was paired with Dean; Jo with Ellen and Bobby relegated Caleb to the couch because he refused to have the other hunter's legendary snoring keep him awake. Caleb was offended until Bobby pointed out the state of his shoes whereupon he gave Dean a baleful glare, the puppy a look promising a return to the pit if it dared mark him again and then took himself off to the nearest bar…after changing his footwear.

With Caleb gone for the evening, Sam sulking, Jim and Missouri reappraising years of assumptions and Bobby researching, Dean and the girls called it an early night. The others weren't far behind…it had been a long day.

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"You have got to be joking! No Bobby, no way is Dean able to hunt!"

"Well that's exactly what we don't know ain't it Sam? And what better time to find out than when we've got tons of back-up? Because as sure as eggs is eggs Dean WILL try to hunt at some point and it might as well be as controlled as possible."

"I agree Sam." added Jim as he sipped his first coffee of the morning. Dean needs to find his level. Assess his strengths and weaknesses."

"Yeah man, there's no way to know what he can do until he tries…and I would've thought he'd get more support from you. Of all people you should be the one who is encouraging him…if you don't have Dean then who's gonna have your six dude."

"You don't get it do you? Any of you? You keep letting Dean convince you that he's still himself when he so obviously isn't. HE IS A GIRL. A very small, very ineffectual girl who can't even get HER hand round the grip of her own gun!." Sam's comments did nothing to endear Jo or Ellen to him and Caleb was seething but it was the look of one who had been betrayed on Dean's face that made those present draw in sharp breaths.

"So that's it then huh Sammy? Twenty odd years of hunting, including as a child when I was even smaller than this. All those years of experience and knowledge now useless because YOU have some misguided concept of what a woman can do? I never pegged you for the sexist sort Sam…after all you're taking advice from a female demon,,,"

Both Bobby and Caleb made to question Sam's continuing association with Ruby but decide it could wait. Dean was more important at the moment.

"I'm not sexist…that's your department; after all I'm not the male slut of the family…" Sam knew he'd gone too far as the atmosphere in the kitchen chilled, and not from a supernatural cause.

The horrified yet rapt audience waited with baited breath and Bobby got ready to intercept Caleb if necessary.

Dean smiled sadly. He didn't even try to deny the allegation but his words exonerated him anyway.

"Had my try at monogamy with Cassie Sam…learnt my lesson the hard way so I took my affection where I could get it. We're not all lucky enough to have a Jessica in our lives…or a life to have a Jessica in."

It was the nearest that Dean had ever come to expressing regret for the path his life had taken but before anyone could comment he had shrugged it off and returned, as always, to business.

"Bobby is right Sam. We won't know what I can do until we try and with Caleb and Bobby backing me up the hunt shouldn't be a problem…even if I can't cut it. And as for weapons, Jo is willing to share hers and they're weighted OK for me so…"

"So? So it's all decided already! What about me huh? The big bad hunters have it all figured so Sammy can go play with his Latin declension like a good little brother?"

Sam expected shouting, maybe even violence but with a quiet and disappointed "Grow up Sam" from Dean everybody turned and exited the room intent on planning the hunt for later that night leaving Sam alone with the little voice that pointed out '_That's what you do with little kids that throw tantrums Sammy…you don't hit or yell, you walk away and ignore them until they see sense.'_

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The hunt was a simple one but the angry spirit was decidedly angry. Bobby was interested in how Dean was planning to handle it but the young hunter spent some time just going over the research details until Sam had calmed down enough to join them. When Dean didn't comment on the incident the others followed his lead.

Sam didn't want the hunt to go bad and people end up hurt but it was important that if they wouldn't listen to him they should find outthe hard way that they should now be looking to him. And then like some sort of miracle Dean finally saw the light.

Or so he thought.

"Okay" declared Dean after battling with the now enormous seeming floor plans that reached further than his new arm span. "Sam is going to be taking the lead on this one" he ignored the looks of surprise on the faces of those around him and the delighted grin on his brother's features. The explanation soon came.

"This spirit was once a mentally unbalanced soldier. He attacks on sight, no finesse but plenty of power. The salt rounds will only keep him occupied for a little while but luckily Bobby has found the keepsake anchoring him here. His ashes are in an urn but the urn is inset with a lock of his hair; some weird family tradition. So someone needs to be ready to put him down the minute we go through the door and I don't have the bulk to handle a direct hit, so me and Sammy will reverse positions. He'll lead and I'll have his back. Caleb, you and Bobby will come in at the side door and back window. Spread out and find the urn, you know what to do with it when you find it…."

As Dean laid out the rest of his plans Sam's joy at being recognized as the lead hunter died at the realization that everybody still viewed his little big brother as the one in charge…and he knew at that moment that be he boy or girl Dean would succeed at the hunt and another chance at recognition will have passed ignominiously. At Stanford he had been something…been someone. He was top of his class, student most likely to succeed; he had a beautiful and intelligent girlfriend and the prospect of a glowing future yet here he was once again nothing but Dean's little brother.

He really needed to hear someone who was on his side

'_You're the only one who thinks that there are sides to be taken' _the voice opined calmly.

God! He really needed to see Ruby!

A sudden knock at the door attracted the attention of the strategizing hunters and Sam, who was nearest the door.

Guns were produced from several locations as the protection wards began to glow.

At Bobby's signal Sam yanked open the door.

Speak of the devil!

"Hey Ruby! It's OK guys it's only Ruby." Several snorts, a 'wanna redefine OK' and what sounded suspiciously like a muttered 'skank' greeted the demon.

Ruby had long ago stopped trying to convince anybody that there was such a thing as a half demon and that she wasn't all bad. The only one who believed that was Sam…but then he was the only one she really needed to believe it anyway.

"What are you doing here demon girl?" Bobby didn't appreciate demons on his property and she knew that she was taking a risk but she really needed to find out just how much influence of an unwanted sort, well unwanted by her anyway, they were having on her pet project.

"Just checking in. Wanted to let Sam know the latest word from down below on his achievement…y'know saving his boneheaded brother from eternal damnation and all that."

"And?" Sam didn't want to push her, in fact he could do with some time to talk to the one person who was giving him support but saying that her presence was unwanted by the others was an understatement. Caleb was close to frothing at the mouth and as for Jo well…no comment.

"Oh it's still the talk of the town but word is starting to spread that Dee Dee is weak now…ripe for the plucking so to speak."

At first the group thought that the growling was coming from Caleb…it had been known; but then, like a streak of black lightening Georgia careered across the space between the kitchen and the door where Ruby stood, speechless for once, and sank her small yet extremely sharp teeth into the flesh of the demon's calf muscle. At Ruby's pained scream the puppy let go and began barking at the, to her, evil threat to her human master. Her red eyes positively blazed and her tail thumped angrily rather than it's usual excited wagging.

"Well!?" yelled Ruby as she clutched at her bleeding leg and snatched the tea cloth that Sam had offered her, an apologetic expression on his face. "Aren't you imbeciles going to do anything?"

"She's right" said Bobby calmly as Dean picked up and comforted the still bristling but more subdued pup. "We're definitely going to have to get our Georgia vaccinated. Never know what she might have picked up."

As Dean and Bobby led the others back into the 'war room' Ellen smiled at the indignant demon.

"Bye bye bitch, feel free to bleed out as you leave" With that she slammed the door shut in Ruby's face, leaving her a last glimpse of a contrite looking Sam who shrugged in apology.

'_Definitely a lot of work to do' _she thought as she hobbled down the drive.

'_And that mutt is toast_.'

TBC

Hope you enjoyed.


	6. Chapter 6

_A_ Year and a Day Chapter 6

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Dean let out a breath he hadn't been aware of holding as the soldier's spirit dissipated into the ether. Not that he'd doubted his abilities or thought that he'd somehow made the wrong call…._yeah right, now tell that to the bundle of hormones and nerves that you've turned into_ he thought as he began packing away their gear.

"Good job Sammy" When Dean received no reply other than a scowl he moved into his brothers personal space and hissed. "Just what crawled up your ass and died bro? I'm trying to make the best of a difficult situation here and is it really too much to expect a little more back up from my own brother? Shit, I'm getting more support from a hound of hell!"

"Everything okay boys?" Bobby's friendly enquiry didn't fool either brother one bit. They both realised that he must have seen their body language and feared the worst. Although Dean wondered just what Bobby thought he could do to hurt a ten foot tall giant. Just arguing with the man was giving him a crick in his neck.

"Everything's fine Bobby."

Sam's clipped tone belied his words but Dean was just too tired to push it. He gave the older hunter a warning shake of the head and finished his packing. Truth be told he was feeling more tired than he'd expected and had noted a few moves that would need adapting to stop himself becoming a liability. Even his stomach muscles were protesting and he'd hardly had to do more than fire off a few rounds of rock salt and lead the spirit away from the urn. Of course telling it that it was a pussy who was scared of girls had been bound to succeed…and get him tossed into the nearest wall. Hit the damn wall with his shoulder though not his belly. Did girls feel pain differently? he wondered to himself. They certainly seemed to feel most other things differently because he hadn't ever wanted to celebrate a successful kill by hugging his fellow hunters before. Thankfully he'd retained enough mental 'balls' to hold the impulse back. Still had the urge to eat after a hunt though…that must be a universal reaction; course if he suddenly found himself wanting to eat salad washed down with mineral water while browsing a fashion magazine he would have to ask Caleb to shoot him and put him out of his misery.

SpNSpNSpN

The atmosphere back at the house was one of celebration and not a little relief that Dean's change of gender had not overly affected his skills…or his smart mouth.

"Hey Dean?" called Caleb "Don't forget to put in your journal that if calling the fuglies 'pussy' a sane hunter should wear plenty of padding and be prepared to learn how to fly 'cause dude, all you needed was the stars and stripes costume and that lariat of truth thingy and…" His words were cut off by a well thrown bread roll hitting it's target.

Missouri sat with her cup of camomile tea and contemplated the Winchester brothers. She could feel the tension like a taught wire on the air yet couldn't fathom the reason for it. If the tension had been coming from Dean it would have been understandable; after all, to wake up on what you believed to be your last day on earth, facing an eternity of torture in hell, and she shuddered at that thought…how could the boy have coped so well these past twelve months with that hanging over him?…To wake up with that fear just gone, yet another burden placed on his shoulders would excuse a less than calm reaction in anyone. But the greater tension was coming from Sam. Sam, who had saved his brother from damnation in the only way he could. Who had the full support of his gender swapped brother and the thanks of his 'family' And yet despite all of that was acting like a spoiled child.

'_But that's exactly what he is'_ said a small quiet voice. '_And it's Dean's fault for being the one to spoil him. Sam's just a kid who wanted a normal life and had this travesty of an existence forced on him by his family and by the Yellow Eyed Demon.'_

NO. Missouri was surprised at the vehemence of her own protest and had to look round to check that she hadn't exclaimed out loud. She was also surprised, but not displeased, that she had responded the way she had. She had been listening to this inner voice defending 'little Sammy' at the expense of his big bad brother for years and had come to the conclusion that it was speaking ….well, a word that Dean would have no trouble using. She forced herself to face the now obvious truth that she had been doing Dean a great disservice all these years.

Sam was well and truly pissed and didn't care who knew it; in fact he would be glad to tell anyone who asked…except nobody was asking. Nooo, everyone was concentrating on Lara Croft over by the fridge. She wasn't the only one who distracted the spirit of Harvey Reynolds, and she wasn't the only one to be thrown into a wall….God, he'd been so scared as the small almost weightless form had flown across the room… He pushed the memory aside; he preferred the anger to the fear. He had spent the whole year in a mixed state of fear and anger and he definitely preferred the anger. The fear froze him to a point where he couldn't think; it made him want to call for Dean to come and make things alright. And that need, too, made him angry. And how the hell could he conquer either emotion if his brother was still able to play big brother. How could he make Ruby see him as a strong hunter, the equal to her strength, if she kept seeing him look to Dean for reassurance. She had tried to play it down but he could see the little looks of disappointment when she thought he wasn't looking; the sighs as Dean came to the rescue once again. Jessica had never seen Dean as the stronger, the more capable because until the very end he was never there.

'_Is that it_?' the voice asked with a hint of disbelief; '_you're angry with your brother, you want to undermine his role in your relationship, because you're feeling insecure? Because you're jealous? Jealous of what Sam? Of his constant pain? Of his loss of childhood? Of his sacrifice?…_'**Shut up**! Sam squashed the voice that somehow seemed to know more than he did… '_Or will admit to knowing what you won't acknowledge?_' With a huff which raised a couple of eyebrows Sam headed for the bathroom to take a shower…maybe that would wash Jiminy Cricket down the drain where he belonged.

That evening saw Jim, Ellen and Jo take Sam out for the evening. Partly to cheer him up and, although they would never admit it to the younger brother, to give Dean a rest from all the emo angst that the boy was projecting. It was giving Missouri a psychic headache, and even they could feel it.

Dean and Caleb were sitting at the kitchen table cleaning the weaponry while Bobby and Missouri were preparing dinner. Bobby was still arguing that yes, you could eat chilli 365 days of the year and still be healthy while Missouri was trying to argue the benefit of vegetables.

Dean shook his head, no way would Missouri win that one! Not that he was feeling all that hungry anymore. His stomach wasn't feeling any better, in fact it was worse, although he wasn't feeling queasy or anything. Perhaps he needed the toilet. Making his excuses he headed toward the bathroom.

Twenty minutes later, with Missouri conceding that bell peppers were a vegetable but that one pepper divided by eight people didn't count, Caleb glanced at his watch and frowned. He put the knife he was oiling aside and headed toward the bedrooms. Not finding Dean in any of them he knocked on the closed bathroom door.

"Dean, you in there buddy? You okay?"

Not receiving an answer he pushed the unlocked door open, prepared to look away quickly if he came upon anything too personal. While he would never see or treat Dean as anyone other than his honorary little brother there were new considerations to be taken into account and it was only common courtesy not to walk in on people in bathrooms…but if he wasn't sure Dean was even here…well.

"Hey Dean, buddy, what the hell's wrong?" All thought of privacy went out the window on seeing the small figure curled up on the cold tiled floor clutching his middle with tears running freely down his face. Could Dean have been hurt worse in that house than they'd thought. Internal injuries could take a while to show up. Dropping to his knees by his friend Caleb gently brushed the long blond hair back from the too pale and tear streaked face.

"Dean, come on man, tell me what's wrong. Are you injured?"

"I…I'm f…fine." _Oh God! Why did it have to be Caleb. The only thing that could have been worse was if it had been_….

"I'm going to go get Bobby!"

Dean's desperate Noo died on his lips as his best friend rose and dashed out of the room. "Just shoot me now!" he whispered to himself as he heard the thunder of boots on the hall floor. Before he could so much as form a prayer to Saint Jude, patron Saint of lost causes, both men were kneeling in front of him and his attempt to stand was thwarted by a gentle yet firm hand.

"Tell me what's wrong son, was it that wall toss…you should have said something." Bobby was increasingly worried. Dean was only ever quiet when he was hurt, worried or embarrassed.

Missouri Mosely stood in the doorway, eyes fixed on the small form swamped by the well meaning hunters. There was definitely something wrong, yet she didn't get a feeling of danger. Suddenly desperate green eyes met her own brown orbs and her mouth formed an Oh of understanding. She bit down a laugh…she had a feeling that such a reaction would not go down well, and moved in to rescue the poor lamb.

"Boys, I think I'd be best handling this little emergency." Missouri would brook no argument and she quickly had both men shooed out of the bathroom, closing the door firmly on the still concerned hunters and taking Caleb's place on the floor by the curled up 'girl'

"It hurts Missouri…is it meant to hurt so much?" Dean had decided that humiliation was a small price to pay to get answers. He was getting more than a little scared here; this was no cracked rib or broken limb…he knew where he was with those.

"I'm afraid so precious" she smiled at the surprise that flickered on the pain filled features. She was determined to change the way she treated the boy even if he did think it was because of his new gender. Time would put that thought to rights…she hoped. And he needed a little mothering now. "But a couple of painkillers and a hot water bottle will sort it out. Did you think to buy any sanitary products?"

Dean blushed and shook his head. It had never occurred to him. He knew about this sort of thing of course but it wasn't anything he'd ever had personal experience of…Cassie had been a very private person and he'd respected that; and since she was his only long term relationship…

"Well don't you worry I'll get Caleb to go to the store and we'll soon have you sorted." Missouri saw Dean about to protest at the decision but she gave him a wicked little smile and he soon got the idea. Dare to liken him to Wonder Woman would he….

She left Dean to take a hot bath which she assured him would help with the cramps and moved calmly to the living room trailed by two worried men. She wrote something on a piece of paper and handed it to Caleb.

"I want you to go to the pharmacy and get these things, And be quick about it."

Caleb frowned. Missouri didn't seem too concerned but Dean had been…he looked down at the short list which was immediately read by Bobby who looked over his shoulder. Caleb paled and looked back up at Missouri, shaking his head in panic and denial while Bobby turned away with tears of mirth in his eyes and a stifling hand over his own mouth.

"No! Uh uh, no…I…I can't. He can't …I mean he's a …he's…"

"He is embarrassed, confused and in pain and if you are the friend I think you are you will be brave and go get these things for him."

'_Damn! Hate it when she does that!'_ Caleb thought, eying the list once more. "I'll be back as soon as I can… If I don't die of humiliation." He picked up his jacket and car keys. Missouri chuckled as she heard him muttering beseechingly. "Please God don't let it be a girl behind the counter…or a boy."

By the time the others returned, with Sam a little cheerier, Dean was in bed with a hot water bottle, a large bar of chocolate and a frothy cup of hot chocolate… with sprinkles and mini marshmallows; a sleepy puppy curled up at the end of the bed and Caleb's ipod playing some surprisingly decent tunes. He was reading one of the classic car magazines that Caleb had bought for him despite the fact that they hadn't been on Missouri's list.

At Bobby's quietening gesture on their noisy entrance the group gave him questioning glances. Missouri whispered something into the two women's ears and they immediately uttered Awwws and poor baby's and hurried along to Dean's bedroom; she followed in their wake.

"What's wrong? Is it Dee? What's he gone and done now? Don't tell me he's still doing that hurt but claim you're fine shit?"

"If you're quite finished Sam?" Bobby waited until Sam quietened before he continued. "Dean's feeling a little under the weather but it's nothing to do with the hunt."

"Then what is it? Is it a complication of Sam's spell?" Jim was worried that there might be unforeseen consequences of such a untested ritual…as if the creation of a new soul wasn't complication enough.

"In a way" Bobby saw Sam about to protest and held up a halting hand. That boy was far too ready to take offence. "Now that Dean is inhabiting a girl's body he has all the normal… um… functions of a girl." '_Please don't make me elaborate'_ Bobby prayed silently to any deity that would listen.

It took a few moments for the two men to get it and when they did they both blushed. Any possible jokey comments were wiped from their minds by Bobby's glare. In fact Sam's grin turned to a scowl rapidly as Bobby added.

"Oh, and Sam, you'll be on the couch tonight. Missouri thought it best to give Dean a little privacy. Caleb's offered to take the recliner."

Bobby had been surprised at Caleb's reaction to Dean's predicament. After the initial embarrassment he'd been nothing but solicitous to the other man; fetching him magazines and feeding and walking Georgia for him. That was the thing with Caleb, Bobby mused, Once the hardened hunter decided that you needed him he was there till the end. Not that many people were so loyal. It certainly wasn't something that Dean was used to that was for sure. As he ambled off to his own bed Bobby idly noted to himself that when Sam was displaying his scowl he looked less like a puppy dog and more like a pit bull.

SpNSpNSpN

The next three days were spent quietly. Ellen and Jo had left to get back to the Roadhouse but had taken the time to give the 'new girl' some general advice, figuring that if they'd left it to Missouri the plain speaking woman would have left the poor boy a quivering wreck. Although Jo had decided that Ellen's comment that, if a man started acting toward him the way he remembered acting towards girls he should give them a swift kick in the nuts and run like hell, hadn't gone down all that well and could have been phrased a little more delicately.

Jim took the opportunity to have a word with the older brother. He had quickly given up trying to think of Dean as a real girl, much to Sam's annoyance, because despite the size and gender difference the personality was unmistakably Dean Winchester. The only difference was an air of subdued sadness and, for some reason he couldn't figure, guilt.

Dean was sitting in one of his favourite places, on the hood of his Impala. It was drivable once again thanks to Bobby and some brute strength from Caleb. Georgia was happily sunbathing on a strategically placed blanket…couldn't have scratch marks on the paintwork.

"Hey Jim, been waiting for you to make your move."

Jim laughed. He had, indeed, kept putting off his planned little talk. He'd realised that Dean was aware and accepting of his caretaker role of the innocent soul but he wasn't sure that he entirely understood the implications or enormity of the task.

"I could claim to be giving you time and space to adjust but truth is I'm not sure how this conversation should go."

"You know what he did?" Jim nodded his reply. "And you're aware that he doesn't have a clue what it means?"

"Yes, and I realise that you want to keep it that way, but why don't you want him to know? And how do you know so much about something this complex" At the raised eyebrow and slight smirk Jim realised how condescending he had started to sound. Damn, he'd wanted to avoid that. "I didn't mean to imply that…"

"That I was too stupid to understand a philosophical concept?" Dean waved a dismissive hand which attracted Georgia's attention until she realised that there was no food involved and went back to her favourite chew toy, in the shape of a clown. "Don't worry about it. I probably wouldn't understand it if I read it in a book but it's a bit different when you're living it."

Jim was fascinated, and grateful that the young hunter hadn't taken offence. He had never come across another person in a situation like this before. Possessed, yes; possessing, yes; there had even been a couple of gender swaps; but never someone occupying an empty innocent soul. His inquisitiveness came to the fore.

"Different how?"

Dean paused in thought. He had, indeed, thought of little else these past days, but to put it into words was another thing altogether. Still, Jim had been the first to have the guts to ask so he deserved at least an attempt at an answer.

"It…It's not so much the fact that it's another soul, souls get possessed all the time and I couldn't take care of it worse than a demon would. But this soul is totally innocent. Whatever I do will mark it; if it goes to hell or purgatory or whatever at the end of the year there will be nobody else to blame but me. That's one awesome responsibility y'know?" Jim nodded; having responsibility for your own soul was bad enough…but strangely he had faith in Dean and it was about time he made that clear.

"Dean I don't doubt that you will care for your this soul as if it were your own."

"That's what I'm scared of." The voice was small and sad.

"What! Why?"

"Because my own soul must be pretty tarnished by now and we both know which direction I'll be headed come the day."

"Indeed we do" Jim stated with total confidence. "Dean did it ever occur to you that if you were destined for the pit on your death then the demon would never have had to do a deal to get you there? That they'd only have to kill you to get the result that they obviously desire."

Dean frowned. He'd never thought of it that way before.

Jim let the subject drop. He hoped that he'd planted a seed that would bear fruit and give the beleaguered hunter some severely lacking positive self image.

"She would have done everything so much better." The words were almost whispered and with such guilt and reverence that the pastor was staggered.

"Who Dean?" he whispered back.

"Deborah."

Jim was confused for a moment and then the full weight of Dean's burden hit him. Dean gave him a sad smile that acknowledged the cleric's understanding.

"She would have been what Sam really needed, a mother figure; and Dad wouldn't have got so hard and cold with a girl to look after."

"You can't know that Dean! With a girl to care for John might have given you both over to child services and without a big brother Sam might not have made it to adulthood."

"And with a girl to raise Dad might never have gotten into hunting in the first place and Sammy would have had the normal life he craved."

"And the demon would have had a free reign and then where would we all be?" Jim sighed with relief that that point had seemed to give the tormented brother pause for thought. How could any of them not spotted what turmoil the boy was going through! 'Because it's Dean Winchester' he answered himself. Jim realised that this year would be tougher for the confused young man than anyone had thought. He just hoped that everyone would be helping him through it and not putting emotional obstacles in his path.

Ruby moved away from her listening position on silent feet. It had cost her a big favour to be able to cross the wards unnoticed and mask her scent from that vicious little bitch of a hound, but it had been worth it. Who would have thought the mighty Dean Winchester was so insecure. That there was so much potential for undermining Sammy's supposedly strong protector. And even more satisfying if she could get the little brother to be the one to bring him to his knees. And, of course, if all else failed she was sure she could find a guy who would just love the chance to get to know a nice innocent little girl like Dee Dee. See how long she could keep that shiny soul unsullied.

If nothing else broke him then that certainly would. And she couldn't wait. Dean broken and Sam as her puppet…a dream made in…well not heaven that's for sure.

TBC

Hope you enjoyed the trials and tribulations of being female. I'm pretty sure Dean didn't…poor baby! Next chapter will probably involve a jump forward in time because let's face it he's only been a girl for about a week and I'm six chapters in. Twelve months could leave this rivalling the complete works of Shakespeare!


	7. Chapter 7

A Year And A Day Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own them, which is probably a good thing considering how badly I treat them - And I don't even make any profit…so sad.

A/N Okay a bit of a time jump here. We move forward to seven months in but there may well be mentions of events 'off screen' as it were, where necessary, to events during the missing months.

Warning: This chapter contains rape. It is not graphic and the scene is short. I don't believe that an M rating is necessary because I do not describe anything in detail and there is no violence involved. Just thought I'd let you know though.

Dean sat on the window seat of the bedroom he occupied when he was staying with Missouri. In the seven months since his gender change a sort of routine had evolved with him, Sam and Caleb, when he wasn't off hunting elsewhere, dividing their time equally between Missouri's and Bobby's. The two honorary parental figures had decided that Dean needed their emotional and also their practical support and as much as he wanted to deny it Dean had to admit that they weren't wrong.

In some ways things had become easier as time had crawled by. Dean had gotten used to 'being' a girl. To the hormones, the biological peculiarities and to allowing enough time for his hair to dry before a hunt…wouldn't do to catch a chill. Never could master the art of getting pantyhose on without ruining them though. It's probably one of those things that take a lifetime of practice…like applying mascara without blinding yourself.

But even those tasks were a walk in the park compared with dealing with Sam. In that task he'd failed dismally; even Missouri was getting fed up with Sam's behaviour and Bobby was hardly speaking to him. He just wished his family would stop fighting. Why did it always have to be this way…with him in the middle.

Dean desperately wanted to confront his brother; to shake some sense into him and make him see that they could still be a good team. He had done everything he could think of to adapt to his new situation. The recoil on the shotgun was too much so he became an expert with the lightweight crossbow, for which he'd developed special salt tipped bolts. Even Caleb had been impressed by that although the nickname Buffy was wearing a bit thin…only a bit though because she was a pretty good vampire hunter.

When it became obvious that his normal fighting style no longer packed the punch it once did…quite literally, he adopted a girl style of attack, which pretty much involved hair pulling and well placed kicks in sensitive places with a mixture of martial arts resulting in a form of street fighting that bore a strong resemblance to Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon. Twisting the head off that vamp by wrapping his legs round it's neck and twisting it one way while Caleb had twisted the body in the opposite direction had earned him the nickname thunder thighs …but not for long because it seemed that Caleb had a well developed sense of self preservation…and a deep and abiding love for his family jewels.

None of it mattered in the end though. Every time that Caleb got called away to another hunt Sam would recruit Ruby to 'help' They would use their freaky powers to do the moves he no longer could and some that he couldn't do even when he was a guy. And when he complained he was told to stop being petty. It seemed that his brother, with a distinct lack of insight for a self confessed touchy feely person, thought he was jealous of Ruby. Because she was also a girl and could hold her own in the hunter's world and he, the natural hunter in the family couldn't. Please! As far as Dean was aware only Sam saw the bitch as a girl. She was a demon for pity's sake. But her hold on Sammy was growing and he feared for their family if she wormed her way in.

He had a strange feeling that he might not survive the experience of having Ruby as a 'sister in law'….also quite literally. Sometimes it all made him feel so alone, which was the greatest of his fears; and so inadequate, the greatest of his own perceived failings, that he was tempted to tell Caleb what they did while he was away, trouble was the more adjusted he'd become the less valid reason there was for his 'big brother' to stay leaving more opportunities for Sam & Ruby to bond a la Bonnie and Clyde. But he couldn't put that burden on the older hunter. He was needed out there, killing and saving and there was always the chance that if he found out how the duo were treating him he would lose it all together and Sam could get hurt. He almost wished that Missouri were still reading him and would take these secret feelings from him but she had respected his privacy without even being asked. He wondered what she would have thought of him had he been born Deborah. If she would have treated him differently from the get go. He had the strangest feeling, though, that this new attitude wasn't altogether connected with his female form; he hoped so anyway.

At a sound from the hall he broke off from his maudlin thoughts and smiled as his no longer small puppy scampered in. The large paws really should have given him a clue. He supposed that in comparison with a proper full blood hellhound she was a bit of a runt but she was still growing and was quite a formidable looking specimen of dog. She still didn't like Sam much and Ruby didn't dare be in the same room with her. Only when hunting would she tolerate the demon's presence and that was because she had a more important duty…to protect her master from the fugly of the week.

Dean hadn't told anyone but Caleb of the bond he felt with the hound. He had realised from the start that they were linked when the visible thread issued by the crossroads demon had gone from the pup to his heart but it was only now that she was older that he was becoming aware of that connection's consequences. For instance he knew where she was and she knew his location all the time, like a mental GPS locator signal. And if he concentrated he could give her orders without speaking which should come in handy when she was old enough to hunt properly. And didn't that drive Sam crazy; when he or Ruby suggested sending Georgia into a building first to take the brunt of any attack Dean would always refuse, saying that Georgia was family or that she wasn't old enough. And since he was the only one she would obey…She wouldn't even follow Caleb's orders and, much to his public complaint and private delight, she adored the older hunter. Dean figured it was because he hadn't punished her for peeing on his shoes. Dean put aside his depressed feelings to play with the pup. Sam never had worked out where he'd gotten her name from; not until Bobby had put on one of his country stations as they were driving along and Sammy had suddenly groaned and slammed his head into the backrest several times. He'd won twenty bucks from Caleb on that one. He knew that Sam was convinced that in the Dean book of music if it wasn't rock it didn't exist. His face as the lyrics floated toward him had made him wince, then scowl and then shake his head just like the old Sam, with that rueful grin. It had been worth the teasing he'd endured about his secret knowledge of country just for that brief feeling of …of normality…of family…of home. He sang the words to Georgia who, as always, responded by rolling over in a not very devilish manner for a not so evil tummy rub.

Missouri stood in the hall listening as Dean serenaded his dog, shaking her head in a mixture of sorrow and exasperation. She knew how lonely the boy was, how far apart he and Sam were drifting…But that damn tune would be in her head for the rest of the day…

'Well the Devil went down to Georgia,

He was looking for a soul to steal

He was in a bind, he was way behind

And he was willin' to make a deal.'

SpNSpNSpN

Sam wasn't sure that this was a good idea and he definitely wasn't going to tell Dean that it was Ruby's idea. He'd swear that if he thought it was Ruby's idea that he breath in and out the stubborn idiot would suffocate himself just to be awkward. And Ruby was trying so hard to be nice, to be normal but nobody was giving her a chance. It wasn't fair; she couldn't help being who she was. How could the people who claimed to love him not be there for him when he needed their support; how could they treat Ruby with such suspicion…such prejudice, and just because she wasn't quite normal. Well he wasn't normal either so where did that leave their feelings for him, for their brother and friend?

'_Perhaps they just see things clearer than you?_' He sighed as Jiminy made his presence felt.

'_Perhaps what you see is not them being prejudiced against Ruby but them being protective of you. After all when has Dean ever treated you with less than love and devotion, even after finding out about your powers? That he treats Ruby differently should tell you something.'_

'Yeah, it tells me that he's jealous of her. Of how she can be a girl and still be strong. How she can do things…we can do things… that he'll never be able to do.' He hadn't meant to answer his imaginary little voice but once he had it went silent….so why could he feel a lingering disappointment, as though he'd failed some sort of a test. He shook the feeling off and set his mind to his task. It wouldn't be easy but Sam Winchester was up to the challenge.

He would get Dean out on the town tonight. Even if he had to carry him bodily.

Ruby had been right it was what Dean needed. He knew that they all needed to chill out. He was sure that if Dean could get to know Ruby on a social level he'd see a whole new side to her. And Sam had to admit that he needed a break himself. What with Missouri's disappointed sighs sent his way on an increasingly regular basis and Caleb's glares he was starting to feel a little hard done by.

'_Kind of how Dean's felt for years_?' 'Oh shut up'

SpNSpNSpN

This had been a really bad idea. So Ruby wasn't perfect but then she'd never claimed to be. He was Dean's brother and it was down to him to realise that when Dean didn't want to do something but did it anyway he would spend the whole evening sulking like a rock fan at the opera. If he rang Missouri one more time to check on that damn dog or sneered at Ruby when she tried to start a conversation…but then he had to admit that asking Dean if she minded 'her' butt being slightly out of proportion to the rest of 'her' body probably wasn't the most tactful way to win friends. Truth be told he'd rather be out drinking with a hungry vampire than his brother tonight.

Oh God they were at it again.

"I didn't say that you couldn't shoot as well as you did. I simply pointed out that there was no point because you can only hold a pop gun."

"yeah well I'd rather that than be a dirty puff of black smoke being kept alive by a walking corpse."

"Hey! Dean that's not fair."

"Stay outa this Sammy. This is between me and Mortitia Addams here….no I take that back, Mortitia was hot; you wouldn't even get a necrophiliac har…."

"DEE! I said that's enough. Leave her alone. She's done nothing to hurt you so back off."

Dean looked up at the intimidating figure of his baby brother towering over him, fists clenched and mouth pulled into an angry thin line.

"Gonna lower yourself to hitting girls now Sammy? Thought I raised you better than that?"

Dean could see that his brother was warring with his own instincts. Sam would never hit a girl, of that Dean was certain; but he would, and on occasion had, hit out in the past, they both had…brothers fight, what brothers didn't. And part of Dean wished that he would land that punch coiled in that ham sized fist, because that would reassure him that his little brother still saw him inside this shell…the real Dean.

"Come on Sam, let's go dance and let things cool down huh?"

Sam's clenched hands relaxed as Ruby gently stroked his arm and spoke soothingly. He allowed himself to be led away to the dance floor with a last glare at his 'sister'.

Dean sighed and twirled his beer bottle round and round as he willed himself to calm down. Why hadn't Sam seen that look of victory in the demon's eyes? '_Because love is blind…and lust don't see that well either, what with everything being rose tinted'_. He put the bottle to his lips and took a long pull, grimacing at the bitterness. Who would have thought that he'd lose the taste for alcohol. Of course Sam couldn't understand his refusal to let his hair down, the need to keep control and perhaps if he'd had more than two beers, been a little drunker, Ruby would have seemed a little less skanky….Nah! But with only five months to go he couldn't risk slipping now. Of course the soul he was riding wasn't as pure as day one but he'd managed to avoid any major sins or possible sins. There had been a little hustling at darts and that idiot who'd come on to him and had ended up in the ER…but he was hoping for extenuating circumstances on that one. And he was pretty sure that killing fuglies didn't qualify as murder…more a public service. Wasn't sure about werewolves though 'cause they were kinda human most of the time. But he'd face that dilemma if he ever came to it.

"Hey, you look a little lonely…mind if I join you?"

Dean looked across to the opposite seat, the one that should be occupied by his sasquatch of a brother. This was not him. This was…he didn't have a clue who this was. And why was he having trouble working out why that mattered so much?

"Who…?" Dammit he was so tired. Must have gotten out of the habit of partying somewhere over the last seven months.

"Just a friend…a new friend. Thought a pretty little thing like you shouldn't be sitting alone. You never know what could happen." The stranger smiled a broad friendly and totally sincere smile.

He knew that it was a friendly smile because he'd been practicing it all afternoon. He took another good look at his target; the deep green eyes and the oh so pouty lips. The silky blond hair and the freckles across her nose. He couldn't believe his good fortune. The hottest chick he'd had in months…and he was getting paid to do her! He didn't even have to do the tricky bit. He pushed the doctored beer back up to the full lips and pushed the hair out of the confused and dilated eyes.

"Drink up sweetheart. That's the good stuff…make you feel all warm and fuzzy."

Dean frowned…did he want to feel warm and fuzzy? But as he swallowed the bitter liquid his worries seemed to fade away.

Sam stared at the empty table in confusion. His brother hadn't left that spot all evening…well actually that was probably why he wasn't here now.

"Where's Pollyanna?" Ruby inserted just the right amount of snark into her question. It wouldn't do to sound too concerned; she wasn't sure she could pull that sentiment off anyway.

"Must have gone to the bathroom."

"Uh uh. I just came from there…unless she's still wandering into the men's rest rooms?"

Sam grinned. "No. We got past that." He remembered with affection the way his brother had covered his slip up with his usual bravado…telling the poor man at the urinal who had nearly damaged himself in his frenzied efforts to get decent 'Mine was bigger'.

Ruby frowned. Sam getting all soft and sappy about his brother was most definitely not what she wanted.

"I'll ask around Sam, you wait here in case he comes back. He might just have decided to get into the spirit of the evening."

Ruby wasn't gone long before she brought news to a worried Sam. She didn't have to be since she knew exactly what had happened. She smirked. She knew exactly what was happening right this minute too.

"Well?" Sam didn't want to admit that he was worried but he should never have left the new vulnerable Dean alone. His worry turned to anger at Ruby's next comment.

"Sorry Sam, but it looks like we've been blown off for a better prospect."

"Huh?"

"Seems Dee Dee got herself a hot date. One of the bartenders saw her leave with a good looking guy about ten minutes ago."

"But he wouldn't. I mean he's a he."

Ruby snorted, which she thought was an inspired touch. "Perhaps those female hormones are stronger than you thought; perhaps he's not as hetro as you thought or perhaps he just got so damned horny that he doesn't care any more." She knew what his next thought would be and she was prepared for it.

"What if…w…what if he didn't go willingly? Oh God…" Sam made to stand up but sat back down with a thump as Ruby stated emphatically.

"No Sam. Bartender had had his own eye on Dee all night. Says she was all over the guy. And since she didn't even have two beers we can rule out her being drunk. Looks like she just decided to have a little slutty fun." Ruby laughed and hammered home her point. "It is Dean we're talking about after all Sam. Surely you didn't think he could keep the virginal act going for a whole twelve months?"

Sam shot up out of his chair. Of all the selfish, stupid idiots. Well if he wanted to be the sort of girl he'd usually date then he could. He had more important things to do than be his brother's keeper.

"Come on Ruby. Let's go somewhere a little less trashy, have a meal and then maybe catch a movie; like normal people do."

Ruby smiled broadly. '_Oh joy - not' _she thought. Looked like Dean was the only one who was going to be having fun tonight. Well…maybe not.

Sam smiled at Ruby's sudden burst of laughter. He was glad she was here; she was good for him.

SpNSpNSpN

Dean gasped for air. Why couldn't he breathe? Where was he? Where was Sammy? Was Sammy in danger?

Dean pushed against the heavy weight pressing him down but he had no strength. Why did he hurt? Had he gotten into a fight? Why couldn't he remember?

The weight moved…. It grunted….was it a spirit? … Had it hurt Sammy?

Hurt! It hurt.

Darkness…wrong…failed her…failed Dee…failed Sam.

Please Sammy? Where are you….where….

SpNSpNSpN

Sam checked Dean's room first thing next morning. He sneered at the unused bed. Looked like Ruby had been right. Well at least now his brother couldn't play the holier than thou card over his relationship with Ruby. At least they were behaving with dignity. Why couldn't Dean just show some self control. Sam sighed and went down to breakfast. Perhaps Missouri would get off his back once she learned of Dean's sleeping around. She was a moral woman.

On the other hand she might throw them out. Then they'd have to go back to Bobby who wasn't even speaking to him. Or she might blame him for letting Dean out of his sight.

'_And wouldn't she have a point?' _

This time he had no answer.

SpNSpNSpN

Dean pressed his hand to his forehead to stop his brain falling out and tried to remember when he'd ever had a hangover like this before. He couldn't.

He pushed himself up to a sitting position on his bed.

Except it wasn't his bed. It wasn't even his room.

"What the?" he muttered as he looked round what was obviously a motel room. He frowned and his heart began to race.

He looked down at his unclothed body.

At the fingerprint bruises adorning his flesh

His head began to spin

'Oh God!'

'Oh please God no!'

TBC

A/N: Hope that went OK Never written something like that before.

The Devil Went Down To Georgia was recorded by the Charlie Daniels Band.


	8. Chapter 8

**A Year And A Day Chapter 8**

**.**

Dean managed to sneak into the house unobserved and headed straight for the shower. He really didn't want to run into Missouri because although she had stopped trying to actively pick up on his thoughts there was no way that she would miss the signals he must surely be sending out now.

And there was the matter of Sam. There was no way he wanted Sam to see him like this…weak and afraid….and ashamed. And as much as he hoped that if his brother did find out that he had been….had been raped…he forced himself to acknowledge the fact, even if only to himself; maybe especially to himself because he was damn sure he hadn't agreed. Well if he could remember anything past Sammy & Ruby storming off. But Dean had been drugged enough times, either by Dad trying to render him unconscious in order to stitch him up; a fellow hustler trying to get an edge on the game or by his own hand in order to sink into a peaceful oblivion for a few hours when the loneliness got too much….yeah, too many times not to know that he was suffering from the after effects of some narcotic, maybe rohypnol. And drugged people aren't capable of giving their consent.

It didn't matter if he hoped that Sam would be angry for him instead of at him because he knew that his little brother wouldn't believe him. Since when did he ever believe a word he said. His lawyer's brain had probably tried and convicted him already based solely on his sudden disappearance. Probably so sure that the brother he viewed as a male slut had regressed true to type and given into his nature.

But Sammy never had understood, and Dean was glad that he had never needed to understand, just how lonely it could be being the big brother who daren't leave his sibling unattended long enough to have a proper relationship…the incident with the Shtriga had seen to that….or had to barter his teenage body in exchange for extra nights at motels or for groceries because Dad was late back from a hunt. Or that, sometimes, he felt so unloved that a few hours with another warm body belonging to someone he could pretend cared for him was more important to him than his long lost virtue. Sam may not have had Jess for very long but it was more than he, himself, would ever know.

Dean turned the heat on the shower up to it's highest setting and began to attempt the impossible, to get rid of the feeling of grubbiness that permeated every pore on his body. He knew that any other girl should report the crime and preserve the forensic evidence but he was not any other girl; he didn't actually exist and despite his acquisition of false documentation months ago he didn't want to take the risk of being discovered as a fraud or draw undue attention to what remained of his family. So he scrubbed until his skin was red raw and his brain could no longer hold the exhaustion and shock at bay. He sank to his knees in the cubicle and sobbed quietly for himself and the soul that he, in his own mind, had failed to protect in the worst way possible. He didn't know if it would be written as a sin on his own soul out there wherever it was or if it would scar the pure soul he had tried so hard to keep that way, either way the jets of water that were washing away his tears would never succeed in washing away the dirt he felt clinging to the body and soul that had walked out of that sleazy motel room this morning.

SpNSpNSpN

"So you finally decided to crawl away from wherever you spent the night; or should I say whoever you spent the night with." Sam's face was uncompromisingly grim; undeniably self righteous as he confronted Dean in his bedroom as he finished dressing, and, just for a moment, Dean wanted to tell his morally perfect brother - sorry dude but time gets hazy when you're being drugged and raped. Oh, and what's for breakfast? - He wanted to see that certainty crumble and fail and the tears of empathy form in the hazel eyes. He wanted Sammy's contrition for this and all the other times over the past months when he'd been on the receiving end of hard looks and cruel or dismissive words. Most of all he wanted Sam's support; his anger at the bastard who had dared to hurt his big brother. His rage at the scum who had violated the virgin body of what might have been his sister.

He wanted to say all that but he didn't.

Because….Because it was Sammy. And just because his younger brother was being an idiot right now he didn't really deserve that. Hell, he'd had to put up with HIS fair share over the years too, big brothers weren't actually perfect. And because despite being out of his mind as he was assaulted in that room it WAS his own fault…his shame to shoulder, and he didn't want Sam to see just how imperfect, how useless, he really was; that Ruby was right about him. After all if he couldn't protect himself how could he hope to protect his brother.

He turned his thoughts back to Sam…he had to since his brother suddenly had him pinned to the bedroom wall, thankfully by mere human strength not super freaky powers. A brief flash of memory hit him then, of a sweaty, heavy breathing body pressing into him and he gasped at the remembered fear.

Sam drew back suddenly at the gasp from his brother. He hadn't even realised that he'd pushed the slight figure up against the wall. He'd just been so angry at Dean's lack of respect for his own body and the embarrassment he had caused to both him and Ruby, and Missouri if she ever found out. As if he had put out a psychic loud hail the owner of the house was suddenly knocking on the closed door…well hammering might be a better word…hammering and shouting….At him! It never used to be this way; Dean was always the one faced with the threat of the infamous wooden spoon, not him.

"Samuel Winchester you get your bullying self out here immediately. And Dean you come and control your puppy before he eats more than the furniture."

Dean dashed past his brother and yanked open the door. He'd forgotten that Georgia would respond to his emotional state. He took the opportunity the dog offered to sidle past the psychic and he refused to meet her eyes. He knew that if he did he would crumble. As he led the still agitated pup down the stairs he heard Missouri's not so dulcet tones as she almost certainly pushed his brother back into the bedroom.

"Get in that room boy; you and I need to have a serious talk."

Sam looked hopefully past Missouri as she pushed him gently but forcefully backward in the hope that Dean would turn and rescue him from the psychic's wrath.

'_More gently and less forcefully than you treated your brother'_ the voice taunted.

"Oh shut the hell up will you."

"I beg your pardon young man!"

Sam's face took on a cartoon like look of panic and despite her anger at the younger Winchester Missouri had to force herself not to laugh. She knew very well what voice the young psychic was responding to and she wouldn't interfere with his quiet 'conscience'

"N…no Missouri! Not you…I was just thinking out loud" Sam winced at the disbelieving raised eyebrow that was almost a carbon copy of Deans and he immediately, as he did so often lately, got defensive and a defensive Sam was a churlish Sam.

"So what have you got to say for yourself Samuel? How could you treat Dean that way; in fact how can you treat any person so much smaller and vulnerable than yourself like that?"

Any promise he had made to himself not to mention Dean's indiscretions and lewd behaviour fled in the face of the woman's apparent favouritism. The little voice's soft '_You never seemed unduly concerned when you were the favourite' _wasn't even given the chance to sink in as Sam snapped his reply.

"Vulnerable! He's about as vulnerable as a ten dollar hooker. Your poor Dean was out all night getting her…. himself… laid. Guess curiosity finally won out huh? Now he knows how the other half feels…should improve his technique when he turns back."

Sam had expected anger from the volatile woman; he had expected the threat of the wooden spoon or a trip back to Bobby's in disgrace. What he did not expect, and therefore found far more painful, was the look of disappointment and sadness.

"M…Missouri I…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…to…." He couldn't finish. He didn't know how to take that look off of her face.

Missouri said nothing for several moments. In truth there was nothing she could say to Sam. He was as far removed from the sweet little boy she had known as it was possible to get. She knew he was being heavily influenced by Ruby but she also knew that attacking the demon girl would only make the stubborn Winchester dig his heels in further. She was, however, encouraged by his signs of contrition…even if it was directed at the wrong person. The best thing for Sam at this moment was to let him think on his actions and try to get back on his true path. It was something nobody else could do for him.

Sam grew puzzled as Missouri, rather than chew him out or throw him out, sent him on an errand to pick up some books she'd ordered. He supposed that the motherly woman wanted to have a talk with Dean….maybe even The Talk. Sam chuckled at the thought as he grabbed the Impala's keys and left his brother to her tender mercies.

SpNSpNSpN

Missouri found Dean in the kitchen, just as she expected to. It was nothing to do with her power, Dean always gravitated to her kitchen; for some reason it always soothed him. She had noticed that he did the same at Bobby's and Pastor Jim's. She had an idea that it reminded him of his mother in some subliminal way.

She watched from the doorway for a few moments as he calmed and fussed over Georgia until she curled up at his feet with a huge doggy yawn. She knew that he was aware of her presence…he was a hunter. When her inner mama told her that the time was right she entered the kitchen and walked over to the range to make tea. Knowing but not understanding his aversion to herbal teas in general and camomile in particular she settled on Darjeeling and brought two cups and a plate of chocolate chip cookies to the table.

"He told you." It was a statement not a question.

"He told me that you didn't come home last night…that you spent the night with a companion." She kept her tone even. She didn't want to sound judgemental…because she wasn't, but the supposedly thick skinned Winchester had the ability to take even the mildest of comments and imbue them with an intent they were never meant to contain.

"I don't want to talk about it." Dean was desperate for her to leave this be because he was one small step away from losing it and he couldn't afford to let the strongest woman he had ever known see what a failure he was as a girl and how he had failed his mother, her friend, in the care of her would be daughter.

"I know you don't Dean." Indeed she did know. She was getting the strangest feeling about this. Why would Dean feel guilt at a simple night of romance. It was hardly a sin in this day and age and he was physically and hormonally, though not mentally, a typical girl. Could that be it? She wondered. Could the male part of Dean be viewing this as a gay thing and be confused.

"There's no shame in having sex Dean and I know it must be strange for you to feel attraction toward another man but…." She broke off at the sudden mirthless laughter that was almost a sob.

Oh God! She thought he was scared of becoming gay. If only it were that simple.

"Dean?" Missouri had a very bad feeling that she couldn't quite place but knew better than to ignore.

Missouri's voice was as commanding as a Marine drill sergeant and as soft and gentle as a mother's caress and it was a combination that broke Dean's resolve.

"I…I..d…don't remember."

"Well it's not surprising that alcohol will affect you differently in your smaller b…"

"I wasn't drunk…I'd only had one and a half beers. You don't understand."

Missouri's skin had gone cold. The feelings pouring off of Dean were becoming stronger and clearer.

Fear

Self loathing and shame

Guilt

She had felt those same feelings once. She had been nineteen.

'_Please God, no._'

"Dean….Dean were you….?" Missouri didn't need to finish her question

"I couldn't even fight back…I couldn't think…and I don't remember Missouri. I failed Sammy and you and everybody and I don't fucking well remember!"

Dean suddenly found himself in a warm embrace that brought down the last of his barriers and his angry outburst turned into heart rending sobs that seemed to steal his very breath away, but he couldn't stop the flood. He tried to pull away, his shame at his disintegration was ignored, however, as Missouri just pulled him in tighter and he slipped from his chair to the floor where Missouri had knelt to better comfort him, rocking him gently back and forth and whispering soothing nonsense into his ear. Georgia whimpered quietly at her master's suffering but was content to let the psychic tend to her human.

Missouri heard the front door open and presumed that Sam had returned. She wasn't going to stop him walking in on his devastated brother. It was about time that boy came to his senses and if seeing this could help then so be it.

But it wasn't Sam who entered the kitchen and took in the scene before him. Who saw the sobbing Winchester curled tight in Missouri's arms.

And promptly jumped to the obvious…and wrong conclusion.

SpNSpNSpN

"Dean!" Caleb approached the duo slowly, stopping to pet a worried but welcoming Georgia.

Kneeling by the pair he caught Missouri's eye…and was shocked. He didn't think he'd ever seen the woman cry before.

"What did that bastard brother do to upset him this time?"

The menace in his normally jovial voice got through to Dean like nothing else.

"No! No Caleb, wasn't Sam…wasn't Sam."

Dean attempted to straighten up. Breaking down in front of Missouri was bad enough without doing it in front of the man he respected most in the world after his father, and equal to his admiration of Bobby; one look at the concern and puzzlement on Caleb's face and he realised that unless offered the truth there was no way the protective fool would believe that Sam wasn't responsible for his present state.

"Honey he needs to know." Missouri may have had the experience of being the victim of a rapist but she hadn't forgotten that Dean was essentially a man raped by another man and he needed his 'older' brother now. It was one of those feelings that she didn't dare ignore. With Sam more than a little self absorbed at the moment Dean needed his extended family around him. He needed Caleb…and he needed Bobby.

"I can't….I'm sorry…I…"

"Missouri?"

It was obvious that Dean wanted to tell Caleb; or at least that's what Missouri hoped as she took a deep breath and with a facial expression that Caleb correctly interpreted as 'don't screw this up' proceeded to shatter his world.

"Dean went out to a club last night with Sam and Ruby. I don't know all the details but someone drugged his drink and….Dean was raped Caleb. Our baby boy was raped.

Dean waited as he heard the dreaded words from someone else's lips. Waited for the anger; the shouting to start. For the telling off that he so richly deserved.

He felt Missouri's hands leave him and he looked up to see her teary and rather wobbly smile just before a new set of hands replaced hers and his face was pressed into a new chest, his long blond hair covering his face like an unwelcome veil.

The new hands seemed to understand as the brushed back the ash blond strands. Dean's own small hands gripped the muscular biceps and his choked quiet voice sobbed

"I couldn't stop him Caleb. I'm sorry….I'm so sorry."

"Shhh Dean, man; it's all gonna be okay. It's me that should be sorry. Should never have left you unprotected. It's my fault. Mine and Sam's" his voice took on a hard edge and Missouri's renewed warning glance made him wince but he couldn't help the way he felt. Dammit! His best friend, his little brother had been raped by some son of a bitch and neither of them had protected him. He knew without a doubt that Dean would have been there for them. And where was the little runt anyway?

"And what does Sam have to say about this…where is he and somebody had better tell me he's out tracking this bastard down!"

"From what he said to me earlier I don't think he knows."

"NO!"

"Dean?"

"Sweetheart?"

Caleb and Missouri's simultaneous queries were filled with disbelief at his protest, but it was necessary that Sam never know. Didn't they realise the guilt that his brother would feel at leaving him to the mercy of that creep? And with the guilt would come even more resentment and then maybe even hate. He couldn't live with that. Maybe if he could keep it under wraps for the next few months Sam would see sense. When he was back to himself. When he saw through that demon bitch's tricks.

It was a long shot but it was the only hope he had left.

"Please? You know he would blame himself…"

"And so he should the little…."

"Caleb!"

"Sorry Ma'am."

"I won't be the one to drive him into Ruby's clutches" Dean's voice took on a quality that they hadn't heard for some months…pure steely determination.

Caleb and Missouri exchanged surprised and hopeful glances. Maybe their boy wasn't down and out yet after all. And he did have a point.

"Okay, we'll keep it between us on one condition."

Dean nodded for Missouri to go ahead.

"I want to tell Bobby….no Dean" she commanded before the inevitable refusal crossed Dean's lips. "We don't know if this was a random attack or if it's part of some greater plan and even if it's one piece of scum acting alone you still need your family around you."

Dean had to concede that she had a point and they were agreeing to keep a big secret for his sake.

"Alright, but don't think this means you can wrap me up in cotton wool."

Missouri chuckled at the pout although she wanted to cry at the brave attempt at normality.

"I have a condition too….I want something that you wore last night."

"Caleb?"

"What the hell dude?"

Missouri smiled grimly and Dean ducked his head as fresh tears, this time of gratitude, fell at Caleb's reply.

"Think it's time that our pup learned to do what a hell hound does best…track and hunt…track and hunt humans."

TBC

Hope you enjoyed. The angst isn't over for poor Dean yet but never fear Sam will be redeemed…just not quite yet.


	9. Chapter 9

A year and a day chapter 9

Disclaimer: Nope, Kripke still hasn't seen sense and given them over to my care so as well as making no profit I have to give them back.

Please note that _italics _indicate thoughts or internal conversations.

A/N Sorry for the delay in posting. I've been a little poorly, but I'm all better now so onward people, onward…

.

It hadn't taken much for both Dean and Missouri to deter a furious Caleb from dashing straight out with a more than willing hellhound to tear the rapist into bite sized pieces; just one look from the motherly but scary psychic told him that Dean's welfare came first and Dean's fear for the no longer untainted but still innocent soul finally made him realise just why his little brother had been so reserved and cautious these past months. He had listened to Bobby and Jim's explanations of Sam's spell but the enormity of it all hadn't sunk in. Now, knowing how much hurting the soul would hurt Dean he agreed to hold fire for a few days to give Dean some time to rest, and Missouri had wrangled a promise from him not to kill the bastard who had hurt his as good as brother - he noticed that she hadn't mentioned anything about not maiming. Dean's smile told him that he had noticed it too.

And there was the practical issue to consider. Neither of them knew just how to get a hellhound to hunt. They both reckoned that some form of mental link was involved and in his fragile state neither Missouri nor Caleb were willing to put Dean through any more mental pressure. They would just have to wait for Bobby to arrive. Missouri had called him and, without giving him too many details, had told the surrogate father that his boy needed him. He was also their resident expert on hellhounds. In fact he was probably the world's only expert on hellhounds. But then how many other people had a real life specimen to observe? He had insisted that the squeaky chew toys, the secret feeding scraps under the table and the shameless belly rubs were all necessary to understand the hellacious beast …..nobody was convinced.

SpNSpNSpN

Missouri led Caleb upstairs, a protesting but exhausted Dean in his arms, insisting that he needed to sleep.

Dean didn't want to sleep; if he slept he would dream, or even worse…he might remember. But nobody ever won an argument with the feisty psychic and he was just too damned tired to try.

Missouri sat and watched as Dean fought a battle with sleep that she knew he would lose; not because she was psychic but because of the herbal sleeping draught she'd slipped into the hot chocolate he had just drunk. She wouldn't normally do such a thing without asking but Dean had always been a special case as far as medicine was concerned. Anything that would help him to do his job of protecting his brother better he would happily take but anything that might impair his judgement or reflexes had to be practically forced down his throat at gunpoint. And he really did need to sleep away the last effects of the rohypnol. The herbal concoction she had given him should also take him past the dream state level of sleep.

She stroked his long blonde hair gently. Strange how despite his obviously feminine looks she still saw their Dean lying there, innocent and childlike, just as he had been when he was little. He had been through so much and still had more to face. She knew from her own experience how devastating rape was irrespective of whether it was achieved by violent means or deception. Yes violence was horrific, it had been for her; but for Dean who was used to physical violence….

'_And what does that say about the life he has had'_ reminded her inner voice - a voice who seemed quite chatty lately. She wondered if….the thought vanished and left her feeling as though she had missed something. Not something vital, but something nonetheless.

Yes, she returned to her original thought. For Dean a violent attack would somehow have been preferable. It would have given him a chance to choose whether to fight back or not, whichever would give him the best chance of survival. As it was he would only ever remember that he had been dominated, which to Dean would mean failure. And if he had failed once who knew when he might fail again.

Missouri snorted softly although even an earthquake would have trouble waking him now. It was rubbish of course. Dean hadn't failed at anything though getting him to see that might be difficult. She had, however, taken heart at his show of stubborn resolve back in the kitchen over whether to tell Sam and she had no doubt that if he faltered Caleb would be there to see him through. '_Probably won't be able to pry him from the older Winchester's side with a crowbar' _she chuckled softly to herself, '_though we may have to keep him away from Sam for a while._'

Missouri tucked Dean in and kissed him on the temple - what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him - and quietly left his room, leaving the door slightly ajar so that he wouldn't feel trapped if he awoke confused or afraid. It was what her mother had done for her and she remembered the comfort that had brought.

As she came back down the stairs her thoughts turned to Sam and she sighed. Where had it all gone so very wrong? She knew that she was asking herself a rhetorical question because as of yet there was no answer; her psychic ability told her that. Sam was definitely not a lost cause but the longer it took him to see sense; to see past Ruby's machinations, then the more chance there was that they would lose Dean. Without that brotherly connection she feared that the outwardly cynical and battle hardened, yet in reality vulnerable and soft hearted older brother, would see no reason to be, no reason to exist at all. He was already struggling with the presence of a soul that had never been tested by the hardships of life and that he couldn't help but see as perfect. One that he felt reflected every one of his self perceived failures in his life. He held them up to harsh scrutiny in the mirror of Deborah's perfection. Every decision he had ever taken now accompanied by a retrospective 'would she have done it this way?….better?…..at all?' Yet never for a moment thinking that she may have done things worse, or even been a less than perfect daughter or sister.

It pained her to realise that most of those who knew Dean as he was growing up, even Sam, and even before the complications affecting the younger brother had been realised had never done anything to make him feel special or loved. Useful, yes; necessary, yes; but loved in his own right? Wanted for his own innate special qualities? No, not so much. Only Bobby and Caleb seemed to understand from the start that Dean was as special a boy…a man…and even a woman as John or Sam were…and it was about time that they started to make the stubborn fool himself believe it.

SpNSpNSpN

Sam had a bad feeling. Well, if he were being honest with himself he would admit that he had been feeling bad for some time; certainly before Dean's transformation. Hell, who was he trying to kid…..

'_Looked in a mirror lately?'_

Sam sighed. He hated that voice and it didn't help that it was almost always right.

'_Except when Ruby tells you different' _it responded to his thought.

'_That's because she cares for me. She's probably the only one who does.'_

'_And who does everybody else care about Sammy? Who else is receiving the attention that you so desperately crave…sorry, I meant to say deserve.'_

'_Dean__**.' **_Sam surprised himself at how petty and juvenile that had sounded in his own head. But it was true; Dean was the centre of everyone's world and he could date his bad feeling to the very moment that he had found out about his idiot brother's Crossroads deal. It wasn't as though he'd asked to be brought back or for Dean to make the ultimate sacrifice.

'_And would you not have done the same thing if positions were reversed?'_

'_Of course I would!_'

'_But would you choose to do what Dean did or would it simply not enter your head that the alternative, burning your brother's lifeless and cold body, was even an option at all.'_

'_Of course it wouldn't have been an option!_'

'_Then why would it be an option for Dean? And if it wasn't why do you hate him for what he did do?_'

'_I don't hate him.'_

'_Well it certainly seems to look that way._'

'_I don't hate him! I love him__**.'**_

The voice knew that it was getting nearer to the core now; to the point where Sam would see clearly. But it also knew that it had to be Sam's journey, and he had to reach the final destination by himself.

'_So if it's not him you hate what is it? What is turning your world inside out?'_

'_I…I don't know. I just don't see why everything has to revolve around him all of a sudden. I'm the one with the freaky powers I never asked for. I'm the one the Demon chose…why didn't it choose Dean, don't these things normally choose the first born? Why me? Why can't anyone see what I'm going through here. They can't see how all this deal business has affected ME dammit__**!'**_

Sam had a sudden sick feeling. If he didn't know better….if he'd heard those words, that tone, from anybody else he would say that it sounded a lot like jea…….

"Hey Sam, how are you sweetheart?"

"Ruby! God it's good to hear a friendly voice."

Ruby was surprised at Sam's heartfelt welcome but she wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Sam's little voice retreated back into the still and silent recesses of his mind. There would be other opportunities…but not too many, Sam was using up his chances fast. The voice prayed for Sam to have the strength to see the truth, and the danger….and added a prayer for itself to have the strength to endure the kid's whining. He really didn't understand humans.

SpNSpNSpn

Dinner that night was a tense affair. Dean was pushing his food around his plate but not actually eating anything. Missouri sighed; she really didn't have the heart to press him too hard given the circumstances.

Caleb frowned at Dean. He should really be back in bed resting but the damn fool just had to pretend that everything was alright…didn't want to upset Sam. Speak of the devil. The always intense but usually calm younger brother was looking decidedly grim and angry. Now what the hell did he have to be angry about? Was his damn fault that Dean had been left to the mercy of that monster. He should…..'_Ow'_ Caleb glared at Missouri as she stabbed her fork into his leg under the table. '_Damn psychics, might as well yell my thoughts out loud'_ but he took the hint. Getting angry at the jerk wouldn't do Dean any good.

Sam didn't speak to Dean all evening. He couldn't understand why he was reacting like he was but then again it was definitely Dean who was in the wrong. Not for having sex; he hadn't expected him to last out as long as he had on that score. No, he was angry because he had just left them hanging. He had disrespected Ruby, who despite her nature had been trying her very best to get on with his family and friends, and he had just left with some stranger without telling them…without telling him where he was going. Anything could have happened; why couldn't the moron remember that he wasn't like he was. That he wasn't strong any more; that he was vulnerable. When was he finally going to admit that he needed his younger brother to protect him? _No time soon by the look of it _he thought as Dean asked to be excused from the dinner table , admitting that he was tired and needed an early night. Sam had hoped that they would get a chance to talk through what had happened earlier but his brother was blanking him. Well two could play at that game.

"I'm going out. I'll be back late so don't wait up" he announced as he too left the table.

Caleb and Missouri exchanged worried glances as the two brothers went in separate directions. Missouri couldn't help but think that the strong Winchester brothers looked somehow diminished when they were apart and it had nothing to do with Deans new appearance.

"What are we going to do Caleb?" Missouri asked an equally worried looking hunter as they were finally alone.

Instead of answering her question directly Caleb asked one of his own.

" When will Bobby be here?"

"Tomorrow." Caleb nodded at her reply and she understood immediately. The only one with the parental authority to fix this was the older hunter. Dean adored him although nobody would dare say that to his face; and Sam respected the man in a way that he had never respected his own father. They just hoped that he would be able to do something to bring the boys together, and that he wouldn't go ballistic when he got the full story on what had happened to his surrogate son.

Well Missouri was hoping for a quiet controlled Bobby. Caleb was hoping that the other hunter knew how to find a way to inflict excruciating, and preferably eternal, pain on the piece of trash that dared call itself a man. Rapists! They gave even demons a bad name.

SpNSpNSpN

Bobby didn't quite know what to expect upon his arrival at Missouri's home. All he knew was that Dean needed him and something had happened but it wasn't supernatural in origin. Oh, and Caleb needed to know how to get a hellhound to tear someone's throat out.

It gave him cause for concern but since nobody was hospitalized it couldn't be that bad could it?

Bobby sat at the kitchen table as Missouri and Caleb watched him take in the information. Dean hadn't been able to bring himself to be there, to watch the reaction as the man he thought of as a second father realised how weak he had been.

Bobby breathed out harshly and swiped one hand across his eyes. Eyes that held a cold steely gleam as he locked gazes with an equally intense Caleb.

"You know that Dean can't let us kill the bastard?"

"Yeah. But there's a lot of room between letting the son of a bitch get away with it and actually killing him."

Bobby nodded at Caleb's reply and they both avoided looking at the psychic, not wanting to witness her disapproving expression. If they had looked, however, they would have been shocked at the satisfied little smile and equally determined look.

Missouri shook off the desire for retribution. It really wasn't the time or place and she sensed a very stressed Dean was waiting for Bobby to either console or condemn him. '_Damn you John Winchester' _she thought as she felt the young man's insecurity and fear.

"Bobby I think that Dean needs you more than revenge right now."

Dean jumped out of his chair, literally, as Bobby entered and he stood awaiting his judgement as Bobby said nothing but looked at him as though seeking something.

Bobby saw how skittish Dean was. That bastard had robbed him of that casual confidence - much more so than his transformation had. But would he want to be touched? Would giving his 'son' the hug he so desperately wanted to cause more pain than comfort? He suddenly realised that his lack of action or speech was causing the very pain that he wanted to avoid so with a mental crossing of his fingers he stepped forward and opened up his arms in invitation.

Dean Winchester did not do hugs, he did not do touchy feely chick flick moments; but then Dean Winchester didn't fall prey to rapists or cry on kitchen floors or let Caleb carry him up to bed, clinging like a vine.

There were a lot of things that Dean Winchester didn't do. But then he wasn't entirely Dean Winchester at the moment was he? And perhaps Deborah would do those things….should do those things.

After a few seconds hesitation Dean stepped into the circle of the older hunter's arms and felt the safe strong arms enfold him. He didn't cry this time but he held on tight as Bobby's words told him that he wasn't to blame…that the man he looked up to still respected him.

"Don't worry son, you're not alone. We'll get through this together…that's what families are for."

And then Dean did cry. He cried because he didn't have to do this alone. And he cried because the person who was the one he thought would always be there for him wasn't and he didn't know how to make it better. And as Bobby held him and stroked his hair in comfort Dean vowed that this would be the last time he cried. It was time to stop being a victim and start being a hunter. Just because the scum that had hurt him was human didn't mean that he wasn't evil and he was out there now putting other women in danger. He needed to be hunted down.

The time for self - pity was past. It was time to do what he did best. And there was the added bonus that it would take his mind off the small issue of dealing with the fact that the creep hadn't used a condom and since he'd planned on not having sex while female he wasn't on the pill. Oh yeah, hunting sounded pretty good about now.

TBC

No action in this chapter but I wanted to set the emotional scene for what comes next. A rapist is hunted down and the guys receive some disturbing information. And Dean has to deal with the consequences of the attack and the reactions of his family.


	10. Chapter 10

A Year and a Day Chapter 10

Sorry for the delay - this is the busiest time of the year for me both work-wise and education -wise (mature student - wouldn't want to pretend to be younger than I am - well I would but I'd never get away with it :D ) And it's been sunny here - It's Britain, what can I say, we have to make the most of it. But the chapter is finally here and some bloodthirsty reviewers won't be happy that I don't kill the rapist - but will maiming do? Lol.

Warning: Nothing much; a little violence and bad language.

Disclaimer: Still don't own & still broke.

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'God what a rush!' thought Dean as he followed Georgia through their mental link.

Dean felt the power of the young hellhound surge through him as they ran. He could smell the scent of their prey. A hunter all his life, he finally understood what it felt like to be a true hunter, a predator. Bobby had been right, he could control Georgia with his mind, or rather his feelings. It was all about scent…see…feel. And it was hard not to get carried away. To want to tear and rend; but the realisation that just a few months ago it could have…should have…been him being hunted and that he would have been the victim, torn apart by the sharp teeth and strong jaws tempered his enthusiasm to the point where Georgia was clear that this was a search and detain mission.

Bobby and Caleb followed Dean as he ran assuredly from street to street. It wasn't a panicked run; in fact it reminded Caleb of the movement of a cat; silent, sinuous and deadly. It seemed that Dean's fragile female form made little difference to his hunting style, just delivered it in a neater package.

Bobby caught up with Caleb, who was waiting while Dean stood staring into nothingness, obviously in communication with the hound; Dean's nose twitched and Caleb reasoned that either his little brother/sister/kitty cat had turned into Samantha from bewitched or he was sniffing out a scent. Caleb also thought that it was a good job they weren't relying on hearing because the gasping and wheezing coming from the ( much ) older hunter who had pulled up next to him was quite impressive. He gave Bobby, who was bent over, hands on knees trying to regain his breath, a sharp slap between the shoulder blades. He laughed at the glare he received - words not being an option without the benefit of oxygen.

As they waited for Dean to receive fresh instructions Bobby watched with fascination as his research sprang into life. It had taken very little practice for Dean to adjust his link with Georgia but he hadn't been sure, with the strong emotions involved, whether Dean would be able to influence her to do his will or whether the still shocked victim would get caught up in the bloodlust. He should have known that he needn't worry. Dean was used to putting his own feelings aside to get the job done and this in many ways was no different to any other hunt. Except that the evil they were hunting was the worst kind…human. And Sam wasn't where he should be, alongside his brother. He had to admit that he understood why Dean hadn't wanted his increasingly unstable sibling to know what had happened but he had argued that if Sam knew it might give him the incentive to shrug off his bad attitude and see how he was hurting his big brother. Given that the younger Winchester was every bit as stubborn as his father had been that , he admitted to himself, had been a little optimistic.

Dean had been aware of the other two hunters on the periphery of his mind and a part of him chuckled…looked like Bobby needed to train up and slim down. He would have to tell Missouri to cut back on the home cooking. But the majority of him was sharing the image of Georgia's gleeful corralling of her prey. He could sense the creep's fear and shared his hound's delight in it.

Turnabout could be a bitch and it was nice to be on the end that dished it out for a change.

The stray thought entered his head that the old Sammy wouldn't have approved of his sense of satisfaction but what hurt was the realisation that this new Sam would either have blamed him for being weak enough to get caught out by one of the oldest tricks in the rapist's handbook, or would have gone ballistic and killed the bastard without a second thought. At the moment Dean wasn't sure which way his brother would turn. Getting a sudden mental nudge from the pup they were soon back on track.

The two men and Dean approached the cowering figure cautiously. People who drug their victims before assaulting them tended to be cowards by nature but they weren't taking any chances. Dean suppressed a smile; if only the bastard in front of him, whose face still didn't ring a bell, had any idea what a sappy mutt the drooling, homicidal, hound was normally; how she loved lasagne and pizza and apple pie and playing with her tug rope and squeaky toys perhaps he wouldn't have tears of terror coursing down his face….or an entirely different kind of bodily fluid soaking his jeans. Dean was glad that Georgia was only snarling at him. One kind of 'accident' was bad enough - and his nose was exceptionally sensitive at the moment. With a mental tug Dean commanded Georgia to stand down, which, in all honesty, didn't make her look much less intimidating than she had done before..

"W…Who are you people. Get it off of me…please. Take anything you want, just…" The man's plea tailed off as he caught his first proper look at the small, pretty and somehow familiar girl sandwiched between the two homicidal looking men.

'Oh crap! I'm screwed.' was his first thought, which was quickly followed by a mental curse in that demon bitch Ruby's direction. He just wished he had the magic power to back it up. She'd said that this would be a breeze. Just a simple human that needed to be taught a lesson was what she'd promised. Well humans didn't run around with hel…

The force of his shoulders being slammed into the wall of the alley where he had taken refuge cut off his thoughts…and his circulation. A rather scruffy man in a baseball cap seemed to be demanding his attention .

"Recognize my daughter do ya!?" he spat "Ya repulsive little shit!"

Dean could have cried at the unexpected familial claim by the man he had always viewed as a second father, but all his energy was going into stopping Georgia from licking the creep to death - from the inside out. Through their link he could hear the man's rapid heartbeat and smell his fear; he could almost taste the anticipation of sinking jaws into yielding flesh. He gave himself a mental shake; he might have to seriously consider becoming a vegetarian if this kept up. But feeling through Georgia at least kept his own fear of the man he couldn't even remember at bay. The part of him that wanted to retreat into Caleb's protective hold not quite as strong as the one that wanted to be seen to be strong. Whatever this cretin's intentions had been he would learn that he had been dealing with someone who could fight back.

"Sh….she, it was just a date. I don't know what she told you but she was out for a good time. Nothing wrong in a good f…"

Despite his age Bobby was deceptively strong but Caleb was stronger and the older hunter yielded willingly to the younger who grabbed hold of the smaller and stockier man and slammed him into the long suffering brickwork with each point the made.

"If you were going to say…

Slam!

Nothing wrong…

Slam!

In drugging…

Slam!

And kidnapping…

Slam!

Then raping a…

Slam! Slam! Caleb added an extra push for emphasis

Pure…

The man was whimpering now and at Caleb's next word he paled to a ghostly hue

Virgin."

The man barely felt the next impact as the enormity of his actions sunk in. That he had deflowered these men's kin. Even death wasn't looking so bad now. How the hell could he wiggle out of this one. Perhaps if he pointed out that he hadn't hurt her.

The man picked himself up off the ground, spitting out blood and a tooth. No that hadn't been the way to go.

Dean had winced at the V-word and blushed with embarrassment.

'Oh God! Kill me now!' but he had to appreciate Caleb's style of protesting his 'sister's' defilement.

Dean looked down at the monster that he knew would haunt his dreams for months, possibly years to come. How could such a pathetic excuse for a man have done what no demon had yet been able to accomplish - make him feel like a victim? He felt Georgia's attentions turn to him and his distress; he forced the feelings back. He wasn't here to wallow in self-pity, though he knew that he was the only one to see it that way. He was here to make sure that no other girl would go through what he had been put through. This low-life bastard had robbed him of the opportunity to understand love from a perspective that almost no man ever would. Maybe he would have chosen to experience sex, maybe he wouldn't, but either way it would have been HIS choice - not some fucking human who saw women as sex toys there for his amusement.

Georgia began growling again at Dean's reflected anger. Bobby and Caleb looked to him to check if he was handling this okay, because God knew that they weren't.

Dean peered at the man who hadn't taken his eyes off Georgia - or rather, Georgia's teeth.

"You know that we can't let you hurt other women the way you hurt me don't you…never did catch your name. No!" Dean held up a hand to halt any reply. "It's bad enough that I have to remember your face without remembering your name too."

The battered and bleeding man didn't, at this point, think he stood much chance of surviving this meeting. The two men were obviously hunters and hunters weren't exactly known for their forgiving natures.

"I don't suppose you'd take my word that I won't do it again?" he saw the glint, identical in all three sets of eyes, that gave him his answer. With no chance of escape or opportunity to talk his way out of his dire situation, after all if he'd been a natural talker he'd have been able to chat up his dates instead of drugging them, he finally snapped. Brushing away a steady stream of blood that trickled from one of the younger hunter's blows he spoke harshly to the waiting trio.

"So what are you bastards waiting for then. You know you're planning on killing me so why don't you just get on with it. You've even got a damned hellhound to do the….."

He realised his mistake just a moment too late.

Dean's jaw dropped and he paled. Bobby and Caleb were just as shocked but their expressions were almost feral.

Before he knew what had hit him the man was on the ground with a tiny but undoubtedly deadly blond girl straddling his middle and pressing an extremely large knife to his throat.

"Who!?"

He could shrug her off easily, she weighed next to nothing at all; but whether he could do so before she slit his throat he wasn't so sure, she knew how to hold the weapon. And even if he bucked her off the two men with guns pointed at his face and the hound that was close enough for him to smell it's breath, which was oddly apple scented, ensured that he wouldn't get far.

"Answer the lady" commanded the older hunter.

"I…I was just doing a favour….she, she said that there was a grudge. A family thing, honest, that's all I know. I owed her. You have to understand, she's not the sort you want to cross."

"Who?" The girl's voice was quieter now, sad, as though she already knew the answer.

"Ruby. She's a d…."

"We know what she is." The younger hunter's expression left no doubt that they did, indeed, know Ruby.

Dean pulled away from the man slowly and indicated that he get to his feet. He obeyed cautiously. The news seemed to have quietened the bloodlust but he knew that he wasn't out of the woods yet. He could just hope that their hatred was now redirected enough to let him live.

"What do you want to do now Dee?" asked a worried Bobby, using Dean's 'public' name. He was sure that Sam hadn't had anything to do with this abomination and he knew that both Dean and Caleb knew it too. But that just meant that Sam was in a more dangerous relationship than they had thought…and Dean was in a whole other sort of danger.

"I don't know" admitted a tired and confused Dean. It had only been a couple of days since the rape and what with facing his nightmare attacker and controlling Georgia he just couldn't think straight.

"I need time to think…and sleep" she admitted.

Both hunters nodded, it was pretty much what they were going to suggest themselves. They did, however, have one loose end to tie up, and that, too, was down to Dean. Nobody else had the right to make this decision for him.

"And what about this piece of scum?" Caleb indicated the shaking figure…who'd have thought the man had that much fluid in his bladder.

Dean turned to the man who had raped him. With one word he could end his miserable existence, protect future victims and give himself peace of mind that he'd never have to see the rodent like eyes again. But that would be murder…and even Dean Winchester's own soul hadn't ever shouldered that burden. Besides, he might come in useful some day; he obviously had a connection with Ruby. Yet he couldn't just let him go free.

There was only one choice left. Turning to go he gave his hound her instructions, both verbally and, more graphically, mentally.

"Mark him." With that he directed his puzzled companions to move out of the alley. Just because he'd ordered it he didn't have to watch it. He had been very specific as to where the mark should be placed.

The rapist watched the men leave. He would yell for them to come back but his throat had frozen up. Surely a mark wouldn't be so bad, right? It wasn't as though the girl had ordered it to kill.

Georgia lunged.

The man screamed.

He screamed a long time after Georgia had loped back to her master, tail once again wagging with doggy glee.

"Um…just where did she mark him? And why a mark anyway. I would have torn his throat out."

Bobby answered Caleb's question for a rather green looking Dean who had still been linked with Georgia when she had done his bidding.

"A hellhound's mark is like a permanent tagging device. We can track him anywhere in the world by Georgia keying into his mark. As to where she marked him…" Bobby gave a shrug but gulped, along with Caleb as dean replied with a tired, yet grimly satisfied smile.

"Couldn't let him hurt any other women. Think he got the message."

"You…..you?" Caleb indicated a cutting motion which made Dean chuckle despite the situation.

"No, but he's gonna look like an anatomically correct male rag doll with all stitches he'll need."

"Let's go home kids." Justice had been done and Bobby just wanted to get his boys home.

SpNSpNSpN

Sam knew that something was up. Something that he obviously wasn't being made privy to. There had been hushed conversations, suddenly broken off whenever he entered the room, since their stupendous failure of a night out. Then the guys had disappeared for most of the day, leaving him at the mercy of Missouri's passion for finding him chores to do. She knew too, whatever it was. Now three weeks later things seemed to have settled down but Caleb was still here and Bobby called every day.

He had spoken to Ruby about it but she'd told him that he was, maybe getting a little bit paranoid, not that she blamed him. She'd reckoned that they just didn't trust him not to turn to her and tell stuff they didn't want her to know, no matter how trivial.

He had to admit that it made sense. For a moment he'd actually gotten the impression that Ruby knew what was going on too but she wouldn't keep secrets from him. And it would be just like Caleb not to trust him; if he were in his right mind Dean would know that he would never betray his family, not even to Ruby, who he trusted implicitly. But since his transformation Dean hadn't been entirely in his right mind; hell he wasn't entirely in his own mind! It was Caleb's influence that stopped his brother from seeing clearly.

'_Pot and kettle Samuel_?' Dammit couldn't he have a simple thought in his head without interference!

SpNSpNSpN

Dean sat on the closed toilet seat and stared at the little white stick. Somehow it didn't come as much of a surprise. Not that he had become psychic or was in tune with his female body. No it was a lot simpler than that.

He was Dean Winchester.

It was a simple equation. Dean Winchester plus life = shit happening.

Just as part of him had feared and dreaded yet expected this moment, another part of him had already made his decision. Missouri had even tried to give him morning after advice. Telling him that he should get checked out for diseases, which he had, a week later. And that he could take a morning after pill 'just in case'. He had appreciated her calm and matter of fact approach but he'd put her off by telling her that he would sort everything out. She had sensed his embarrassment and had assured him that if he'd rather talk to someone nearer his own age she would understand. It had been the perfect 'out' He had mumbled something about Jo and dashed off to his room.

He knew that the reaction would be that he was crazy…well maybe Pastor Jim would understand. And with only a few months, definitely not nine, to go it might all be resolved for him when he changed back. And if not…well he would waddle across that bridge when he came to it. If nothing else he could make a fortune as poster boy for The National Enquirer.

He just hoped that they would understand that it wasn't his choice to make; wasn't his body playing host to this life. And no, he wouldn't have chosen to be pregnant, certainly as a result of rape; and he understood why some women would not be able to cope with the evidence of their ordeal inside them. But he had no idea what Deborah would choose to do so he was going to do the only thing he could…same thing he had always done…protect his family. Protect the choice his 'sister' was unable to make for herself and protect the child within him, just like he had always protected Sammy. If a demon's blood hadn't stopped him protecting and loving his little brother then a pathetic human who couldn't get laid without chemical help wasn't going to be enough to get him to get rid of the baby inside him. And for the rest; he would leave it up to fate. He could cope with this….couldn't he?

God he was scared.

A sudden banging on the bathroom door and an exasperated call to hurry up from Sam put an end to his inner dialogue. It had never been his strong suit.

He left the bathroom, evidence of his test clutched in his hand, hidden from his brother's view, not that his sibling noticed as he barged past.

Dean had some calls to make. He only wanted to have to say this once, And he wanted as many people as possible between himself and Sam when he did it.

He wondered if his queasiness was a result of nerves or the beginning of morning sickness.

Great, just peachy. He would ask himself if his life could get any worse but he wasn't that dumb.

TBC

A/N Once again apologies for the slow update, but real life insists that it is more important than fanfic! I know - scandalous. Next chapter - the reaction. Does Sam finally see the light? Ah, no probably not. lol


	11. Chapter 11

A Year and A Day chapter 11

Disclaimer - looked everywhere but still can't find the receipt so I guess I still don't own them.

A/N Sorry for the delay but at this time of year my RL get's all busy and dictates my writing time - cheek of it!

A/N 2 Sam is probably at his worst in this chapter but it's a turning point for him, albeit a slow turn. And there's a bit of bad language near the end…nothing too horrendous but necessary to the scene I think.

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Dean had left them all to talk among themselves while he walked Georgia. He figured that if he was there he would be in labour before he managed to get a word in edge-wise. He had, of course, told them as little as possible, and right about now he was pretty certain that they would be deep in discussion over what he had meant by 'new developments' But he couldn't put it off forever and there were only so many cats in the neighbourhood for Georgia to try and chase.

As he walked back to the house he wondered how they would respond to his news. Only Missouri, Bobby and Caleb knew the details of his sexual experience so it was by no means certain that he would get support from the others who would probably assume, like Sam had, that the act was consensual and therefore the pregnancy was due to his own drunken stupidity. And even those closest to him might not appreciate the decisions he had reached. He shrugged off the thought; it wasn't fair to pre-judge them when he was hoping not to be judged in turn.

Of course how they would take the news was out of his control, but how to deliver the news was, unfortunately, completely down to him. Just how in hell did you tell your family that you were pregnant, but probably not for long unless fate was the bitch that he had always thought her to be.

'Hey guys, guess what - all my girl parts are in full working order, I know because I took them for a test drive, problem is now I've got a passenger on board….no, probably not; they already look at me funny for the way I treat the Impala without using car analogies to talk about sex.'

'Or how about…Hey guys, Sam took me for a night out but some guy ended up having a night in….definitely not…ladies present' He snorted at the idea of Jo as a lady - please she knew more dirty jokes than he did.

'Hey guys, and ladies, I tried my best but I screwed up and got screwed big time. No doubt they'd believe that, after all it's what Dean Winchester does best' Dean thought morosely earning himself a reproving huff from the pup.

As his possible explanations deteriorated to the level of self abuse, littered with admissions of being a slut and a whore, just as Sam had accused, both in words and in scathing looks, Dean decided to do what he usually did and go with the flow. Wasn't as though he could turn back the clock or run away….not with Ruby on the scene, just waiting for him to be out of the picture so she could get her claws into his brother. Asshole or not Sam was still his brother and it was still his job to protect him, whether from demonic bitches or his own ego. Dean chuckled; shouldn't be surprised that the idiot had an ego the size of Texas, it was just in proportion to the rest of him. And the knowledge that, although it was pretty well hidden at the moment, he also had a heart the size of a small country would see him through what he suspected would be a very unpleasant confrontation.

"C'mon Georgia girl, let's go face the music…and remember what we discussed; no eating or mauling of family members, okay?"

Georgia whined but then gave an acknowledging yip. Humans were no fun at all.

SpNSpNSpN

Just as they had done nearly eight months ago Bobby, Missouri, Ellen, Jo, Caleb, and Jim mingled while they waited, only this time they were at Missouri's home instead of Bobby's and Sam was with them. It had surprised several of them that Sam seemed to know as little as the rest of them about why Dean had summoned them. They knew that there had been friction between the brothers but those who had only had minimal contact since the deal was broken hadn't realised that things had gotten so bad.

Missouri and Bobby exchanged worried glances. There had been no new developments with things that either of them had seen and…both turned towards the door as it opened and Dean and Georgia entered. Dean making sure that he didn't catch anyone's eye as he let the hound off the leash for her to investigate the visitors. Soon bored that there was no-one she was allowed to tear to pieces she wandered off and Dean ran out of excuses to avoid his 'family talk'.

"About time."

Dean ignored Sam's rebuke but didn't ignore his next comment.

"And I don't see why Ruby couldn't come to this meeting; if it's about business then she deserves to know."

"It's family business Sam and whether you like it or not she will never be family…not now, not ever." Dean's tone was hard and uncompromising and whilst the higher pitched female voice didn't pack the same level of menace that Dean's own could, the intent was unmistakeable.

"Yeah Dean? Well don't forget that just because she isn't part of your family doesn't mean that I can't start my own family, a family of two!"

There were several gasps around the room and Dean felt something in his heart break at the threat but he couldn't give in to his fear of abandonment, not now. So he resorted to his standby response when faced with something that he couldn't deal with. He ignored it.

Sam scowled as Dean didn't reply to his challenge but before he could make another observation Dean was taking centre stage.

Dean faced the semi circle of his closest friends and family, some seated and some standing and swallowed his fear, his pride and, he suspected, his tongue, from the way it suddenly felt reluctant to form the words he needed to say.

"Um…."

"Good start."

"Shut up Sam! Those pearly whites don't have to be a permanent fixture y'know" Caleb growled at Sam's interruption.

"Guys!" Both men quietened at Bobby's plea and Dean nodded his gratitude. This was going to go FUBAR, he could tell.

"See, the thing is" he tried again, "boys and girls are raised differently as a rule. Y'know, boys have toy trucks while girls have dolls. Boys are taught to pee standing up and girls are taught that….well I don't know what girls were taught and that's kinda the problem."

Seeing the general bafflement he decided that the slow, down home style wasn't working. Hell he'd never been the one for diplomacy.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm a girl but I never learned those things every girl knows; all those things that girls should and shouldn't do. But in my mind I'm still a guy, which means I don't possess any common sense."

The laughter, and nods of agreement from the women, died as the next statement sunk in.

"And not having any sense I sort of got myself kinda pregnant."

Dean watched as his news sunk in.

Bobby, Missouri and Caleb's faces reflected both their shock and, with their extra knowledge, their sorrow.

Ellen and Jo held twin expressions of shock but no immediate display of anger.

Pastor Jim, as befitted his calling, positively oozed support and understanding and had moved a little closer to the isolated, in more ways than one, hunter; knowing that the touch shy Winchester would understand the gesture as an offer of comfort.

Finally Dean's eyes settled on his brother.

So many emotions on that tight lipped face; the anger seeming to just about hold sway over it's fellow expressions of disgust, disappointment and hurt.

Dean turned away from the condemnation in his brother's eyes. He knew that an admission of his rape ordeal would wipe it away, at least he hoped it would; but then he would have to face the guilty look as Sam blamed himself for not being there in the club to protect him. As always Dean chose the hatred directed at him rather than the hatred that Sam would otherwise direct at himself.

After the silence of shock came the questions - all at the same time.

"How" seemed to be the most popular query and a quirked eyebrow was the only answer he would give.

"You know what we mean Dean Winchester!" Ellen's voice was sympathetic but he could tell that she wouldn't be put off.

Others nodded their agreement with her statement while Missouri and Bobby moved closer, one either side of him, in a show of support. He wondered if they would still be so unconditional in that support when he dropped the other bombshell.

Caleb also stood nearby but his eyes were on Sam, who hadn't moved or said anything further yet. But both he and Dean knew it was coming. He could feel the air in the room starting to become dense and charged, like just before a storm.

Sam couldn't speak; he couldn't process what his brother had just confessed. Instead Jo was the next to speak her piece, getting straight to what most considered to be the point.

"Dean! Just how dumb a blond are you, you moron? How could you be stupid enough to have unprotected sex? Even as a guy you wouldn't do something so irresponsible!"

With what she thought she knew Dean could understand the accusation in her tone but it hurt nonetheless.

"Dean honey?" Missouri's voice held no anger, just puzzlement. She remembered the conversation she had tried to have with the young hunter after the rape. "Why didn't you take the morning after pill I spoke to you about, or ask Jo's advice like you told me you were going to?"

Several glances of surprise were sent Missouri's way as she revealed the depth of her knowledge over Dean's love life but Jo once again dove in before anyone could express their interest.

"Hell yeah!" said Jo emphatically. "I'd have had that pill down your throat faster than the advil you took for the hangover you must have had. Because you must certainly have been drunk out of your mind to have been so stupid in the first place."

"He was."

Dean winced at the hardness, uncompromising and bitter, in his brother's voice.

"I didn't…." Whatever Dean was going to say was lost as Sam exercised his new found voice.

"None of this matters anyway" he declared with finality, moving to stand over his brother, using his extra height to it's full intimidating advantage.

Whether done on purpose or not it raised Caleb's hackles to see Dean flinch away from his own flesh and blood, the man he was prepared to go to hell for. Jim gave him a strange look and he realised he had probably done the growling thing again. The look he gave back said that he was prepared to do a damn sight more than that, and pretty soon too, he thought, as Sam's next words registered on his brain.

"He'll be getting an abortion as soon as possible."

Not for the first time that day Dean watched reactions and felt like a viewer in his own private version of The Truman Show.

Ellen and Jo looked relieved. That was a blow. He had been hoping for some female backup, other than Missouri, who had already done enough for him; and besides, her knowledge would probably lead her to think abortion as being the best thing for him in the circumstances.

Dean absently noted that, like their father, Sam had that innate ability to give his personal opinions all the power of an outright command. Dad says jump, we all jump, even if we're standing on the cliff edge. Sam says abort so they nod their heads like well trained troops. He, himself, had been no different when faced with their Father's authority; but Sam wasn't Dad and he wasn't the law…and as Dean looked into Caleb's eyes, filled with disappointment and fire and realised that the emotions were not aimed at him but at Sam Dean also realised that, for one person in the room at least, whatever Dean's reply the support he had been hoping for would be there - and it would be unconditional.

Dean took a deep breath and stepped off of the proverbial cliff with the irrational thought that if asked at this moment if he were a man or a mouse he wouldn't hesitate in admitting himself to being a lemming.

"I….I'm keeping the baby. No abortion."

SpNSpNSpN

The reaction was almost universal; only the reasons behind the dismay and disbelief varied.

Both Bobby and Missouri's hearts broke at the determination and hopelessness in Dean's voice and his stance…so small and vulnerable despite his larger than life personality. They knew as well as he did that the chances of carrying a baby to term were almost nil and they didn't want him to suffer the pain and joy of the next few months of pregnancy only to have it end in an inevitable miscarriage, albeit a magical one. Plus, there was the torment of carrying the child of a rapist to deal with. It could tear the young hunter apart.

Neither Jo nor Ellen thought that they could be any more shocked than they already had been. There was no way that he could be thinking straight and they had to help him see that abortion was the only way.

Jim could have cried. Just how much was this small family destined to suffer? Yet he also understood, believing, as he did, in the sanctity of human life. Yet never at the expense of the 'mother' Dean needed to understand that God would not judge him harshly, or the soul he occupied, for putting his own life before that of a being that in a normal situation would never have existed.

Caleb said nothing. He watched and waited; a little disappointed in the calls for Dean to see sense yet recognizing that they only did it out of caring. He did wonder, however, just how little they seemed to actually know the man who stood before them, girl's body notwithstanding. Did they actually think for one minute that the man who put family, and the lives of others, before everything would have come to any other decision? Yet for all the cajoling and advising that was going on around him Caleb knew that there was only one opinion that mattered and he was getting a really bad feeling about what that opinion would be.

Sam had backed away from his brother after his ultimatum but he now moved back into his personal space. Enough was enough! Dragging the idiot's ass out of hell itself would have caused less grief!

"You selfish bastard! What the fuck gives you the right to decide to play the martyr?….again!"

Dean would have preferred it if Sam were shouting at him but the quiet, venomous, words, clearly heard in the now silent room were sharper and louder to his heart than any number of decibels. Very much on the defensive he replied,

"It's my body…that gives me the right…"

"It gives you fuck all rights!" Sam snapped, ignoring Missouri's disapproving glance at both his use of language and his reasoning. He was appalled at the words coming from his mouth too but he couldn't stop them, months of frustration and feelings of inadequacy finding their outlet at last. "It isn't your body, remember? You sold your body when you traded your soul, and probably not for the first time given the number of times you've come back to a motel with money in towns with no pool halls. That body you're in, the one you've already dirtied by being the slut that you always were, belongs to me. YOU belong to ME! And you will damn well do as you are told! I didn't go through all this only for you to throw it all away on a drunken fuck and it's result."

Dean stood and stared up at a man he didn't know. A man he wasn't sure he wanted to know. The tears ran freely down his fine boned cheeks though he didn't, couldn't, make a sound. He hadn't thought that anything could be worse than that day Sam had walked away to go to college…but at least then there had been pride mixed with the sorrow and pain. Pride too when Sam had been strong for him after their Dad had died. But this? There was no pride in this kind of strength…this travesty of brotherhood. As much as he had pushed his 'big brother' status he had never tried to rob Sam of his individuality, his very right to be himself.

The occupants of the room waited with baited breath; aware that whatever their own reactions to the sickening diatribe it was Dean's call. The only sounds in the room were the scrabbling of claws on the closed kitchen door where Bobby had shut Georgia away from making mincemeat out of Sam, and the grinding of teeth from Caleb's direction. Bobby couldn't look into those eyes for long without shivering.

Sam was so close to his brother that he could see where his vitriolic words had flung spittle into the pale and shocked face. As if his words had lanced an infected wound his fevered brain registered what he had said and his thought of 'Oh God! What have I done?!' came at the exact same moment as his body exploded in a technicolor riot of pain and he fell to the floor in a curled ball.

Dean couldn't raise an argument against his brother's comments. Truth be told he didn't even want to. He was done playing Mary, fucking, Poppins! So, with all the power at his somewhat diminished disposal he slammed his knee straight up between his brother's long legs to the place that no man would dare to attack another and watched as a flash of something too fleeting to be placed crossed the normally gentle face before pain twisted the features out of all recognition. Making sure that he stepped forcefully on the writhing torso Dean walked out the door.

He may be a girl but he was still the bad-ass member of the Winchester family. He just prayed as he dashed across the car yard that he still had a family to be the bad-ass of.

TBC

A/N Hopefully Sam has begun to see the light - well he's seeing some kind of lights, that's for sure. LOL Wonder how Ruby will deal with this new development!


	12. Chapter 12

A Year And A Day - chapter 12

Disclaimer: I own a cat and her eyes have a hint of yellow in the green so she could be a demon, but that's as close as I get to owning anything Supernatural I'm afraid.

A/N Big apology to anyone who reviewed the last chapter and didn't get a reply. I saved them to answer later but to the wrong place and then wiped them. technology 1 - author 0 But I did read them and thank you all. Also I made a bit of an error in the last chapter when I had Dean run across the yard - I wrote car yard because it comes so automatically when a fic features Bobby - I meant to write back yard because, of course, they are at Missouri's house. So sorry for that.

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Sam staggered to his feet though straightening up completely was beyond him at the moment. He knew that he had gone too far. Hell, he'd gone to a different planet. He needed to think, needed to find Dean, to apologise. Oh God! How did you apologise for calling your own brother a slut and a whore. Throwing those occasions when there would suddenly be enough money for food and rent when Dad was away too long in his face like that. He needed to…..

It was like being swept up by a tsunami. His hunched form slammed into the wall and a sudden constriction round his throat cut off any protests. He had looked into the yellow or black eyes of demons and the eyes of an angry father but the sheer fire and unbridled rage in Caleb's eyes beat them all hands down. His own hazel fear filled orbs flickered around the room, looking for support and finding what his little voice didn't need to tell him; that he didn't have any. He didn't deserve any. He could see that both Bobby and Jim were poised to pull the other hunter off him but he didn't doubt that they would be doing it to protect Caleb from himself rather than him from Caleb.

Withdrawing the pressure slightly Caleb leaned in close to the youngest Winchester and in a growling voice that wouldn't have seemed out of place coming from a werewolf he made his point clear.

" You don't deserve him and the only reason I'm not tearing you a new one is because it would cause him more pain than it would cause me pleasure. But you've used up all your lives Sammy boy. One more time and I will personally give you your own sex change….the hard way."

Caleb renewed the pressure on Sam's throat.

"Do we understand each other? Or would you like me to invite Georgia to explain it to you?"

Sam went even paler than Caleb thought possible. God, he loved the effect that mutt had on people!

Unable to reply verbally with his voice box feeling like it was being pushed out the back of his neck Sam managed a quick but fervent nod. Caleb smiled at Sam's obvious contrition and Sam was reminded of a wolf again…just before it went for the jugular. Sam needn't have worried because his jugular was quite safe, unlike his solar plexus which received a short but powerful jab to be followed almost immediately by a fairly solid right hook to his normally stubborn chin. Sam found himself back on the floor. It didn't surprise him when a silent procession of his friends passed by him, not willing to meet his eyes. Only Jo made a move towards him, concern vying with disgust writ large on her face but Ellen gently nudged her away into the kitchen with the others.

In truth nothing Caleb could do to him would equal the misery and anger he directed at himself for his words and actions. It was as if his thoughts had become a poison to his own brain and the words had purged them from his system leaving him seeing things clearer than he had for some time. But the damage had been done. It was hardly Dean's fault that he was a girl, and Sam acknowledged to himself that Dean hadn't even given him much grief over his plan, although he had quickly stopped discussing it altogether as though scared of letting something slip. But that was a crazy thought because Dean couldn't know anything that Sam himself wasn't already aware of. He'd researched the spell after all and Dean was hardly the brightest bulb….Dammit he was doing it again. Since when was he such an asshole. He had to find Dean and apologise. Struggling once more to his feet it finally hit him, and with more power than Caleb's fist.

His brother was pregnant!

Really truly pregnant!

With a baby!!

Sam smiled a little smile, one with genuine warmth and as far from the cynical sneers of the past few months as it was possible to get.

Only Dean!

SpNSpNSpN

Dean had run on auto pilot to the same type of spot he used to go as a child and even as a teenager when Dad and Sammy or Dad and Bobby were arguing and there was nothing he could do to stop it…and there never was. Sam would get angry at him for siding with Dad and Dad would order him to talk sense to his brother whether Dean thought his brother was in the right or not. It never made any difference. And Bobby…well Bobby would usually be arguing with Dad over how he should settle and let his kids lead normal lives or how his eldest was too thin or bore too much responsibility for his little brother. Sometimes Dean hadn't run far from those rows. It was a strange feeling to hear someone sticking up for him, putting his feelings first. Trouble was that Dad would always have them packed up and gone by the next day. Demons John could fight but his own personal emotional demons were the ones he ran from.

'Like you're doing now' he told himself with a bitter laugh that turned into a sob as he reached the sanctuary of the old gnarled oak tree that stood sentinel on the edge of the field that backed onto Missouri's property. If he'd been at Bobby's it would have been the even bigger oak that sat in the centre of the car yard. While the vehicles would come and go the tree would remain, silent and unchanging. Non-judgemental and reassuring. At Pastor Jim's house it was a weeping willow that gave him comfort. Whatever else in his life changed and whoever else left him, and they all did in the end, the trees remained true.

Dean curled up under the whispering leaves just as he used to when he was as small as he was now and let the despair take him. A little voice in his head wondered whether he should go to one of the others, to where he could be held by human hands and comforted but he didn't even entertain the idea. Dean Winchester had always cried alone. He had done it so many times without the luxury of having a choice that it had become his only possible choice.

Dean Winchester was strong and strong men didn't cry, especially in front of those whose respect he sought. But Dean Winchester acknowledged that he seemed to have done little else lately but cry. In front of Missouri and Caleb, and Bobby. It shouldn't matter that he cried in front of them again but it did; it mattered very much. Because after Sam's revelation about what a failure and a waste of space he was he really didn't think he could ever face them again.

He wished that Sam had never saved him from the deal because hell couldn't be worse than losing the respect of his friends and the love of his brother.

Ruby watched from the other side of the field; Missouri's protection wards were completely secure but it didn't really matter because she could see the anguish on little miss Deborah/Dean's face from where she was. It made her toes curl with delight to see the seeds she had sowed coming into bud. Only Sam could cause that level of despair in his normally cool as ice brother and he had obviously done a very good job. She turned to go as Dean curled up under the tree like some lost little fey child, the sound of his sobbing reaching her ears, a discordant melody that filled her with dark joy. It was all she needed to hear. The elder Winchester was destroyed; nobody had come to offer him succour. He was completely alone and was no longer in a position to stand between her and his brother. Sam would soon look only to her for guidance and she would control his power.

Ruby turned away with a cold smile and a sense of accomplishment. If she had stayed a little longer she might have seen the tall figure with floppy hair and a rather stilted walk who approached the field cautiously. It was a sight that would have ruined her day…but she missed it and the result of her error would later come back to bite her.

SpNSpNSpN

"D…Dean?" It had taken Sam longer to recover from his brother's well aimed kick than he would have liked and he had been long gone by the time Sam made it outside. The earlier fine weather had given way to a stiff breeze and the threat of a storm to come; raindrops were already falling in fits and starts and the sky was darkening. Despite having seen no signs of the direction his brother had taken he knew where to look. Dean was, for some things at least, a creature of habit. His coffee always had to be black, his bed nearest the door as a first line of defence and his hunting knife under his pillow. And when he was scared or upset he would always head for a tree. For years it had made no sense to Sam until he realised that when he was upset he went to Dean and when Dad had been upset he would head for Pastor Jim's place, or the nearest bar; but who did Dean have? He couldn't go to Bobby, at least not in the early years because it would have been disobeying Dad who had cut ties with the other hunter and that would have just made things worse and there was nobody else who was totally on his side…but there was always a tree to hide under and confess your fears to. Yes Sam understood at last though only because he was now the one who had no-one to turn to; but unlike his brother's unasked for lonely existence he had created his own situation and he wasn't sure that he deserved to have anyone offer him words of comfort. He wasn't even sure that Dean would talk to him again.

Dean looked up from under impossibly long and wet eyelashes to face the next round of 'beat the Dean' He was surprised, therefore, to see tears in his brother's eyes and hear fear and uncertainty in his voice. A little spark of hope ignited in his chest, although it could have been indigestion; he had heard that pregnancy played havoc with your insides.

Sam was a talker. It would have made him a perfect lawyer and it made him an ideal 'girlie chick flick let's bond over a mocha frappacappa whatever' person, so to see him lost for words was almost scary.

"Sam."

No way was he going to make this easy thought Sam as the hurt his brother was feeling bled into the one word answer.

'_And why should he?_' Sam found that he was almost glad to hear the return of his little voice. He may choose to ignore it more often than not but he had begun to realise that it talked quite a bit of sense.

'No reason at all' Sam answered silently and although he knew it was just his imagination he could swear that the voice gave a satisfied little sigh. He pushed aside the implications of a conscience with it's own set of emotions and concentrated on the most important thing, which would be the most important person in his life….he felt like he deserved a visit from Georgia just for forgetting that one fact for so long.

Sam knelt down on the now wet grass as the rain picked up it's pace, ignoring the protest of his tender bits and pieces.

"I'm sorry Dean. God I….I just don't know where my head's been at lately; or my heart. It wasn't until I heard my own thoughts come out of my mouth that I realised what a jerk I've been" Sam winced as he saw a longing to believe vying with having been hurt one time too many on Dean's face.

"Why Sam?"

Sam knew what his brother was asking and he didn't know what answer to give because he didn't have a clue why he'd been acting like a spoiled and vicious bully these past months.

"I don't know" he admitted. "I just…I think I was angry about you making the deal" he gestured for Dean to wait for him to finish talking, knowing that he didn't want to take the same route they always did when this subject came up. "Not saying that it was right, just that it's the way I felt. Then when I found a solution I let it go to my head and I…I suppose I was a little jealous"

"Jealous! What the hell Sammy! What did you have to be jealous about? What you did was awesome, even if it has had unforeseen side effects."

Sam didn't know which he prized more, his brother's pride in him or the fact that he had stopped crying and was calling him Sammy again, without it sounding full of pain and loss.

"I guess I was having a late burst of sibling rivalry. I just wanted to take care of you like you had me and instead of a meek little sister I get a four foot tall firecracker with a nice line in crossbow action." Sam had thrown the light hearted touch in hoping that it wouldn't be taken the wrong way. Dean always seemed to respond to emotional discussions better if they were disguised with humour, sort of like taking a nasty tasting pill with a spoonful of honey.

Dean felt a wave of relief course through him at Sam's joking tone. It had been so long since they had been this way. He knew he couldn't just forgive and forget because the words had cut too deep to be fixed with a band-aid but it was an obvious olive branch and he did believe that Sam had no idea why he had been acting so badly; he also believed that now was not the time to voice his suspicion that Ruby had been poisoning his mind with her whispered sweet yet sour rhetoric. Accepting the peace offering his face formed an obviously fake scowl.

"Hey, I may not be the love child of an Amazonian and a Sasquatch but I'm well over five feet tall."

Sam snorted "Well over? Try five foot one."

"Yeah well, it's not the package that counts it's what's inside it." The fake scowl turned into a classic Dean pout that oddly enough actually looked more feminine on male Dean than it did female Dean.

"In that case bro' you must be at least seven feet tall."

Dean felt the tears threaten to return at the totally genuine and heartfelt compliment. No, he couldn't forget easily but he suspected that he might have started to forgive.

"Of course" added Sam with a twinkle in his eye as he saw how emotionally Dean had reacted and knowing that he needed to save his brother from another 'moment' "that could be down to the Jimmy Choo high heels that you're wearing."

Dean looked down at his now soggy trainers and back up at his hesitantly smiling little brother.

"Bitch"

"Jerk"

It was a start.

SpNSpNSpN

"Get your fool asses in here this minute." Missouri could feel the change in the emotional atmosphere as the two brothers stood on her front porch in the pouring rain. It warmed her heart but she wouldn't be letting Sam off the hook too easily. She knew that Dean wouldn't be able to stay angry with his brother for long, he never had before, but she also knew that while Ruby was around Sam was still in danger of reverting back to his bullying ways…and she would not tolerate that. Especially not with Dean in his current condition.

Missouri had had time to think while the boys were talking outside and she had mostly been thinking how she had no right to try and dictate to Dean what to do about the baby. She knew that she wouldn't have appreciated anybody doing the same to her. Dean would be well aware of the risks in a pregnancy such as this, though she would have to talk to him to make sure he realised what might happen on his change back. It was not impossible that the pregnancy would remain but that his male body would reject the foetus and cause internal damage. But she shouldn't have been surprised at his decision. Once he considered the baby as family, no matter how it was made, he would be prepared to give his life to protect it. They owed him their total support; a fact that only Caleb had seemed to grasp at the time. They would have to do better….but first things first.

"Come on you idiots, don't stand there all day dripping on my hall carpet."

"Hard not to drip when you're this wet" muttered Dean while Sam added that they were not on her carpet but her front stoop. They were both rewarded with a slap to the head and a glare that said 'wooden spoon'

Despite being frozen half to death Sam realised that he hadn't felt this warm in a long time and he pushed back the thought that Ruby wouldn't be happy…Ruby's happiness wasn't his main concern now, his brother and possible niece or nephew were. She would just have to get used to it.

Dean tried to stop it, he really did. He knew the consequences if he let it escape…the foul tasting concoction kept for just such occasions; the disgusting home made chest rub and the dreaded thermometer. But he couldn't help it.

"Atchooo."

Sam looked at him with alarm and a certain amount of pity.

Missouri Mosley developed a look in her eyes which, if they hadn't remained their normal warm brown, might be described as demonic. 'There was definitely a hint of sadism' Dean thought, just before she pointed at him and commanded.

"Bed"

'Please don't let this be a cold' Dean prayed. Nurse Missouri was scarier than that woman in the movie Misery and twice as ruthless. He heard a snicker from Sam's direction and then a quiet 'damn' as said brother gave an almighty sneeze and joined him in his world of suffering.

There was a certain justice in that thought Dean as Missouri herded them up the stairs, cough mixture in one hand and menthol rub in the other.

Missouri smiled as the boys trudged up the stairs as though they led to the gallows. A couple of days in bed, away from Ruby's machinations could be just what the doctor ordered. Nothing like shared misery to bring people together.

TBC

A/N hope you like - see I promised that Sam would see the light :D


	13. Chapter 13

A Year and a Day chapter 13

A/N This chapter deals almost exclusively with brotherly bonding and family discussions.

Missouri watched with fond exasperation as her two patients fought over the box of tissues, impregnated with a soothing balm no less, like nine year olds. Sam being the taller with the arm reach of an albatross should easily have won the battle but Dean fought like a true Winchester - down and dirty and as Sam automatically averted his gaze from the seemingly accidental flash of a nipple Dean snagged the box and promptly sneezed into a hastily grabbed handful of paper. Sam glared as Dean smirked and Missouri breathed a sigh of relief. She knew that this new start was a fragile thing but it was still good to see the boys she used to know. She frowned as realised that that wasn't quite true; she hadn't always seen Dean as she did now, but she wouldn't be making that mistake again. She would, however, make sure that Dean received a double dose of her home made cough elixir tonight….he wasn't the only one who could play a dirty game.

As if he could sense her presence on the other side of the partially open door Dean's head shot up and he winced as he realised that she had probably seen everything; then he blushed at the thought of exactly what she had seen. He had a feeling that he would be paying for that one later. But despite his cold, being stuck in bed at the tender mercy of Missouri and being pregnant he hadn't felt this good in a long time, probably since before the deal. He looked over to his brother who was trying to wipe his nose on a tissue that was already sodden and shredded. He grabbed a few more of the soothing sheets and then threw the box back over to his sniffling sibling. The result made him snigger. It was hardly his fault that his aim was a little off and he caught him right on his sore and tender nose; the aggravation triggering a series of sneezes all in a row.

"Derg!" Sam didn't appreciate Dean's missile but he would give money to see that look of happiness on his brother's face more often.

"Bidge" Dean replied and they both burst into unmanly giggles which ended in mutual coughing fits at the use of that language that only those with a seriously stuffed up nose can manage.

"Du wunna wadge a moubie?"

It took Dean a moment to figure out that Sam was asking him if he wanted to watch a movie. He nodded; it had been too long since they had done something so simple and normal…but knowing Sammy…

"Doh Chig figs."

Sam grinned; he didn't need to be able to understand that. Dean lived in constant fear of letting him choose the films they watched since his older brother had been laid up with a broken leg when they were kids and he had forced him to watch a Disney marathon. Bambi had almost killed him. Still he was sure that he owed him a lot more than an agreement to 'no chick flicks' after his recent behaviour so without bothering to reply he hunted through the channels until he found the beginning of a movie with enough violence, gore and explosions to keep his inner terminator happy.

Missouri left the boys to it, they would probably fall asleep soon…her herbal tea would see to it. They had both had a rough few weeks and Dean, especially, needed his rest. If he was determined to keep this baby and she was in no doubt about that, then he would need all the support he could get. She straightened her shoulders as she reached the bottom step. While her visitors would be delighted that Sam seemed to have come to his senses she hadn't failed to notice that only Caleb had given his unequivocal support over Dean's intentions. She just hoped that even if the rest didn't understand Dean's reasoning they would see that arguing, no matter how well intentioned those arguments were, would be seen as a betrayal of family. In Dean's world family supported family even if the rest of the world told them to take a running jump.

"How are they?" Missouri almost laughed at the look of concern on Caleb's face. Calm as you like when dealing with broken bones and Wendigo bites but a case of the sniffles and he's ready to call the paramedics!

"They are fine. It's just a little cold; give them a couple of days and they'll be as right as rain."

"Are you saying that we should wait to talk some sense into Dean because the sooner these things are dealt with the better for all concerned."

Missouri raised an eyebrow at Ellen's presumption but then conceded to herself that she hadn't exactly declared her undying support for the baby either.

"Dean has made his choice clear so I don't see what you've got to deal with…unless you're planning a baby shower. In which case you need to decide whether to hire a male or female stripper - cos Dean's a special case, at least for now"

As Ellen bristled with indignation at being told off by Caleb of all people Jo stole her chance to reply with a question of her own.

"Do they have strippers at baby showers? I thought that happened before you got married. Because I've got to say that the last thing I'd want to see when pregnant would be a reminder of the instrument that caused my swollen ankles and high blood pressure dangling there in full view."

"JO!" Ellen sometimes thought it was her daughter's mission in life to torment her.

Caleb winced internally at just exactly what Dean would not want to be reminded of but didn't let his unease show on his face. Instead he put on a patented Caleb leer for the girl hunter's benefit. "If the guy was doing his job right it wouldn't be dangling, it…"

"CALEB!" Ouch, thought Caleb though he gave an unrepentant grin, even imaginary wooden spoons can hurt.

"Sorry Missouri, ma'am." He replied with an attempt at Deans little boy look that failed dismally but made Missouri smile.

"Sorry Mom, but Caleb does have a point….No, not about the stripper's dangly bits" she clarified at the look of horror on her mother's face. "If it were a woman we would support her right to choose no matter what the risk. Why do we presume that Dean doesn't have a good reason for his decision?"

"I do think, Jo," Jim interjected, " that whatever reasons Dean might have and I suspect that I know some of them, he is in no fit state to make a hasty decision. He needs to be fully informed of the risks of what will happen if the pregnancy carries over into his return to his own body and the even greater risks of a body not designed for the purpose to try and carry a child to full term." Pastor Jim glossed over the reasons for the young hunter's decision, it was not his place to talk about Dean's view of the soul he inhabited or the extra life, and soul, it now carried. It **was** his place, however, to try and help Dean to see that there was no crime if he changed that decision. Whatever he decided Jim would stand by him and he hoped that the others would too; But they had as much right to put Dean's life before that of the 'might be baby' as Dean had to do the opposite. Dean was family, and sometimes an intervention was needed to clear the air.

Bobby had kept quiet during the discussion. He didn't need to add his contribution. Dean knew that no matter what he decided he would have complete support, but he had to admit that the thought that his surrogate son's life was once again at risk tore at his heart. Even if said threat was from a totally human source such as the pregnancy rather than a demon, though knowing Ruby he didn't count out demon threat either. That girl wanted Sammy for reasons of her own and he doubted that she would let Dean stand in her way. The rape had been at her instigation but he wouldn't rule out her taking direct action if required. He would make sure that the elder Winchester wasn't left alone outside the safety of the house - not even with Sam - not until he had proved where his loyalties lay.

Now that everybody had had their say Bobby made a move to get things moving again.

"Okay folks, I can't see that there is anything else we can do at the moment. Whatever you feel about Dean's decision it's all still too fresh and raw for us to be confronting Dean with it. Not till he and Sammy are better anyway."

Ellen grumbled, Jim muttered a quick Amen and Jo made a mental note to take more notice of her friend's when they invited her to baby showers, just in case Caleb was right. Missouri and Caleb exchanged a look that spoke volumes on the subject of family interference and while Caleb popped upstairs to taunt, that is to say sympathise, with the brothers Missouri made a start on dinner and noted down a list of vitamins and minerals that Dean would need to start taking. Just because it wasn't likely that this baby would go to term didn't mean that they shouldn't give it every possible chance. She didn't want Dean blaming himself if something went wrong…and he would; from doing too much to doing too little; too much stress, not enough nutrients, if there were a way of taking the blame Dean would find it and he didn't deserve that kind of guilt; it would be the straw that broke the camel's back. And she didn't need to be psychic to see that.

SpNSpNSpN

"Can we talk? I mean really talk…like we used to?" Sam somehow felt that he had lost the right to talk with his brother. That being let in on the inner workings of Dean's mind was a privilege not available to him anymore. Trouble was he didn't know where it had all gone so wrong or how to put things right.

"Depends what you want to talk about Sam? Depends if you want to talk with me or at me." Dean felt the first flicker of hope in a long time that they could work through this but he had been let down too many times in the past to get too excited.

Sam wondered if anyone else had noticed how Deborah was much more insightful than Dean, and then it hit him that there was no Deborah. Every word, thought and gesture was Dean; which meant he had been doing his brother a grave disservice for longer than he dared think of. No wonder Bobby and Caleb gave him disappointed looks when he treated Dean like the hired muscle.

Sam had been stuck in the same room with Dean for a whole day and a half and while they had been getting along okay they had steered clear of anything but the most general of subjects, Missouri finally declaring them fit enough to sit on the sunny back porch, with strict orders to rest. Neither had argued because while they had their voices back neither of them had a lot of energy and Missouri still had gallons of that foul tasting medicine.

"I don't want to argue any more Dean, and I don't want to be a jerk anymore either. I just…I'm just confused. This whole thing was meant to be so simple. To keep you from going to hell…"

"Which I appreciate." Sam smiled at Dean's comment.

"And suddenly what should have been a minor inconvenience for a few months turns into me going on some sort of power trip and you….I know you've been keeping stuff from me but I can't figure out if it's because you blame me or you're doing the big brother protecty thing again."

"Protecty? Knew we shouldn't have watched those Buffy the Vampire Slayer re-runs last night."

Sam almost felt the warmth in his brother's tease as a physical thing, it had been too long, far too long.

"Yeah well, at least I didn't have my brain telling me that Buffy was sexy while my hormones couldn't drag themselves away from Spike's oh so not female form…And you haven't answered my question. Although I have to say that the way you sidestepped it was very girly."

Dean raised an eyebrow but the usually sardonic gesture was ruined by the intense blush that stole across his face…damn hormones! At Sam's snigger he tried a glare but the twitch of his lips indicated that Sam wasn't the only one who found it funny.

"I was admiring his fighting skills." Sam's snort of disbelief spurred Dean into changing the subject…and Sammy was right. Now that he seemed to be acting a little more rationally he deserved to know at least part of the truth of these last few months. He would probably take the news about the soul better than the rape…Dean wasn't sure that he would ever be able to tell his brother about that; not while Ruby was around anyway. Dean wasn't so green as to think that just because he wanted to make peace Sam felt any different about the demon girl…not yet at any rate. After getting refills on their drinks, iced sweet tea being nicer than he had thought which was a good job because Missouri had laid down the laws last night and no alcohol was top of the list…a list which made him want to cry since it left nothing that he truly loved but seemed to include enough vegetables to feed a small country, Dean told Sam about his theories on the nature of the soul that Sam had conjured into being and it's unknown fate when they came to the end of the years occupation. He added that Pastor Jim had agreed, in principal, with his reasoning and that he hoped that Sam now understood why he had been trying to play down the less than legal aspects of their job, even though it had sometimes got in the way of their work.

Dean watched his brothers expressions change as he spoke; from disbelief to guilt and from anger to awe. When he was done he waited for the backlash. He knew he should have told Sam earlier, like right at the beginning, but he hadn't the heart to hurt him or the courage to fight him. When Sam did speak it was, thankfully, without tension although there was a sadness in his question which indicated that he already knew the answer and was just seeking confirmation.

"Why did you keep it from me for so long?"

Dean saw no reason for anything less than the truth. Sam deserved it and he had the feeling that pandering to his vulnerability now would have grave consequences down the line. It was Sam being encouraged by Ruby to think that he was blameless and superior to those he had called family all his life that had made them almost strangers.

"I was scared to tell you. I was scared you would hate me for figuring out something that you missed and I was afraid that you would blame yourself if something bad happened to the soul while it was with us."

Sam nodded and rubbed a sleeve covered arm sharply across his overly moist eyes as he gulped down his initial reaction but his voice cracked when he spoke and Dean didn't think it was because of his cold.

"You were scared for me and you were scared of me." It was a statement not a question but Sam saw the answer in the green watery eyes that held too much sorrow and too much responsibility. An important piece of a jigsaw that Sam hadn't known existed fell into place as he truly realised at least some of what he had put his brother through.

"You were terrified about dying and going to hell and then you had the shock of the spell to deal with and on top of all that" he hesitated and choked as he witnessed gratitude in his brother's expression for at last understanding how things were for the older Winchester…"on top of all that I acted like a total asshole and scared you even more."

"Wasn't all your fault Sammy." Sam didn't pick up on the comment that could be taken as a hint at the machinations of Ruby but Dean soon found Sam hugging him like he used to on dark and stormy nights when they were both scared of the lightning but didn't want to admit it. Sam didn't cry because he was a Winchester after all…and didn't have the excuse of an overdose of oestrogen. Dean hoped that this was real because if he woke up and found it to have been a dream he thought that he would never stop crying…Winchester name be damned.

Dean let Sam reconnect for a while and then, knowing that his emo brother could turn clingy broodiness into an Olympic sport, gave him a nudge and added a comment that had Sam shuffling away from the warm and comforting body faster than limbs falling off a zombie.

"Hey dude, you wanna shift a little, my right nipple has just gone to sleep."

Dean laughed at the horror on his brother's face as he realised just where his head had been resting. "Oh man, you are just too easy."

"Jerk!"

"Bitch."

Sam paused and then grinned. "You do realise that that has to be the other way round now?"

"Huh?"

"Well you have to be the bitch now cause you're the one with the boobs and the hormones and the mood swings" Sam sneezed but was soon back on track "And the secret crush on Johnny Depp and …." Sam froze in horror and admiration as with a positively evil smile Dean yelled at the top of his voice…

"Oh Missouri! Sammy is sneezing again."

Sam could almost taste the disgusting medicine on his tongue as he put on his pissed off face, any power in said expression being ruined by the twinkle in his hazel eyes.

"Jerk!"

"And don't you forget it Sammy."

SpNSpNSpN

Ruby paced nervously. Something had gone wrong, but for the life of her she couldn't figure out what. Sam should have come running to her by now, at least that was the plan. But her spies had told her that neither Winchester had left the psychic bitch's house in the last two days. So she had gone to see for herself. Perhaps they had turned on Sam but instead of throwing him out they had imprisoned him. She had been rather hoping for that scenario actually since it would give her a chance to save him and draw him in even closer. But instead of finding Sam locked up in the attic or wherever she had seen him sitting on the back porch with his idiot savant of a demon hunting brother, sipping drinks and laughing together! 'For Hades sake' she thought as she glared at a distant Sam, 'leave the weak minded fool alone for five minutes and he's back in the bosom of his sickeningly sweet family' - quite literally in the bosom if that hug was anything to go by. Ruby stomped her foot in frustration at not being able to hear what they were discussing and the Wards wouldn't let her get any closer. She would just have to be patient and wait for her next opportunity; she sighed, she didn't do patience very well and the longer the two brothers were left to their own devices the stronger their bond would become…and she had spent too much time and effort in breaking that bond to be thwarted by an Oprah moment and a group of ignorant humans.

'World domination isn't as easy as it looks is it Oh incompetent one?'

"Shut up you….you….you do-gooder you" She snapped at the disembodied voice that taunted her. No way would that holier than thou stuck up moron beat her. And neither would Dean Winchester. She would just have to find another way of dealing with the Brady Bunch and their stupid family loyalty. She felt a distinctly undemonic twinge of jealousy at the sight of the two brothers together. 'Huh!, families, who needs them. Power is the only thing that matters.' She refused to acknowledge how hollow that sounded to her own ears and as she walked away to redraw her plans she felt the first frisson of fear that this might be a fight she couldn't win. And the result of losing wasn't appealing to her at all.

TBC

A/N Hope you enjoyed the boys getting back on track. Next chapter sees Dean dealing with the demands of pregnancy and those pesky hormones. Honestly who would want to be a girl? :D


	14. Chapter 14

**A Year And A Day Chapter 14**

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Supernatural, Kripke & the CW do - and they won't share - no fair!

A/N Have to apologise in advance for any baby / pregnancy errors. I am sure that some readers are parents or aunts & uncles etc - but I'm not so forgive any inaccuracies.

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"I don't think that Dean's going to want any breakfast this morning Missouri. He's a little under the weather" said Sam with a wince. He always hated to see his brother suffer, even when the reason was obvious and natural.

"Morning sickness?" She nodded at Sam's affirmative. She had hoped that not being a real girl he might get away with it. "I'll make some dry toast and some of my ginger tea, that should help some."

"I'm sure he'll appreciate that." Sam didn't mention that that was probably the only thing he would appreciate at the moment since Sam hadn't been able to get a word out of him that didn't involve a lexicon of swear words and a few tears which he pretended he hadn't seen.

Sam sat down at the table as Missouri placed a plate of pancakes in front of him. Having passed them in the hall Sam knew that Caleb and Bobby had already eaten and he hadn't heard any sign of Ellen Joe or Jim, who had booked into the bed and breakfast down the street.

Missouri sighed as she saw the worried little frown set up home between Sam's eyebrows; she would bet the farm that it was to become a permanent fixture for the next few months. Still, it was better than the angry scowl or disapproving sneer he had been wearing these last weeks.

When Dean did finally drag himself downstairs it was to face the terrible truth. An event so awesome in it's tragedy, so profound that it put most of the past few days into shadow with it's burning brightness. How!? How could his, albeit borrowed, body betray him so! How could his lifeblood suddenly seem like dead man's blood to him.

How the hell could the ambrosial smell of coffee make him nauseous!?

"Coffee?" Sam's inquiry was innocent and pure in intent. The glare he received in return would kill an angel stone dead.

"Ah." Sam didn't know how that little wordless exhalation of air could make things worse but he winced as his brother slammed his head half heartedly down onto the kitchen table and covered it with his hands, shutting out the cruel world and the smell of the coffee. Sam looked on with what he hoped looked like sympathy should his miserable brother look his way. He certainly didn't want it to look like the amusement he was actually feeling. Something shimmered inside him as he realised that this affectionate amusement was a far cry from the bitter and superior pleasure he had been taking in his brother's failings these past months, or at least what he had then perceived as failings but was just beginning to learn had been strengths all along. He was both ashamed at his attitude and relieved that he was once again feeling those warm thoughts and feelings that he had taken for granted and nearly lost. Part of him wondered just how he could have gotten so turned around but he was afraid that if he faced those particular questions he might get sucked in again, and even if he hadn't have been terrified at the effect on himself he couldn't risk hurting Dean any more than he already had. His brother needed him more than he ever had before. But he didn't need him to be the big brother, he just needed him to be the Sammy who had loved him all his life. He could do that.

'_About time' _whispered that persistent little voice in his head and for once Sam wasn't annoyed at it.

Dean finally lifted his head as the cup of herbal tea that Missouri had placed next to him nudged his elbow. He sniffed the watery spicy smell and glared at the offending cup. That was so not fair. Something that foul should make him want to heave but it didn't. It was confirmation that herbal tea was indeed evil. Unfortunately it wasn't something he could salt and burn.

"Does it taste like coffee?" he asked Missouri in a way which he hoped didn't come across as whiny.

"No Dean, it tastes like ginger. And don't whine. A lack of coffee won't kill you."

"Has anyone actually proved that?"

With an encouraging smile from his brother…for which he was so going to pay….when he felt a little less like road kill, and a resigned sigh at Missouri's 'wooden spoon' face, the not so big brave hunter took a cautious sip.

Sam hadn't known that Dean could swear in latin and Spanish, both at the same time. The fact that after forcing down half a cup of the ginger brew he was able to face the toast didn't actually help his mood and Sam was pleased to hear the arrival of the women and Jim. There was strength in numbers after all.

Theoretically.

SpNSpNSpN

Dean sat on the couch, the paleness of his face highlighted by the blond hair, which in turn made the green eyes seem even brighter than normal. Of course that could also be down to the threatening tears. Not that he was upset, well not intellectually, but try convincing his hormones of that, and just when he had felt that he and they had reached some sort of understanding too.

Sam sat and listened as each of the women, excluding Missouri, gave their own little 'this has gone on long enough, now's the time to be sensible' speeches. He could understand that Ellen and Jo were only speaking as women who cared about Dean and didn't want him hurt, but they were obviously also putting forward their own personal beliefs as the only sensible view. And he wouldn't ever criticize that view. He wasn't anti-abortion and he knew for a fact that Dean wasn't either. They just didn't seem to give Dean's own choice any validity. And colour him stupid, but Sam thought the whole idea was the woman's right to choose. Hell, women risked their own health all the time so that their unborn babies could have a chance to survive, even going so far as to refuse life saving medical treatment. Personally he thought that they were the unsung heroes of the world. But for some reason Ellen and Jo were not willing to allow Dean the opportunity to risk his life for an innocent. But why?! It was, after all, something he did every day as a hunter and they didn't try to dissuade him from that.

Suddenly it came to him. And with it came anger. They were not giving Dean the benefit of a woman's choice because they didn't see him as a woman! Did they really think that a man was incapable of loving a child before it was born? Before he could hold it in his arms? Dean loved that unborn baby as much as his female hormones screamed to protect it and it was doing him an injustice to believe otherwise. It was what Dean did, male or female; he protected the innocent, and above all he protected family. Just because his mind was still male was no good reason for the women to take his right to choose away.

Besides it wouldn't work. Sam had to admit that if he were to have to choose between Dean and his unborn child he would choose his brother without hesitation. But he also knew that no amount of badgering or cajoling would get Dean to choose his own life over the baby, no matter how slim it's chance of survival. All Ellen and Jo were doing was make Dean feel bad. And his body was already doing a good enough job of that by itself.

"Enough!"

Missouri had kept quiet through sheer effort as the women described in lurid detail all the things that could go wrong, including his abdomen exploding as the baby failed to fit inside a newly re-established male space which didn't do much for his delicate stomach, or her more robust one she had to admit. Luckily her wooden spoon look worked on women as well as Winchesters and they diverted to other less colourful though just as compelling, and ultimately futile, arguments. In the end, though, Missouri had taken just about as much as she could stand and certainly more than Dean could stand and was about to intervene when Sam, bless his heart, she thought, got there first. Hers, along with all other eyes, including a pair of startled but grateful moist green orbs, turned the younger Winchester's way.

Ellen was not amused. She was certain that they were beginning to get through to the stubborn hunter. The intervention that she and Jo had discussed was the only way that they could think of to make the older Winchester see sense. While neither of them could fault his caring and his bravery they did berate his stubborn martyr complex. They owed it to both John and Mary's memory and the dwindling hunting community to prevent Dean sacrificing himself for an already lost cause. There was no way on earth that this foetus would go to term. It wasn't like the sacrifice he had made to save Sam; that at least had a guaranteed outcome. This was just plain male idiocy. Men didn't seem to realise that having a baby was a practical and potentially dangerous experience with consequences whichever way things turned out. Men who had never experienced fatherhood had a rosy picture of nine months of funny food cravings and a sweet smelling clone of themselves at the end of it whose diapers changed themselves and would automatically grow up to love them unconditionally. Unfortunately Ellen knew different. Life was hard and pregnancy was hard enough when the supernatural wasn't involved. And now to have Sam interfere was the icing on the cake. Honestly! To go from being nasty for the sake of it to being a supportive brother was wonderful but they could do with a little more of sensible and logical Sam and a little less of 'I know my brother's committing suicide but I feel guilty so I'll support him anyway' Sam.

"I said enough" Sam repeated as Ellen looked set to intervene again. And he recognized this for what it was, an intervention, Jim, giving his 'your soul won't suffer because termination is the only possible choice under the circumstances' speech again…and he understood the underlying message in that a lot better now that Dean had explained the whole soul thing to him, and how he hadn't thought of that particular consequence of the spell he still didn't know - unless it came under the same heading as all the other stupid things he's said and done - he would never know. At the end of the day, intervention notwithstanding and no matter how caring the intentions the fact remained that they were upsetting Dean, and nobody had that right…not even little brothers.

"All you are doing is upsetting him. I know" he softened his tone as Jo was about to protest, "that you're only doing this because you love him, but sometimes what we think is best only hurts worse. Dean has made his decision and you should respect it…and if you can't then perhaps you should leave him in the hands of those who do."

Jo was incensed. She had watched spellbound, just a couple of days ago, as Sam tore his brother to pieces just as damn efficiently as the mutt from hell…and now he had the gall to lecture her and her mom on what was best for the misguided and ill informed older hunter. She jumped up and faced off with the younger Winchester. About to protest her actions Dean felt a stilling hand rest on his arm. He looked enquiringly and a little fearfully at Missouri but was reassured by her unflustered expression and the sparkle in her eyes. He realised what she already knew, Sam had to do this himself; had to get used to being himself again. He just wished that two of the only three women in his life could have seen past their own opinions to what he needed. He wasn't stupid. He knew the risks, both before and after the twelve months were up, and it was a risk he was willing to take. He had already thought of ways to minimize the danger at his changing back…not that anyone had bothered asking him, thank you very much; and as for the rest, well it was a risk women took every day. It was a risk Jo might or might not one day choose to take herself. So what right did they have to say that he couldn't. It was almost enough for him to shrug off the psychic's grip but as her grasp tightened slightly in response to the emotions she was sensing he sat back and let his brother speak for him, glad that he once again wanted to.

"Why on earth would anyone in their right mind leave him in your hands!? You only just finished making his life a misery yourself. What gives you the right to lecture to me about the rights and wrongs of this?" an irate Jo complained loudly.

"Because he's a fool who has learned his lesson and despite being scared out of his wits is determined to help his brother, rather than control him, while you and Ellen seem determined to prove that men are from Mars and women are from Venus and that a Y chromosome disqualifies us from understanding about love and sacrifice, that our nature prevents nurture. And all that other philosophical crap."

Caleb had left Bobby to check over the car, which wasn't running smooth enough for the fussy mechanic's liking, Georgia helping by growling at her reflection in the hubcaps. He headed straight for the kitchen to maybe catch a second breakfast of Missouri's to - die - for pancakes. Unfortunately what he heard threatened to give him instant indigestion. About to intervene he stopped, just outside the open doorway, at the sound of Sam's voice. He nodded to himself at the kid's comments. Looked like he was finally getting the point. He certainly deserved the chance to redeem himself, but Jo wasn't giving it to him. He sighed as he slipped unnoticed into the room. He didn't know how Dean managed to keep up this big brother lark. It was exhausting….but pissing off Jo was always fun.

At the end of his little speech, not bad for someone with a pesky Y chromosome, and before either woman could offer up a counter argument or any psychics could threaten him with kitchen implements…after all who knew when Missouri might realize that there were things more intimidating than wooden spoons, like a garlic press…his eyes watered…he seconded Sam's ultimatum.

"Sam's right. Dean would be better off with fewer people who really supported him rather than poisonous doubt being drip fed to him through his pregnancy…however long it lasts."

"Dean?"

Dean looked dazed but at the uncompromising hardness in Jo's eyes and the softer but implacable look in Ellen's as she sought his decision he knew that Caleb was right, not that he'd ever swell the man's already enormous ego by admitting it. As much as he didn't want to put too much of a burden on the others he felt too out of his depth to have to listen to people who might lead him to make decisions that he knew deep down to be wrong for him. And he thought that after all these years of doing what he felt was right for everybody else he deserved to be cut a little slack and be a little selfish…even if that selfishness carried risks with it. With a certainty in his voice that none of them had heard for several days and a tear in his eye because…well just because…damn hormones! He gave Ellen the reply she had been dreading and expecting.

"Sorry Ellen, but I need back-up on this. I know you only want to do what's best but it's not, not for me…or the baby."

Ellen nodded sadly but with acceptance. It was, after all, his right to choose and she had been wrong to think otherwise. Unfortunately Jo was not so easily dissuaded from her course.

"Are you crazy!? You are going to die. Or doesn't that matter to you? Are you so pig headed that you would die just to spite those who know better?"

"JO!" Ellen's command was not one that Jo heard often but she was smart enough to obey it when she did. Ellen turned a cold glare on her and then an apologetic look on the stony faces of the others. "We'll go back to the B&B and pack….but Dean, if ever you need me, I'm just a call away."

Dean nodded, grateful that Ellen hadn't made things difficult and that they would be parting on good terms. He didn't look at Jo as she flounced past but he didn't really harbour a grudge either. Jo was as stubborn as he was but he knew that her anger stemmed from worry. She'd calm down…eventually.

After they heard the door close Dean went to stand but Sam put a restraining hand on his shoulder and turned his attention to Pastor Jim. Whether he agreed with Ellen and Jo or not at least they had argued their case. Jim had said nothing after his pat little speech. He needed to know where all the players stood. He didn't want anyone around his brother who would be bad for him. As the little voice in his head reminded him that Ruby fit that category he mentally side stepped it. He didn't want to deal with that now and he knew that Dean wasn't up to dealing with it either.

"Pastor Jim, you've been quiet. We already know that you're in favour of abortion…."

"No, no I'm not."

Well that was a surprise was the thought that ran through the assembled minds as Jim gave Dean a supportive smile.

"Dean why don't you explain to the others about the soul." Jim hoped that with the knowledge the others would understand about both his own divided feelings and Dean's determination. He could see from the lack of surprise on Sam's face that he had already confided in his brother.

"What's all this about a soul and why did the ladies just hightail it outta here like a poltergeist was on their heels?" Bobby's gruff voice arrived in the room just before he did, Georgia at his side until she spied her filled food bowl. With a check that her human was unharmed she set about devouring her victim - which was already disappointingly dismembered and cooked in gravy, and tasted suspiciously less than human. Perhaps they only had human at special occasions. She could wait.

Caleb quickly filled Bobby in as he washed his hands and took his seat. With a warm, encouraging smile from Sam Dean explained once again about the soul he occupied and the effects his decisions might have on it and then he added,

"But I'm not just doing it because of Deborah, but because I want this. I want the chance to have a child and in this business this might be the only chance I will ever have. And no I wouldn't have chosen this path but I won't deny that I want to see where it goes."

"And that's why I'm not opposed to abortion, both in principal and in Dean's case, the risks are too great to Dean for me to insist on observing the sanctity of life, but it's also why I will support his decision fully" explained Jim as the others recovered from the enormity of Dean's confession and Sam's admittance that he hadn't realised until he had been told either. Jim continued, with a pat on the head for Georgia who had settled between him and Caleb, still not quite willing to trust the big human who hurt his pack-mate enough to sit next to him. She was still close enough to tear out his throat if need be…or if anyone accidentally gave a command that sounded like kill, or possibly maim.

"I know that this pregnancy puts Dean in danger and I feel that it's my duty to point out that the soul will not suffer if he decides to protect his own life first. He too is an innocent in this. He didn't choose to be female." nobody but Missouri saw the regret in Sam's expression at that. "But it is also my duty and a privilege, to support Dean fully in whatever decision he does make. And I'm sure that we'll do all we can to keep him healthy and safe."

"Now someone's talking sense!" Caleb hoped that this would be the end of all the emotional upheaval, though he suspected not. Ruby was still out there after all and he, for one, hadn't forgotten just who was responsible for all this. He looked at Georgia admiringly. She was getting bigger and stronger by the day…and those teeth were a sight to behold.

"So what do we do now?" Bobby brought all their thoughts back to the moment. Dealing with pregnant women wasn't something that was an everyday occurrence in his life.

Missouri knew exactly what to do. She also knew that Dean wouldn't like it.

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"Do I have to?"

Missouri swore that if she heard that come from Dean's lips one more time she would explode.

"Dean!" she warned

"But…"

"It's necessary, now just let's go inside before we attract security. We'll be late as it is."

Sam gave Dean a sympathetic smile and prodded him gently in the direction of the revolving doors of the clinic.

Missouri and Sam stared at each other and Sam had to bite his lip to stop himself from laughing at the look on the psychic's face. He wisely refrained from comment as he re-entered the door and made another circuit, grabbing hold of and, this time, keeping a tight grip on his cowardly brother.

Dean had the good grace to blush as Missouri gave the attempted escapee a slap upside the head and pushed him towards the desk.

One good thing about being late reflected Missouri as the nice, friendly nurse led a reluctant Dean away to a room was that it left no waiting time.

One bad thing about being late reflected Dean as the hatchet faced harridan of a nurse dragged him toward a torture chamber, was that it didn't leave any time to escape your fate.

Sam and Missouri waited in the lounge area. Both had offered to accompany the terrified Winchester but he had refused, whether from embarrassment or a determination to be brave they weren't sure. Sam fidgeted as he read the posters that adorned the walls, each one telling him something new that Dean hadn't done that he should have - would not taking folic acid supplements make a difference? Or telling him that they were going to have to do something that Dean would kill them for…well, he mused as he scanned one poster with a blush…at least they wouldn't have to worry about breast feeding…would they!?

As Missouri was making a mental note of baby magazine titles that she should buy and Sam was having an internal breakdown over breast milk they were both startled by a sudden loud scream, which was soon followed by a blond lightning streak, holding tight to the back of her gown, heading straight for them with the nurse and an amused but concerned female doctor trailing in her wake.

Dean came to a halt in front of his brother and the woman he had started to think of as a surrogate mother and pulling himself up to his full five feet one and a half inches - he'd measured - he flung his arm back toward the two medical personnel, finger pointing accusingly.

"Th….they, she…she wanted me to…..and then that one tried to….It's, it's INDECENT!"

Sam doubled up with laughter and didn't even feel the slap to his head from Missouri who was trying her best to keep her own giggles in check. She understood, she really did…but he looked so adorably outraged as he pointed at the doctor and nurse who waited patiently, having seen just about everything in their time.

"Oh baby!" was her only comment as she moved forward to take him in hand. She didn't dare tell him that this was only the beginning.

TBC

A/N Hope you enjoyed. Poor Dean! I'm glad that I'm not the maternal type. Lol. Also apologies for late update but RL just won't stand in line and wait it's turn.


	15. Chapter 15

A Year and a Day Chapter fifteen

A/N I know it's been far too long. Just for those who weren't aware I had a 4000 word research project to do for an adult education course (a British organisation called the Open University) and all fics had to be put on hold for the duration. Since it ended I tackled the updates partly on the urging of the muse and partly on reader numbers which means that I haven't gotten to this till now. But better late than never so I hope you enjoy. This chapter leads into the next section of what I laughingly call the plot so it's mostly talking and thinking.

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Sam paused at the doorway of Missouri's living room where Dean sat on the sun drenched window seat seemingly gazing out at nothing. All thoughts of regaling his brother with details of his first successful trip out with Georgia were wiped from his mind at the sight of the tiny girl. He wondered just how such a big personality and infinitely big heart could have been forced to fit inside the teeny shell. That thought, of course, led to the more bitter wondering on how his own small mindedness and shrunken, cold heart hadn't slipped from his own sasquatch sized body months ago.

Without even turning his head Dean acknowledged his brother's presence. Though Missouri denied it Sam was sure that his brother had psychic skills because he could always pin-point where his family was… unless, of course, they deliberately evaded him to meet up with demons. But as guilty as he felt over his treatment of his brother he still missed Ruby. He knew that Dean didn't trust her and after the way he had been tortured by the YED in his own father's body and the way Meg had toyed with him, with them both - and that hurt Dean even more because he would rather be tortured than see anyone else suffer - all those experiences had left him with an understandable distrust of anything demonic. But Sam wasn't so sure; after all he himself had demon blood running through his veins and he didn't feel or act evil. He had been possessed and he knew what true evil felt like and how it thought and he had never felt that in himself or seen it in Ruby. But he wouldn't press the issue. If it came to a choice it would always be Dean; he had nearly forgotten that, had begun to take his brother for granted, to think less of him for his seeming prejudice against Ruby but he was going through a rough enough time with the pregnancy without having to put up with a whining little brother. He smiled in case Dean could see his reflection in the glass and then left him in peace, he would go and show Missouri that all his fingers were still intact and inform her that no innocent passers by had been eaten while walking the hellhound….probably best not to tell her about the traumatized hot dog vendor - he didn't know what had set her off but he wouldn't be eating from there again.

Dean had felt his brother's presence before he had caught his reflection. He was glad to see him smiling again but he was also glad that he had left him alone for a while. He had some decisions to make. Hell who was he kidding, there was only one decision he could make. He had felt the tension starting to build again in Sam over these past few days. He wondered if Ruby's hold over him was like some sort of drug and his little brother had become addicted. Yet he also had no doubt that Sam would drive himself insane before he broke his promise; but the resentment would build, it was inevitable. And he, Bobby and Caleb would be seen as the bad guys because how could Ruby be the catalyst for the rows that would ensue if she wasn't even here. Either way she would win. No there was only one solution, but it carried it's own dangers with it. He just didn't see any other way. One thing was for sure Missouri and Caleb weren't going to like it!

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"Are you insane!?" Caleb stared at his best friend in shock and horror, tinged with more than a touch of awe. The hunter part of it understood the principle behind the plan perfectly but the protective older brother was seeing a small and vulnerable pregnant girl and there was no way he was going to let that…that….

"Are you sure that you've thought this through thoroughly sweetie?" Missouri, too, understood. She also understood just how much danger Dean was potentially putting himself in. Demons couldn't be trusted at the best of times but since they knew the steps Ruby had already gone to to get Dean away from Sam there was no telling what she would do if given unlimited access to him, especially as no-one wanted to tell Sam the truth, and rightly so. He was a lot better but the guilt would still devastate him.

"It's the only way." Dean's confirmation was expected but the firmness and finality told them that to do anything but support him was to betray both him and his brother. Once he had their nods of agreement he turned to practical issues before Sam got back from the errand Missouri had found for him. Not that there was much to plan. The plan itself was simple. Let Ruby into the house and have free association with Sam and hope he saw her for what she was before she killed anyone!

"So can you lower the wards on this place without leaving us open to attack from the world and his demon?" Dean was aware that in Missouri's line of business and her well known contact with the hunting world the wards were as essential as locks and alarms were for any typical householder.

"That's no problem Dean, I can tweak the wards to allow just her in…and I can reverse it with a simple word when the time comes." Both men noted that she hadn't said if, but when. They couldn't disagree with that.

The only thing left to do was tell Sammy the good news.

"Have we got any ham to go with this chocolate spread?"

Missouri and Caleb shuddered. If they found out that Dean's bizarre cravings were some sort of practical joke they would kill him. Then they considered his normal dietary habits and ham and chocolate didn't seem quite so abnormal…now if he started craving vegetables they would know that the apocalypse was nigh!

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"You're kidding me, right?!"

Dean winced at the look of joy on his brother's face but when he thought of the look he would have been seeing if he had confessed that his precious Ruby was the instigator of the rape that he didn't even know was a rape that had resulted in his pregnancy, a pregnancy that might yet kill him as dead as if the hellhounds had taken him that night so many months ago he held back the words he wanted to say and simply confirmed the offer that was to be made to the demon girl.

"We've talked and Missouri has agreed to allow Ruby to visit as a guest…but there are rules and if she breaks them then she's out…no second chances okay?"

"Yeah sure! This is fantastic Dean; I know that you'll get to like her if you get to really know her. A chance is all she wants, to show you that she's not like any other demons. It'll work I promise."

'Oh for goodness sake, does he have to be like a grateful big puppy!' Dean thought with a twinge of guilt….though that could possibly be indigestion. Perhaps the pickle didn't go so well with the chocolate; next time he'd just have it with the ham.

"Sam! You're getting carried away…just like you used to do every Christmas when you thought that you might get to meet Santa's elves. You were the only kid I knew who preferred the elves to the man in red…weird brat!"

"Elves are interesting" Sam defended with a blush.

"Seriously though Sammy, I…We're doing this for you. Don't expect us to like her because it ain't gonna happen."

Sam nodded, unwilling to do or say anything that might make Dean change his mind. This may be Missouri's house but it was obviously Dean's decision. And it had been a generous one. Dean had been tortured by Demons and half the time they were wearing a member of his family's body so if anyone had the right to hate demons on sight it was him…but still, if Ruby made the effort perhaps they could show him that not every demon was bad just like not every human was good. Might as well be optimistic about it….even if there was more chance of Caleb taking up ballroom dancing than Dean and Ruby managing to spend more than a few minutes together without arguing, like in the club that night; the night that saw Dean go off with that guy and get himself pregnant. Sam paused and frowned as a shiver shimmied unpleasantly down his spine. There was something that he should be seeing about that night but it wouldn't come to him….ah well it couldn't have been important; they already knew the important facts about that night; facts that they couldn't forget because Dean was carrying round the evidence…at least for now.

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When the soft, hesitant knock came at the door Sam was out of his seat faster than a hellhound off the leash - their own hellhound having been banned to the laundry room for the duration; since she was the only one who retained any sort of common sense they couldn't trust her not to tear Ruby into little bite sized pieces. Just in case she got too over-excited at the presence of a demon in the house Caleb had a stack of hot dogs on stand by; for some reason that no-one had been able to explain she had developed quite a taste for them. Suspiciously, at least to Caleb's mind, Sam had developed an aversion to them at the same time. Shrugging off the mystery Caleb moved to stand by and just a little in front of Dean as Sam welcomed his little black hearted playmate into the house…and he could swear that he felt the very fabric of the building shudder in revulsion at her arrival. Much to his surprise Dean didn't push him aside; it was a sobering indicator of just how scared his little brother/sister was of her, or rather of what she was capable of. Well she would have to pull out all the stops to get past him and if she did then Missouri had a few tricks up her sleeve - wooden spoons were only for those she liked, the weapons in her arsenal reserved for true enemies would make even the hardiest hunters vulnerable bits shrivel in terror…or so she'd told him last time he stole half a tray of her fresh baked cookies.

"Come in Ruby, it's great to see you, sorry it's been a while but, well, family stuff y'know?"

Ruby could see both the apology and the desperate plea for good behaviour in the boy's soulful eyes. She smiled in what she had learned to be an understanding manner, oh she was going to be the most well behaved demon they had ever met. She was going to be so well behaved she wouldn't be surprised if she sprouted a halo - right up till the moment that she either got her prize to voluntarily cast off his dross of a family or until she had destroyed both the obstacle in her way and the little bastard get that he carried.

"That's okay Sam, family should always come first, especially when they are as close as yours is…I envy you that, it's a precious thing."

Sam practically beamed at the reassurance and the compliment and so didn't notice Missouri's eye roll or Caleb miming sticking his finger down his throat at the overly sugary and so obviously insincere comment. Dean's expression was unreadable but he silently swore to check his teeth for cavities after she had gone! His amusement turned to an equally expressionless cold fear as Ruby caught his eye from behind the rambling Sam who was leading the way toward the kitchen where tea had been prepared. She gave him a smile that was colder than ice and full of malevolent promise. Not to be seen to be as afraid as he was, or outdone, Dean shot her back a smile that was as full of warmth as hers was of cold and as full of benevolence as hers, well, wasn't. She scowled as she realised that Sam was in a perfect position to see his brother's conciliatory offering which she would have to live up to rather than lead the way in. He was obviously a lot more sneaky than his little brother and despite his feminine appearance she felt a thrill of appreciation course through her at having an equal to play against. She just wasn't sure that it was a feeling she should welcome. Her purpose was to cut Sam from the herd to use for her own ends not play mind games with his protective and potentially very dangerous brother.

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"Missouri, that was delicious. I can see why Sam and Dean don't want to leave here. It must be rare for them to have such lovely home cooked food in such a loving atmosphere."

Missouri could almost hear Ruby's teeth grind as she forced out the compliment and she almost laughed out loud at the blatant insincerity and Caleb's rather shell shocked expression but true to her promise to Dean she merely smiled sweetly and thanked the demon for her kindness. It twisted her heart though to see the joy on Sam's face as the farce was played out. The poor thing had always taken people at face value. He gave honesty and trust and expected to get the same in return. How someone who had seen so much evil and betrayal could retain the level of innocence that he had was beyond her comprehension. Well, almost; she didn't doubt that it was because of Dean's protective nature. Dean had taken on all the distrust and hurt to keep it from reaching his baby brother, and that was a good and brave thing to do, especially when one considered how young the child was when he began, instinctively, to do it. But when that trustful nature that Dean had instilled in Sam was hijacked by a bitch like the one eating her chocolate cake then it was painful to watch…and she could see that Dean was blaming himself for the massive let down that his Sammy was heading towards. When Sam did realise the truth it was going to be very unpleasant but it would be even worse if he never did discover that truth. Much as it pained her to admit it Dean had been right to invite Ruby in because Ruby was the only one who could show herself for the true monster that she was. Missouri smiled as Ruby gave a little start and shifted uncomfortably in her seat. It was something she had been doing all through the meal…every time Georgia in the next room growled or whined, scratching at the door. She had wondered why Caleb had suggested eating in the kitchen rather than the more formal dining room, now she knew! She had two wonderfully devious boys; her eyes turned sad as she looked toward Sam who was animatedly telling of Dean's attempt to escape from the clinic at his first visit…and she had one boy who was going to need a lot of hugs when his world came crashing down…either from Ruby's evil or Dean's health…or both.

"So there is something that spooks the big" Ruby smirked at the description of the now teeny girl, "brave hunter" Ruby could kick herself as her naturally sarcastic tone peeked through and caused Sam to frown slightly. Dammit! She cursed herself, 'only here a couple of hours and I'm losing it…but Dean is just so much fun to stir up' Her own brow furrowed as the reply she got was not the one she had expected. It evened out Sam's expression but it made her nervous.

"I'm not going to deny it. Hospitals are scary enough without the added worry of waiting to see if your unborn baby is okay. I'd probably worry more if I hadn't been scared…give me a Wendigo over a foetus any day. Monsters I understand."

Seeing the others nod at his reply Ruby suddenly felt like she had lost control of the situation. There wasn't even any hint of triumph on the almost elfin features…Damn he was good. This was going to be much harder than she had thought. But the prize was worth it. After all what girl didn't want to rule the world and drag it, kicking and screaming, down into the pits of hell.

Sam was her key to the door and while his brother was smart and strong he had a massive weakness…well it wasn't massive at the moment and it wasn't destined to be as the transformation would make it as though it had never been. But as long as he was pregnant he was vulnerable, and a pregnant man would be even more vulnerable than a pregnant woman. And luckily for her she had just the spell that would ensure that the little Winchester sprout would survive to carry on distracting the hunter after he became a real live boy again. And if by some catastrophe she couldn't get Sam away from him before the birth, well his tragic demise during or just after the event was easy enough to arrange. As long as she didn't alienate herself from them until then.

Plastering on a reasonably sincere smile she leapt back into the conversation. There was too much at stake to blow it now.

In the laundry room Georgia howled at the sheer evil that was coming from the other side of the door. She locked the scent of the threat deep inside of her heart. Her eyes glowed a deep blood red as she made the promise to herself and to the devil himself. If anything happened to her girl/not girl Master then there would be nowhere in the world that the prey would be able to hide.

TBC

Like I said, shorter than usual but that's been the case for all my fics, it only seemed fair so that I could get out updates on them all. This chapter sets up the next section of the fic. Dean's return to his Dean-ness, Sam's learning the truth and dealing with it, and preparing for the birth - but Dean doesn't seem well, what on earth could be wrong? Some of that dealt with in the next chapter. Hope you enjoy.


	16. Chapter 16

A Year and a Day Chapter sixteen

Disclaimer: There used to be a strange presence in my closet - that's my only claim to anything Supernatural.

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Ruby sighed a heartfelt sigh. Just because she was a demon didn't mean that she couldn't have deep feelings she would have you know. And at this moment her feelings were both deep and yet very close to the surface. A deep need to accomplish what was proving to be a more difficult task than she had expected and an almost overwhelming urge to slaughter everyone who stood in her path!

The initial plan had been simple, bordering on brilliant…even if she did say so herself. Simply cast a little spell on the oblivious Debby/Dean and voila! One fat dude as the reformed and pregnant man himself would no doubt say. But she had reckoned without the most protected house in Kansas, or the most suspicious and least trusting humans in creation. The 'no spell' charms laid on the house had done their job well but there were more ways to skin a Winchester….and that thought sent a shiver through her, she'd have to remember that for when they were at her mercy. That's if she could ever get near enough to Dean to implement her revised plan.

She would have thought it simple enough to slip the potion into Dean's food or drink but then her previous plan had taught her that simple and Winchester were not good bed mates. She was watched like a hawk on every visit. It would have to be soon though…time was running out. She congratulated herself for showing the patience of a saint. The first few visits had been lessons in diplomacy and she had practically bitten off her own tongue trying to avoid upsetting anyone, especially widdle Deanykins! She only had to look at him with anything less than total respect and his pet guard dog of the two legged variety, otherwise known as Caleb, was on her case. Bobby never left her alone with either brother and Missouri prepared all their food. Then there was that damned hound, she could swear that she only had to think an impure thought and it began to howl like a banshee. Honestly, the freakin' President wasn't so well guarded! But there was a weak link…as far as she was concerned he would always be the weak link.

Sam.

Oh, he was just as protective as the others of his brother…at first. But unlike the others Sam was putting aside his natural trust of her not his distrust. And as time went by without incident that trust began to dominate again.

"Damn, I forgot Dean's coke!" Sam turned on his heel and began to head towards the kitchen. While he couldn't argue (even if he had wanted to) with Missouri that in his advancing pregnancy his brother needed frequent naps to keep his strength up it might help everybody if he would actually sleep! Instead whoever was on Deanwatch had the constant cry of "I need … I want … can you get me a…" or variations on the theme. And at the moment he was drinking enough Coke to fill Lake Michigan.

"I'll get it Sam and you can take it up to him." 'Please, please, please' thought Ruby as she smiled sweetly.

Sam frowned and glanced back at the soccer game he had been watching. If he only had to dash up the stairs he wouldn't miss much because Dean was watching the same thing but if he had to detour via the kitchen… Well they were in extra time and it could go to a penalty shoot out… but Ruby wasn't to be allowed anywhere near Dean or anything he ate or drank….

"Sam, honestly!" 'Light hearted exasperation, with just a touch of hurt feelings, God that boy is so gullible' thought Ruby as she performed for the younger Winchester. She knew it was working when he bit his lip and gave an abashed smile. But just to be on the safe side…she had gotten this far before only to have the little brat come to his senses, like he was channelling his inner Caleb!

"Think Sam; Would I really try to hurt Dean? Even if I had intentions of doing him harm I wouldn't be stupid enough to do it while in the same house as both him and his killer dog."

Sam had to admit that he thought that the others had gone a little too far in their protection of his brother and she was making sense. She wasn't even going to be in the same room as him.

"Okay" he replied and was pleased to see the happy smile light up her face once more. He didn't like to think of her being hurt by all this. He knew that she didn't like his brother, hell lots of people disliked Dean, he tended to have that effect on them, but if she did have demonic intentions then surely she would want to hurt the one with the demonic link…and they all knew that that wasn't Dean.

Ruby was so relieved that she could have danced. It was a relief, however, that momentarily froze at Sam's next word.

"NO!"

Heart in mouth Ruby turned toward the younger brother ready to try and salvage the situation…only to find him leaning toward the television screen in protest at a disallowed goal.

She may indeed be evil but she was sure that there was a special level of hell reserved for sports and their fans, and she was going to make sure that Sam Winchester went there!

Thirty minutes after Sam had taken Dean his spiked drink he returned and Ruby was beside herself with relief that the glass was empty. For one moment she panicked - what if Sam had drunk it instead! But then she remembered that while Dean was a Coke man Sam preferred Pepsi, so mission accomplished then, at least for now.

"Hey Ruby" Sam called her attention to him as he switched off the TV at the end of the match, "I need to go out for some supplies, and…"

Ruby noticed the look of apology on Sam's face. She was tempted to play on it and make the boy feel awful but what the heck, she was feeling generous today!

"That's okay Sam, I'll come with you if you like, keep you company."

"Thanks for understanding, it's not that I don't trust you, it's just that…"

"You're the only one that does." Ruby made sure that a smile accompanied the comment to show that she wasn't hurt…huh! As if! "Never mind Sam, you always were the one with all the brains, they'll learn the truth eventually and then you can say 'I told you so' So where are we going?"

Sam indicated the half eaten sandwich that he had brought downstairs and pushed aside the uneasy feeling that Ruby's ego polishing statement had given him. "Dean's craving for ham and chocolate sandwiches has worn off and he's developed another one…y'know I'm sure that most women don't go through so many weird fancies." He shrugged as he put on his coat and grabbed the car keys. As they left he muttered, "We have to go to the pet store for kibble" On seeing the look of shock on the normally neutral demon's features he did a quick reprise of his comments….

"No! For Georgia! Not even Dean would….No, he wants ice-cream…and dill pickles." Both of them shuddered at the combination before Sam added…"Best not to tell him about the kibble, just in case…"

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Dean just couldn't seem to get comfortable. No matter what position he lay in some bit of the baby managed to press on his bladder. He knew that at just over five months pregnant the baby was still quite small but he'd seen poltergeists no bigger than puppies do a hell of a lot of damage. A part of him wanted this to all be over, to be back to normal…but the part of him that cared far more than he wanted to felt nothing but guilt at what would happen when he did return to his own body. He couldn't fool himself that he would still be pregnant. He figured that he'd used up his share of miracles in avoiding hell, and for some reason he couldn't explain he knew that by his not dying and going downstairs something terrible had also been averted. He had his brother and he would have his health; they would be able to carry on killing things and saving people and the only casualties were two incomplete beings who were never meant to exist in the first place…it was a small price to pay…so why did the thought that he would be killing Deborah and her baby fill so many of his waking moments? He sighed and tried to sleep but rest just wouldn't come. He reached over to the bedside table and plucked a gold wrapped toffee candy from the bowl there; for some reason his Coke had tasted a little odd…his dork of a brother had probably given him Pepsi, yuk. He just hoped that the pregnancy wasn't screwing with his taste buds, he had already had to swear off booze; at this rate he would soon be drinking nothing but plain water…and that just couldn't be healthy!

Finally Dean drifted to sleep, his arm placed protectively over his belly; as he wriggled restlessly he was unaware of the faint silver glow surrounding him or the way it undulated over his slightly distended stomach.

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Caleb groaned as Missouri gave him the address of the last client for the day - right over the other side of town! If he had known that the plan to have Missouri visit her clients rather than have them come to the house and disturb Dean, or give Ruby the opportunity to smuggle in one of her associates, would result in him being a full time chauffer he would have bought her a season ticket on public transport instead. He blushed as Missouri glanced over from the passenger seat and snorted disbelievingly. His guilt vanished as suddenly as it had come when instead of reprimanding him Missouri paled and with a gasp put her hand to her mouth. He pulled over immediately and waited for her vision to fade. He knew that she didn't get outright visions very often, that had been Sam's territory, but when she did they were always important.

"Missouri?" he queried quietly as the glazed look in her brown eyes faded.

"It's Dean, we need to get back….Now!"

Caleb didn't need telling twice and after a highly illegal U-turn he pushed the small car as fast as it would go, all the while wishing he were in the Impala with it's high powered engine. If that bitch had gotten to his little brother then even hell would be heaven compared with what he would do to her. And if Sam had let her…. He pushed that thought back, he would hate to have to hurt a Winchester!

Dean woke after yet another unsatisfying nap. He really didn't know why Missouri kept insisting on them, they were filled with weird dreams…and not of the kinky kind…and never lasted long because he always had to wake up to pee. Like now. And he didn't know what his latest dream had been about but it had left him feeling distinctly unsettled. As he pushed himself up into a sitting position his head gave a twirl and he had to close his eyes quickly to shut out the spinning room…was vertigo a common symptom of pregnancy he wondered. Bobby had threatened to buy him one of those pregnancy books but after Ellen and Jo's lecture about the horrors of having a baby he'd vetoed the idea. Now he was thinking that perhaps he shouldn't have. One thing that was common, however, was the reason he risked another bout of dizziness in his efforts to get to the bathroom. Honestly! If he still had his manly bits he probably would have worn it out by water erosion before now.

Taking it slow Dean managed to complete the necessary task and was half way back to his bedroom when a sudden incredible feeling of weakness came over him. He grabbed onto the nearby rail that denoted the beginning of the stairs and tried not to panic. Dean Winchester did not panic…and neither did Deborah. Hunters were trained to face any situation without fear.

But Oh God! He was scared!

Abandoning a lifetime of stoic bravery and self reliance he called for help, his energy now so dissipated that the rail was the only thing keeping him upright.

No-one answered. But that couldn't be right could it? Sam had been here…he had brought him a drink…hadn't he, or was that part of his dream? Had Sam left him again, gone back to Stanford? …No, no he wouldn't….something must have happened…

RUBY!

Oh God! If that bitch had hurt his brother! Dean staggered down the stairs, his thoughts becoming more confused as his vision began to grey. By the half way point both his body and his conscious thought gave out and he tumbled the rest of the way down to land in a small heap at the bottom; with one last groan he instinctively curled in on himself to protect his unborn child as he sank into blackness.

Sam made his way round to the trunk of the car to unload the bags, the kibble alone weighed a ton - damn dog would probably eat them out of house and home. He hoped that since today had gone so well everyone would chill a little for Ruby's next visit. Not wanting to impose she had left him at the pet store with a kiss that promised much more for their next meeting. He was still smiling at the thought when Caleb screeched to a halt and leapt from the drivers seat without bothering to turn off the engine. The expression on the older hunter's face made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up and wordlessly he followed behind. As Missouri caught up with them he asked the questions he didn't want to hear the answers to.

"What's wrong? Is it Dean? Did he call you?"

Nobody answered, they didn't need to, the answer was lying curled up at the foot of the stairs.

Caleb was dialling 911 before Missouri could even begin to form the words. She knelt beside the small form and noted with relief the steady albeit slightly slower than normal breathing.

"Sam grab me a throw off the couch, I don't want him getting cold."

Missouri's words went unheard as Sam stood in uncomprehending shock. He hadn't been gone longer than half an hour!

'Shouldn't have gone at all' a voice inside said. But it wasn't the strange little voice he had become used to hearing. This one he had been familiar with for years. It was the guilt that berated him every time he screwed up, every time Dad had chewed him out for messing up on a hunt; when he had shot his own brother; when Jess had died and he had done nothing, or that was how the voice had seen it. Dean had pointed out that there was nothing he could have done but he never could resist listening to that voice, like he was now. It was right he should never have left his brother.

'Just like you should never have let Ruby make that drink' the voice whispered. His blood ran cold and he had to close his eyes to block out the sight of Dean lying hurt on the floor….hurt because he had stupidly trusted a demon? How could he know? How could he tell the others that this might be Ruby's doing? What if he told them and it turned out to be a simple accident? Caleb would tear him to pieces and all the trust he'd built up with Dean this past few months would be destroyed; and for what, for nothing…IF it was an accident…but if it was Ruby and he didn't tell, what then? Dean could die and it would be his fault…hell it already was his fault!

Caleb hung up the phone's receiver and grabbed the throw that he'd heard Missouri ask Sam for. He could see that the younger brother was in shock but at the moment he just couldn't bring himself to care. What the hell had he been thinking, leaving Dean alone!? The only thing worse would have been leaving him alone with Ruby, and at least she wasn't around….or was she?

It took him several tries to get through to Sam but he sighed with relief when the confirmation came that the demonic girl had left the house with Sam and not returned. His relief at that news and his concern at his unmoving friend meant that he missed the flash of guilt and panic that crossed Sam's face.

Sam was relieved that, for now at least, he had won himself some breathing space. He would admit to his mistake if he had to but if he told them now then they might presume a supernatural cause for Dean's accident where there was none and any treatment could be adversely affected - after all pregnant women were fainting all the time weren't they? Something to do with hormones. While a part of him knew that he was merely making excuses so that he wouldn't have to face the music he also knew that if this turned out to be the accident it looked like then he could cause untold grief by his admission….sometimes truth wasn't always the best option. His musings were interrupted by the sound of sirens…had he been standing here uselessly for that long! He had to pull himself together. Then he saw the look of sadness and disappointment in Missouri's eyes as she gazed up at him from her kneeling position and he realised that while she may not be a mind reader she had picked up on his evasion,; she had always been able to spot a liar. She gave him a look that seemed to say 'not now, but soon' before returning her attention to Dean who had remained deeply unconscious while he had struggled with his own selfish feelings. His guilt doubled and he pulled himself back to the moment in time to hear both the arrival of the ambulance and Missouri's last minute instructions.

"Now don't forget that from now on Dean is Deborah! I don't want people being confused and thinking we have a pregnant hermaphrodite or something…we don't want to attract the media!"

"Yes Ma'am" they chorused as Caleb opened the door to the paramedics.

'At least that's something I can do right' thought Sam with a sigh as the two men with their equipment bustled past him, 'It isn't like I've been any use so far. How the hell does Dean do it?' he asked himself as the medics began their checks and questions. 'How does he put everything aside and manage to stay cool in a crisis?' He knew that there hadn't been much he could do but Missouri had been the one sitting by his brother's unconscious form, stroking his hair when it should have been him; Caleb had been the one to call for help, when it should have been him and now that the help was here he still hadn't so much as approached his brother let alone been any help…God, what sort of a brother was he!

Caleb backed away from the small group, his concern about getting in the way overriding his need to be near his honorary brother. He noticed Sam standing in the same position he had been occupying from the start and despite his anger at the other man's neglect of Dean he could see immediately from the pale features, pinched expression and haunted eyes that the boy was in shock.

Sam felt an arm come across his shoulders and felt the reassuring squeeze. He turned to see Caleb beside him, worry for Dean etched on his face but also, he thought with some surprise, worry for him too. He almost broke at that but his guilt refused to let tears fall.

"I didn't do anything….I..I let him down."

"You're here Sam, that's enough…it's always been enough."

SpNSpNSpN

"Blood pressure's low…could account for the faint, but she's been unconscious too long."

"Question is did she pass out at the top of the stairs or at the bottom?" replied Mark Green to his partner's observation as he carefully checked for bruises and other obvious signs of injury. The search was complicated by Dean's curled position and their unwillingness to exacerbate any potential spinal injury.

"We'll work on the assumption that she fell and take her out on a back board. She'll need a collar too and I'm not happy about her lack of response. The baby's heartbeat is normal though which is good"

As Phil Clarke went back to the vehicle to get the necessary items and Mark monitored Dean's vitals the others exchanged worried glances. Were they saying that Dean might be paralysed? Or was his comatose state a result of non natural influence? Missouri's stare seemed to bore a hole through Sam but before he could admit to anything Phil had returned and suddenly it was all action and nobody had time for questions or recriminations.

They had been sitting in the waiting area for what seemed like hours. Sam checked the clock and indeed it had been hours…two to be precise. He winced as his nail biting ran out of nail and his teeth sank into flesh. He crossed his arms with his hands tucked in to prevent further self mutilation. If he needed to mutilate anything then Caleb was making himself pretty irresistible right now! After phoning Bobby to tell him of the afternoon's events Caleb had seemed to run out of steam and he now sat in the chair opposite tossing his crumpled machine dispenser coffee cup up and down…up…down…up…down…Sam watched hypnotised and annoyed while Missouri appeared as calm as usual. God he hated waiting! How long could it take to check one small girl? Surely the longer it took the worse it was right? And if the cause was supernatural then they'd find nothing…which would mean they would have been back by now? Or would it mean that they would check harder and it would take longer! Oh God!

"Breathe Sam." Missouri's voice was as calm as ever and it seemed to break through the growing panic she could see building in the younger Winchester. It also interrupted the cup tossing of Caleb….up…down…up…down….Oh well, she supposed that was too much too ask, and at least he wasn't being violent. She wondered if she should send him back to the house to check on the hound…from the howling that accompanied their departure she must have realised that something was very wrong. She immediately vetoed the idea, for now anyway, knowing that there was no way Caleb would leave his 'brother' and she was where she needed to be too. She just wished that she could get a better grasp on what was going on in Sam's head. There was something bothering him besides worry over Dean's fall but Winchester's had always been hard for her to read and Sam was especially difficult due to his own 'talents' Not as impossible as Dean though, who had mental walls that were so tough to get through it gave her a headache to even try.

All thoughts, worries and counting of cup tosses were cast aside as they all rose to their feet at the arrival of Dean's doctor.

Doctor Josephine King watched as the three individuals before her looked at her as though she held the power to destroy their world or make them the happiest people on earth. Even after thirty years in the business that look still both humbled and scared her. She wasn't superwoman and it had taken her years to come to terms with the limitations of her profession. But for all the times she had to give bad news there were also the times that she could make people's worlds right again and the pleasure that gave her made the job doable.

Like now.

"Mr Winchester? Sam Winchester?"

"Y…Yes?" Sam's voice faltered but the smile on the doctor's face had to be a good thing didn't it?

"I understand that Deborah is your sister?" At Sam's nod she invited the trio to sit down.

"Well I won't keep you hanging, I know the long wait must have been difficult for you all" She nodded at each of them and idly wondered if the other man was the baby's father.

"First of all, Deborah has woken up and seems to be no worse mentally for her fall" At their curious looks she confirmed Dean's admission that he had, indeed fallen.

"But he did seem to have a dizzy spell before he fell which, given our findings wasn't that surprising." The others knew better than to interrupt though Caleb wanted to scream to her to get on with it.

"Our first concern for Deborah was that she might have sustained injuries in the fall but scans reveal no spinal damage and other that a small contusion to her head she seems to have escaped any obvious injury. She has full movement now that she has regained consciousness and is already complaining about not being allowed to go home! I take it that's a good thing?" She saw three expressions relax at her comment.

"What about the baby?" Missouri knew it would seem strange if nobody asked. The doctor couldn't be expected to understand that not expecting the pregnancy to survive the reversion they tried not to think of the baby any more than they had to.

"The baby is fine; strong and healthy and developing as it should" Doctor King confirmed.

"Then why did Deborah get dizzy?" asked Sam with more trepidation than any of them knew. There had been nothing said so far that had relieved him of his fear of demonic interference.

"Well that's the crux of the situation. Deborah has developed a condition that while not common in pregnancy is quite well known. She has developed what we call gestational diabetes.

"What!"

"Oh!"

"How?!"

Doctor King was expecting the various reactions from the young man, the older woman and Sam but she put the odd look of what seemed to be relief on the younger brother's face down to a trick of the light.

As they settled down she proceeded to explain what they knew of the condition, that it tended to be hormone related; appeared in the last few months of a pregnancy and cleared up, unlike other forms of diabetes, after birth. They became a little sombre as she detailed the treatment he would need to undergo, the regular glucose monitoring and insulin regime but they were just happy that Dean was going to be okay.

Sam was relieved that his brother's collapse had a natural cause; that although fainting wasn't a common symptom of the high blood sugar levels he had been suffering from, and which had resulted in his excessive thirst and frequent trips to the bathroom it wasn't unknown. His guilt now switched to the thoughts he'd had about Ruby. He should have known that he could trust her!

Dean lay in the hospital bed, his mind trying to come to terms with the latest twist to his life…while the baby inside him shifted contentedly, and the potion did it's work, and did it well…although it played merry hell with a persons hormones.

Ruby sat in her small apartment and began to work out the next stage of her plan. She would need to be extra careful because while Dean being pregnant as a male would keep him off his game it wouldn't stop him from protecting his brother. He would have to be gotten rid of once and for all, but without suspicion falling on her. That was one thing that Sam would never forgive her for. But even in this day and age chidbirth was a risky business…and tragedies occurred all too regularly.

TBC

A/N Bad Ruby! Dean definitely gets his bits back next chapter but will Sam ever admit to his mistake before it's too late or will Ruby continue to be able to fool him with disastrous consequences? Hope you enjoyed. Stay tuned!


	17. Chapter 17

A Year and a Day chapter 17

Disclaimer: Still don't own anything supernatural…Not even a ghost writer, although if I did it might make for faster updates!

A/N You know me by now…not the fastest updater in the world but at least I DO update eventually! I've also been having a little battle of wills with my muse with the result that I've decided to take a slightly different course than I had planned. It doesn't affect the plot any but it took some working out.

A/N 2 Just a little reprise on the timeline in the story in case anyone is confused. Sam set his spell for one year plus one day. After a few chapters I did a time jump to about 7 months into the year; that's when Dean got pregnant. The year is now nearly up which makes Dean 5 months pregnant. Hope that settled any confusion.

A/N 3 Also, in response to a query - Ruby's potion anchored the baby to Dean so that it would survive the re-embodiment process in the hopes that the distraction would leave Sam vulnerable to her schemes. The diabetes was not caused by the potion - Dean was already showing signs of it (like increased thirst) but it was the potion that made him collapse. The diabetes has masked the effect of the potion so nobody realises what she has done & Sam is blissfully ignorant of her machinations (silly boy)

And apologies if you reviewed and didn't get a reply. After earlier problems saving (and losing) my reply addresses I switched to a less computerized method which is far more reliable…..unfortunately I lost the piece of paper I scribbled them down on….sorry, but I did appreciate your comments very much. Dean & Sam are quite hard to write so I'm glad that you're enjoying. Anyway no more delay because Dean gets his bits back this chapter.

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"We need to get him out of here today."

"Sam, you heard the doctor, they want to keep 'Deborah' in for another couple of days…this diabetes thing ain't nothing to mess around with." Bobby's voice held all the tiredness he was feeling after all the drama of the past couple of days; hell, the past few months, he corrected himself as he roughly rubbed a calloused hand across his eyes.

"Yeah but in a couple of days there won't be anything to mess around with, or have you forgotten!" Sam snapped as he paced the small corner of the hospital restaurant that they had commandeered.

"Already!?" asked Bobby, his voice one of bemused wonderment. His inquiry crossed Missouri's sharp "Sam!" in rebuke at his tone.

"Sorry Ma'am…Sorry Bobby" Sam ducked his head and shrugged as he forced himself to reign in his impatience and worry.

Bobby sighed. "It's okay kid, we'll all feeling a little antsy. I just didn't realize that it was so soon. How long we got exactly?"

Sam shrugged again as he admitted

"Two, maybe three days."

"How can you not be sure Sam? Didn't you time the ritual exactly to a year and a day?" Missouri knew that these things had to be calculated exactly to avoid problems.

"Well yes, but whether Dean comes back at the stroke of midnight that marks the 'day' or before midnight of that extra day I don't know. I just wanted to make sure that there were no loopholes left dangling for the crossroads demon to exploit."

Bobby noted the defensiveness in the younger brother's tone and winced. This was taking it's toll on him more than most, and yet the older hunter couldn't help but think that there was something else bothering Sam. It was a worry but he pushed it to one side for now; they already had enough to worry about what with this new development and all.

"It's okay Sam" he soothed, "we understand and I'm sure Dean does too."

Sam's smirk and raised eyebrows at that comment broke the tension and Bobby huffed in amusement. They all knew perfectly well that the only thing on Dean's mind at the moment was getting the hell out of the hospital.

Dean sat on the edge of his bed, his features the epitome of patience, his hands clasped lightly in his lap. His body showed nothing but serenity. His mind, however, had already come up with several painful and innovative methods of showing his displeasure if the next unlucky person to step through the door didn't carry his release papers in their hand. He spared a swift glance at the muted TV in the corner of the room and glared at the antics of the fabric softener demon. Every damn time he landed up in hospital that creature followed him and nobody would ever convince him of it's innocence…..one day…..

His glare returned to the door and impaled the poor nurse who walked through. She knew that she shouldn't be intimidated by a girl who was smaller than she was but nurse Williams had the oddest feeling that the petite and pregnant blond was more dangerous than she looked. Must be the hormones she thought as she smiled tentatively and ignored the suspicious growling noise coming from the angelic features as she prepared to take a blood glucose test. 'Please God, she thought, let it be good enough to get her out of here.'

Sam and Bobby sighed at the pale faced nurse as she hurried past them. Yep, Dean was definitely ready to get the hell out of Dodge Bobby mused as they entered the room to find Dean tugging on his clothes with all the practised speed of a person used to making half dressed getaways… usually from young ladies' bedroom windows.

Seeing the two men Dean clutched his shirt to his chest and gave a high pitched squeak - a sound that he would later deny to his dying day having ever made - a look of indignation accompanied the alleged sound before the more Dean-like glare settled on features not quite made for it.

"Don't you ever knock!?"

"Sorry Sis'" Sam's grin went unseen as he ducked to avoid the incoming missile which was decidedly shoe shaped.

SpNSpNSpN

Dean had always wanted to make his Dad proud. That was one of the reasons he had put aside childish fantasies of what he wanted to be when he grew up. The only theoretically achievable dream he had held onto was to be a fireman. That dream had died when he was eight - the day after his father had placed a gun in his hands and told him what his life's mission would be. And he hadn't questioned it because he had wanted to protect his brother; he had wanted his father to be proud. Silly fantasies were no match for that need, that ambition, so they had to go.

Still… just now and then, over the years, he had indulged himself in harmless daydreams while performing monotonous tasks including his ultimate fantasy - well ultimate non R rated fantasy - Dean the rock star, complete with world-wide fame, outrageous riders and celebrity stalker.

Hah! Beware what you wish for because although he was still totally non-famous, except perhaps to the FBI and the inhabitants of the lower levels of hell, he had achieved the dubious honour of being stalked. Day and night, everywhere he went - or rather, was allowed to go. Honestly, he had more freedom in the hospital! And to add insult to injury not one of his stalkers was cute. Though to hear some misguided females talk his floppy haired, lantern jawed sasquatch of a brother had that quality. He couldn't see it himself and he supposed that if he could then they'd both be in big trouble! And as for his other stalkers, Bobby and Caleb were hardly God's gift. What they most definitely were, however, was persistent. They had stuck to him like glue from the moment he tasted the fresh air outside the hospital. And it wasn't just their normal protectiveness, though Lord knew that was bad enough. No, it was like they were waiting to spot a rare endangered species in a remote jungle; there was a horrible sense of expectation in the air. And, of course, Missouri was alternately scolding them for crowding him and then swooping in with glucose monitors that looked like something out of the Matrix, and herbal potions that would do Severus Snape proud.

It was driving him crazy.

He understood it. Knew that he would have done the same thing in their place and he loved them to bits for it….

But it was driving him insane! And if he did manage to escape their not so evil clutches he knew who would be waiting out there for him. He had hoped that during the last few weeks the demon bitch would have given herself away somehow. Had even hoped that whatever had made him collapse could have been down to her, letting Sam see the light. Unfortunately the idiot's misplaced faith was still in place. That he could still have faith in people despite their upbringing was good but why her!? He didn't want to tell Sam about her part in arranging his rape but if he didn't see some sense soon he might not have a choice. It might make Sam hate him but if he cut her off at least Sam would be safe. Dean's greatest fear, however, was that he would take her word, take her side. He wasn't sure that he could live with that. But she wouldn't get him, even if Sammy chose her she would die before he would allow her to get his brother's soul.

He supposed he should be thankful that whatever her plans were - and it was obvious, at least to him and anyone else with two brain cells to rub together, that she did have some major evil in mind. No demon would spend this long on a scheme if it didn't have one hell of a pay check at the end of it - whatever that pay check would be she obviously hadn't had time to put it into action. Which was good because with his own personal world turned upside down by his well meaning brother he hadn't been able to give her his full attention. At least that would change soon, which also meant that she would be forced to up her own timetable. Things would get more dangerous now, move faster but without the pregnancy and the limitations of his smaller, weaker body he would once again be up to the task. His hand moved without conscious thought to his abdomen as it had so often these past weeks. He pushed back the feelings of loss. Everyone kept telling him that it wasn't real, probably to spare him the grief that had, despite their best efforts begun to build ….but it was real, at least to him. He shook his head in denial of his feelings. The family he already had were all that mattered now. Except Deborah was family, or would have been if he hadn't been born, and she would one day have had a baby of her own. So what was going to happen to them? Had they been brought into being only to die? And if they died would they go to heaven or would his year of possession tarnished her soul too badly for that? And would the baby even register as a blip on the cosmos or just vanish completely? It was not the first time he had asked himself these questions; indeed they had haunted him all year but this wasn't him versus a werewolf or an angry spirit; this was something he couldn't fight…it just hurt that no-one seemed to really understand, except perhaps Caleb for some strange reason. In fact Caleb often understood him better than he did himself. And for all the unexpected consequences he still didn't regret selling his soul for Sammy's life. He hadn't wanted to go to hell - had been scared shitless- but it was preferable to having another two innocent souls 'deaths' on his conscience. He had even hoped that by sacrificing himself for Sam he could redeem himself over at least one of the people who had died when he should have, especially Layla who had deserved the healing so much more than he did. And he had failed dismally yet again. And if failure were an achievement then give the boy a kewpie doll! Missouri and Bobby understood to some extent too, at least they understood that he was being torn to pieces by the whole thing every bit as much as if the hellhounds had gotten to him a year ago. but they weighed what he felt against what they thought was better for him and he loved them for that caring but it still left him isolated…

And then there was Sam. To Sam the baby was some sort of collateral damage of the spell and Deborah was a tool to save his big brother's soul. And as sweet and caring as Sam usually was, when his family was at stake or revenge was to be taken, he could be as ruthless as Dad. And to put Ruby's feelings before both his and Deborah's was just plain madness. That's what love does to a guy he supposed - and the thought of Sam actually being in love with the bitch was enough to want him to scrub his brains out with soap - Dean sighed deeply; he could feel a thinking headache coming on. Unfortunately Missouri seemed to have a radar where things like that were concerned and if he wasn't careful….

His heart sank at the knock on his bedroom door. Damn!

"Dean sweetie, can I come in? I've brewed you a nice herbal tea…

'Double damn!'

SpNSpNSpN

Sam knocked gently on the bedroom door and when he received no reply peeked into the room. He smiled happily at what he saw. Dean was sleeping peacefully and soon it would really be Dean curled up on the bed. It had been a long and stressful year as had the year before that but soon everything would be back to normal, or what passes for normal in the world of the Winchesters, Life could be really normal again… If Sam played it right he could go back to uni and Dean could get some sort of job nearby and maybe even Ruby would settle down, she had hinted as much, and he would have everything he ever dreamed of….. His thoughts continued down the rosy spectacled path that Ruby had painted for him earlier after they had…well after anyway. And she had been so gracious to accept his apology for doubting her. The relief he had felt when Dean had been diagnosed with gestational diabetes was all consuming and he only felt a twinge of guilt at being relieved that Dean was ill, after all the baby would disappear in a day or so anyway. It wasn't as though it were real. He winced at his own callousness. He felt sometimes that he was caught between a rock and a hard place. When he was with Dean, or Ruby was away from them he felt Dean's pain over the baby and wanted nothing more to protect them both and yet when with Ruby he could only see that they stood in the way of everything he had ever dreamed of. He didn't want to be selfish but it wasn't as though he wanted anything that most people didn't take for granted. Like Ruby had said Dean was just scared of a normal life because he had never had one…and Sam could give him that, Dean deserved that. They had both made enough sacrifices and it was time they caught a break. Ruby had even pointed out that they could all go hunting on weekends so it wasn't as though Dean would be deprived of his regular spot of violence.

Deep down, even without the little voice in his head, Sam knew that this line of thought was deeply flawed but he was just so tired of it all. He wanted his life back; he didn't want to end up like his father had, dying for a revenge that wouldn't ever bring their mom back, alone, nearly friendless and essentially homeless. He didn't want that for himself and he didn't want it for Dean either. And while his older brother had never succumbed to the lure of bitter retribution in all other areas he was too close to repeating their father's mistakes. And he knew beyond a doubt that he, too, would follow down the path. So if dragging Dean away now while he was vulnerable seemed a little unfair he would do it anyway. Dean would adjust and adapt as he always did. He would learn to fit into a society that he had always stood on the periphery of; guarding, defending and preserving that society without ever becoming a part of it. And he, too, would learn to love normal.

Sam suspected that his last thread of thought was where the flaw lay…he cut the doubt off before it could gnaw at him. Yes, it was time to put what he wanted for his family first.

'When did you ever do anything else?'

God! He hated that damn voice!

SpNSpNSpN

If he had possessed the physical form or the expressive capability Castiel would have adopted a self-satisfied expression. This, admittedly, wasn't the original mission he had been scheduled for but it was rewarding nonetheless. He wasn't sure just what may have come to pass had the deal with the crossroads demon gone ahead but Michael had looked decidedly relieved at the abortion of the existing plans and Michael had seen it all in his time. If it were bad enough to worry the Archangel then it would have been bad indeed. Still this new mission was hardly…how did humans put it?…ah, yes. A piece of cake. If that demon in girl's clothing had her way and if Samuel's hormones won out over his blood and his brains then the outlook for his charge, for Dean, could prove to be very bleak indeed.

SpNSpNSpN

Ruby couldn't help but think that her day had gone very well indeed. She didn't know why she hadn't thought of it before. Perhaps she had been rendered brainless from watching all that daytime TV while waiting for Sammy to come to his senses. Not that she could complain since she had culled her latest idea straight from a soap storyline…well without the pay-off of eternal hell and the end of human rule of the earth though it would no doubt have perked up the show's ratings. Normal. It all came down to normal. Violence had never succeeded in splitting the Winchesters up and neither had hate or tragedy. The nearest the small family had ever come to meltdown was when Sammy had attempted to live the Joe Normal life. She sighed with pleasure; just reliving the moment when Sam's post-coital ramblings had echoed that stupid TV plotline and the idea had blossomed inside her very bored brain was enough to give her an orgasm. It would mean more waiting and less violence…for now anyway…but at the end of the road she would have Sam and maybe even the baby. After all whatever the plan Dean's death was always the grand finale. But with her as Mommy dearest and Sam her dark …very dark, prince the child would make a perfect heir. Her dynasty would last for ever. She picked up the phone to order take-out - one of the few human inventions she would allow to survive after she seized power. As she waited for her call to be answered she laughed softly at the gullibility of the youngest Winchester. If he was stupid enough to believe that a born hunter could ever settle down in suburbia then he deserved everything that his brother was going to get - yes, it had been a very good day indeed.

SpNSpNSpN

They all knew that nothing would happen until tomorrow. Dean knew that too. It was a fact. A year and a day, and tomorrow was that extra day. Any time after midnight tomorrow he would become himself again.

Fuck!

Dean tried to slow his suddenly erratic breathing. It was going to happen soon; no matter what should or should not be this was going down today. 'Trust Sammy to get his numbers wrong. Maths was never his strong suit' was the thought that flashed through Dean's mind as he opened his mouth to call for help.

He froze. He couldn't do it. Just the thought of all those people hovering around him and the panic because the 'Hunter aware' doctor that Bobby had arranged to come and oversee the proceedings wouldn't be able to make it in time made him feel ill. He needed to get away, to face this like he had faced so many other traumatic situations…alone.

But he was screwed. He didn't want an audience yet he didn't want to be alone; and God forgive him because the person he wanted with him least of all was his own brother. He didn't want Sam to see the devastation on his face when the baby 'died' or have to live with the self-imposed and totally pointless guilt if he died during the transfer. It wasn't likely but it was still a possibility and he wasn't going to take the chance…And if he was to be honest he also didn't want to see the relief on his brother's face when the two 'people' who had become such a large part of him simply vanished like a mirage in a desert.

Feeling time slipping away too quickly he picked up his cell phone and texted the one person he could trust to put his needs and feelings before their own. The one person who knew him better than his own brother…

"D'you think I should check up on him?" Sam glanced up at the ceiling as he spoke, his fingers receiving a sharp slap as they drifted towards his mouth, his already bitten nails heading for another session.

"No." Missouri's voice was gentle but firm. Her expression, however, revealed her exasperation. It was not the first time that question had been asked during the afternoon.

"Let him get as much rest as he can." added Bobby as he looked up from his tome on demonology. "You said yourself that nothing could happen until tomorrow night at the earliest and when it does it's gonna be rough on him, so let him relax while he can.

Caleb frowned from his position at the dining table, an oily rag in his hand and a gleaming Glock in front of him. "Nobody said that the change from boy to girl had hurt."

"It didn't" confirmed Sam quickly. Caleb could be a little too protective of Dean.

"Only because you drugged him into insensibility."

"Way to help Bobby" muttered Sam almost inaudibly as Caleb's frown deepened.

"And he has the added burden of the loss of the baby and not knowing what will happen to the soul he is inhabiting." Missouri didn't pull her punches as she added her opinion. She could see by the look of hurt on the boy's face, however, that he had taken her comment as some sort of personal criticism. She sighed; now was not the time for self absorbed angst.

"I did what I had to do to save Dean. Should I have let him go to hell!? Should I be sad that the tool I used to save him is going to disappear, like Cinderella's pumpkin? Or that a child that was never going to be born isn't going to be born. And by the way I can hardly be held responsible for my brother's raging hormones and uncontrollable sex drive! Surely it's Dean that's important…"

"Shhhh." Bobby's sharp admonition at Sam's raised voice deflated the younger man's growing tirade. Bobby sent a warning glance Caleb's way. The last thing they needed was for the other hunter to lose it and reveal the truth behind the pregnancy.

Sam felt hurt. Why should he be cast as the villain in all this. Perhaps Ruby had been right when she had said that they didn't want either him or Dean to have a normal life - after all there were few enough hunters around and to lose two of the best would be a blow. He loved his honorary family but he was becoming more and more sure that it was THEM being selfish, and their attitude was confusing Dean and Dean was easily confused, even without the XX chromosomes. He winced as the voice in his head snorted in either humour or disgust…it was hard to tell; and was your subconscious supposed to be disgusted with you…his headache was coming back.

Caleb watched as Sam downed a couple of advil. He still hadn't made up his mind whether to give the brat a good smack or not. Fortunately, at least for Sam, his phone began to vibrate capturing his attention. He pulled it from his pocket and read the text message. He kept his face impassive as he stood up to leave.

"Gotta go."

"Where?"

"Is something wrong? Is it a hunt?"

Sam and Bobby asked their questions simultaneously, both almost desperate to find something, anything to break both the tension and the inactivity. Missouri remained silent but she caught Caleb's eye and he received a tiny nod of acknowledgement and understanding.

"It's not work" Caleb casually informed the curious duo, it being obvious that Missouri had sensed…or guessed the truth. He hoped that they bought the casual attitude because in reality he just wanted to snatch up his jacket and hightail it out of the house. "Just an old college friend up for a few drinks and some reminiscing while they're in town.""Do we know him…or her. Are they in the business?" Sam hoped his desperation for something to distract him from his own thoughts hadn't been too obvious but was disappointed both by Caleb's smirk and his reply.

"Nope…she…and again, no." Caleb gave them a wolfish grin before hooking Georgia up to her leash. The hound was already getting nervous and if left behind when Dean made his escape would soon give the alert with her panic.

"You're taking a dog on a date?!" Bobby figured that dating habits must have changed drastically since he was Caleb's age.

"She loves animals. It'll be a good ice-breaker…and it's not a date, yet." Caleb made a hasty exit before the others recovered.

SpNSpNSpN

Dean made a mental note to himself that if he ever found himself pregnant again he would never attempt to climb out of windows or scale trees. He glared at the positioning of Caleb's oh so helpful hands and thanked God he wasn't wearing a skirt.

"Where to?"

Dean was grateful that Caleb trusted him enough to not ask too many questions.

"Any motel nearby…I don't have too long left."

"You wanna re-phrase that?" Caleb's tone was light but there was no disguising the fear behind his tease. "Sam said……shit!" Caleb banged the steering wheel in frustration as he swore but he knew there was no point in making a fuss. Part of him wanted nothing more than to turn around and hand over the responsibility to Bobby or Missouri but he also understood why Dean wanted to slink off like a wounded animal. He turned in at the motel sign. What was the point of going back anyway. Without the doctor there was nothing they could do that he couldn't.

Georgia sat quietly on the back seat. She could sense that something was not right yet confusingly that nothing was wrong. Humans were indeed confusing… but at least they had a ready supply of food, and it didn't struggle when you bit into it.

SpNSpNSpN

It had been just over an hour since they had checked in and after a hot shower for Dean and a meat feast pizza for Caleb and Georgia Dean had given in to the all consuming exhaustion and lethargy. He lay back on the bed and listened as Caleb regaled him with some of the taller of his tales of hunts past. He knew that his fellow hunter was exaggerating since he had been on half the same hunts himself.

"Caleb?"

"What bro? You need something?" Caleb could hear the tremor in the soft voice but didn't call him on it…hell he was scared shitless himself!

"Just wondering if the spinning walls come as standard with the room or you had to pay extra."

"Shit!"

Neither man noticed the exact moment when time froze them in mid breath but Dean had a clue that something was up when he found himself, still in female form, standing in a white room…a white room about the size of Arkansas. He refused to acknowledge the fluffy white clouds above him but inside the room or the significance of the fluffy white wings on the good looking man standing in front of him. He winced at his feminine observation. Checking out guys was one thing among many that he wouldn't miss when he changed back……of course if the man was what he looked like then it was more than possible that he had somehow died during the change. He felt a stab of sorrow for Deborah and for the baby but also for Sammy who he knew would blame himself. On the heels of that sorrow came regret that he wouldn't be able to take care of his brother and protect him from Ruby….And where was this place anyway? It looked a little sterile for heaven and if it was heaven then what the he.., heck was he doing here. He was pretty sure that this wasn't his final destination…that was a great movie but the sequels were a bit lame…

Castiel waited as his charge's thoughts flitted from one subject to another…half of which he either didn't understand and didn't want to understand. As those thoughts seemed to wander a little too far off course Castiel spoke.

"It is your imagination that creates this place and gives me form."

'Okay, now that's not normal' Dean thought nervously as he became even more convinced that he had, indeed, died.

"You are not dead." The voice was even and soft but anyone accustomed to the speech patterns of angels would easily detect a hint of exasperation.

"And you think too much." the voice added.

'Never been accused of OVER thinking before' Dean mused. "I'm not dead?" The angel shook his head, no.

"But I'm in heaven?"

"No"

"Then…?"

"You are in the in-between place."

"Limbo?" 'That made sense' he thought.

"No"

'Or maybe not' Dean corrected himself. He could feel a headache coming on…could you have an out-of-body headache?

"However the term will suffice." Castiel was starting to feel nostalgic for the inside of Sam's head, at least the melancholy thoughts were well ordered.

"So…Limbo lite…why?" Dean wondered if the angel dude had too much cloud fluff between his celestial ears because some explanation would be good about now, Caleb would be going crazy with worry and the other guys would find them eventually..

"Time holds no sway until I will it."

"You do know that poking about in people's minds is not polite…right?"

The angel remained impassive but being lectured on politeness by Dean Winchester was an irony that hadn't passed him by..

"My apologies" he replied humbly. "Thought and word are as one to me. No disrespect was intended."

Dean shrugged as though indifferent but he winced inside; not being able to shut people out must be a bitch. "Must be tough" he confirmed in speech, appreciating the angel allowing him at least the illusion of privacy of his mental meanderings.

"One adjusts - your innermost thoughts are still untouched, only your surface thoughts are clear to me."

Dean nodded. That was something he supposed.

"So, again…why?"

Castiel didn't need further elucidation. "It is time to return that which was taken…and also given."

'Well the first part is easy…way to go soul stealer Sammy! - he couldn't have asked first? But given? What had Sam given…please God not another deal!' He didn't bother trying to hide the thought, after all he wanted answers from whatever his name was.

"Castiel."

"Huh?"

"My name is Castiel. And do not fear. A special allowance was made for Samuel. No-one takes from the Father without his blessing. And his need was great. As for what was given…"

Castiel held out his hand and in his palm glowed an intensely bright orb of light. It pulsed gently and Castiel looked upon it with a fond smile.

"And that would be?" But Dean already knew…'holding dimension my ass!'

"It was the closest interpretation that your brother could make but he should have realised that whatever comes from the Father returns to the Father. Only once returned after death shall a soul be judged."

"Oh." Wasn't a lot you could say to that thought Dean. He had to admit that it was a bit brighter than he'd imagined but he could see darker patches which he supposed were his sins.

Castiel smiled a genuinely delighted smile. "Not many would acknowledge their own darkness Dean Winchester. You are correct…and also you are not correct."

"Well, glad you cleared that up!"

Castiel was used to the hunter's sarcasm by now and ignored the comment. "The light indicates purity while the dark shows what humans call sin. It does not, however, differentiate between righteous and true sin. You are a warrior and as such not all your sins have been for your own gain but to protect the innocence of others."

"I would have thought that selling my soul would have darkened it to jet black. Just because we avoided collection…"

Castiel shook his head and his face was inhumanly kind.

"You sacrificed your soul for the life of your brother."

"I couldn't live without him - I was selfish." Dean was determined that the angel know the truth. He had spent most of his life being economic with the truth but not here, not now.

"You were human. Being human is not a sin. God knows your heart and He knows that you made the choice for the right reasons.

Dean brushed away a traitorous tear…'Damn hormones. Time to change the subject'

"What about Deborah? Will she cease to exist? Or will she die? And what about the baby?

The angel knew that they were now at the crux of Dean's fears. The fate of the innocents. He would not make him wait any longer.

"Firstly, the child's destiny has already been written by the actions of others. It is not in the power of the Father to interfere until the appropriate time" Seeing Dean's face contort into a confused yet angry scowl he reassured the young hunter. "I know that this is confusing to you but clarity will come soon."

Dean nodded, his features slipping into resignation. He figured that the angel didn't want to be the bearer of bad news.

As to the fate of the soul called into being by Samuel and now named Deborah, she cannot go to heaven as a righteous soul…"

Dean's heart sank and it was all he could do not to fall to the ground…he had failed.

Castiel couldn't help but think that humans had the most annoying habit of jumping to conclusions! He forged ahead regardless.

"Because she was never born and she never died."

Just as a question began to form on his lips Dean drew in a deep breath as a sudden wrenching pain shot through his body. He felt as though he were both sinking and flying while standing still. As his eyesight cleared from it's sudden blurry state he realised that he was himself once again and a new orb was held in Castiel's hand. This one glowed so bright that he couldn't look at it directly. He looked to the angel instead. He didn't notice the slight bump about his abdomen and he wouldn't until Castiel willed it.

"Thanks for the warning!" Dean blinked rapidly as his eyes watered.

"I thought, like a band-aid it was better to do it quickly."

Dean ignored the slight smirk that accompanied the angel's words and instead pointed to the incandescent glow.

"Is that…?"

"Yes. You looked after her well Dean. The purity is total."

Dean frowned. "But the…the rape?" He bowed his head in humiliation at his failure to defend Deborah's virtue.

"You were a victim. A victim is never judged for the crime of the perpetrator."

Dean's own soul felt a little lighter at that absolution. "What happens to her now?"

Castiel's smile rivalled the wattage of Times Square at Christmas as he cast the orb into the air. Dean risked his eyes to follow the orb's trail as it soared upward. Just before it hit the clouds it regained it's human form. and Dean looked upon the face he had been staring at in his mirror for the past twelve months…only with one addition…

Wings.

"She…she's…a…" Dean's words failed him as Deborah smiled down at him and then vanished into the clouds. At that moment a joyous peal of bells rang out welcoming a new member of the heavenly host.

"Samuel gave her life but you made that life eternal Dean Winchester. Only a pure soul not born of man can join the angelic host. The Father is well pleased."

It was the last thing Dean heard before he felt himself spinning once again.

"Dean…Dean dude come on, you're scaring me here bro."

Dean opened his eyes to be greeted with the worried features of his surrogate brother and a happy woof from Georgia who looked a little confused that his girl/not girl was now a boy but didn't seem to mind.

"Good to have you back little brother. I must have passed out too because I missed the great transformation."

"I am not litt…" At the mental picture that particular tease brought to his mind Dean's eyes flew wide and he lifted the sheet covering his once again male body to confirm that nothing had been left behind.

He sighed with relief as he checked out the boys…all present and correct. He heard Caleb chuckle but his attention had already been drawn to the large white feather laying on his slightly rounded belly. So it hadn't been a dream. His smile froze as the significance in the roundness of said belly sank in.

"Look!" Wide green eyes locked onto Caleb's startled ones.

"No offence dude but as much as I love ya I hardly think that…." Caleb's reply died as Dean let the thin sheet fall back down onto his body and the outline of his stomach was brought into view.

Caleb stared. It was a bump….it was a baby bump.

"Oh boy!"

TBC

A/N Well the wait may have been longer than usual but I hope that the longer than usual chapter makes up for it. Hope you enjoyed.


	18. Chapter 18

A Year and a Day chapter 18

Disclaimer: Own the boys? No way - I like to keep my monsters in the closet thank you! They'd be battling them all over the living room.

A/N Don't ask…just don't ask….No I haven't been gone so long for some dramatic reason I just don't want you to ask because I don't have any excuse. I simply got distracted.

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"Oh man! I mean are you sure it's not just…I mean from what I can see it's only a little bump, it could be…" Caleb broke off with a gulp at the glare he was receiving from his best friend.

"Are you calling me fat?"

Caleb noted with apprehension that it was the same tone of voice Dean used on assorted soon to be salted and burned fuglies. He wondered if a few of Dean's girl hormones had hung around after the change.

"NO! No, I just…"

Deciding that her human, oddly changed though he was, needed her support Georgia jumped onto the bed and, standing over her charge growled softly at Caleb. She didn't really want to attack her human's pack mate…he was in charge of the pizza supply after all…but she would do whatever was necessary to defend her alpha.

Dean smirked and rubbed between Georgia's ears as Caleb paled slightly shaking his head vigorously.

"No, no, absolutely not… looking as good as ever there bro' Positively glowing…though in an entirely masculine way of course!" he added rapidly as the smirk was joined by a dangerous glint in the green eyes.

Deciding to sidestep the issue Caleb, with a certainty born of many years of calming Dean Winchester did the one thing that was guaranteed never to fail. He picked up the phone to order pizza.

While they waited for their order to arrive Dean filled Caleb in on his out of body experience and it's consequences.

"An Angel! A fricken Angel! Damn!" Caleb laughed and ran a slightly unsteady hand across his scalp. "I don't know why I'm so shocked; I mean we deal with stuff that isn't supposed to be real every day. I don't even blink twice at werewolves and restless spirits anymore… But a real live Angel? That's just awesome!"

Caleb's kid at Christmas expression made Dean want to laugh but he couldn't deny that he, too, had been overwhelmed. It was strange to think that they had no trouble at all believing in evil but had never really had much faith in the existence of the other side of the coin.

"And Deborah, or rather the potential Deborah, is an Angel now?"

Dean nodded, his relief at her salvation writ large on his face. "I watched her ascend, it was pretty awesome."

Caleb had at least a hundred other questions but they went unasked as both men froze at the sound of screeching tyres and a powerful yet very familiar engine's roar dying abruptly as a car pulled up outside their room, followed by a less impressive sounding vehicle which they reckoned was probably the pizza delivery.

Dean and Caleb looked frantically round the clean but standard motel room and found that the saying 'nowhere to run and nowhere to hide' had never rung truer. Not that running would be an option right now thought Dean as a wave of tiredness washed over him.

"Gotta face the music little brother." Caleb's tone was an interesting mix of fatalistic and fearful as they waited for their friends and family to intimidate their room number from the desk clerk.

"Yeah, but how bad can it get anyway?"

Caleb snorted at Dean's question. It was Sam and Missouri… that was about as bad as you could get in the 'I'm gonna make you feel guilty enough to want to beg forgiveness on your hands and knees' or 'I'm going to mother hen you to death and beyond' stakes.

The door suddenly flew open and both occupants automatically checked the salt line across the doorway. It never hurt to be cautious.

Bobby, first through the door snorted as he witnessed the in built response but before he could say anything Sam had barged past him and was standing in what Dean privately thought of as his 'wrath of God pose'.

"Hey Sammy, long time no see… me!"

Dean's throwaway comment and bright smile just made Sam scowl even more ferociously as he turned to Caleb without bothering to reply to his brother and asked their fellow hunter

"Possible date huh? Old friend? Animal lover?"

Caleb merely shrugged unapologetically. Dean had needed him, that had been all he needed to know.

"Dean honey, it's wonderful to see you back to yourself. How are you feeling?" Missouri's look managed to ensure that Sam got the point as she said what he should have said after his brother's transformation.

Sam blushed at Missouri's subtle rebuke and shuffled his feet nervously as he finally took in the sight he had waited a year to see… though he still couldn't figure out what had happened to the extra day. He took in the familiar features, the deep green eyes and the little flourish of freckles. It was Dean alright, a little paler than normal but he looked pretty much the same as he had in that other motel room a year ago… although come to think of it there was something quite shifty in his brother's expression…something wasn't quite right, Dean was never nervous.

"I'm fine" Dean answered Missouri's question. It was an answer that was uttered with total honesty and sincerity coating each syllable and so, of course, considering that she was dealing with Dean Winchester, she didn't believe it for one single second but she also knew better than to try and persuade him to reveal the truth so she concentrated her extra sense on the boy before her. Dean had always been the most difficult Winchester to 'read' but she had never suffered the psychic version of 'double vision' with him before either. In fact she only usually experienced a presence echo when dealing with….. Her eyes widened in shock, and it wasn't in reaction to the pathetic antics of the overgrown puppy trying to wheedle pizza from Bobby who had intercepted the pizza delivery boy. Bobby, for his part, didn't dare move for fear of triggering Sam's temper, Dean and Caleb's flight response or Georgia's pizza hunting instincts… he wasn't sure whether the dog could tell the difference between pepperoni and fingers. He did, however, catch the look of shock on Missouri's face and shivered, that woman didn't shock easily.

"Oh Dean, sweetheart!"

Sam's gaze shot instantly to Missouri at the emotion in her voice, both concern and wonder vying for dominance. He took a closer look at Dean who had the look of a startled meerkat and was pulling the sheets around himself like a virgin on her wedding night. His eyes searched for what could have surprised the older woman. There didn't seem to be anything, he thought as his eyes drifted over his brother's form. He made to look away when his eyes caught an anomaly in Dean's silhouette.

"NO FUCKING WAY!!"

"Oh boy!" Caleb whispered as he moved closer to Dean. Georgia too returned to her position of guardian, all thought of pizza gone…well almost. She licked her lips at the prospect of finally being able to take a bite out of the big, angry dark/not dark one.

Dean's first instinct was to run but fatigue and the fact that the T-shirt that had been big and long enough to fully cover his girl sized frame as a nightshirt was now normal size again and he didn't fancy giving Missouri a flash of his newly returned parts; so with his first choice unavailable he resorted to sneakier tactics to avoid a Sammy lecture - one of epic proportions if the rather nasty purple hue gracing the normally golden tanned skin was anything to go by. It wasn't something that he would normally resort to but for big problems you needed to bring out the big guns. And problems didn't come much bigger than six feet five of hormonal emo bomb.

"Missouri… I don't feel so good." Well at least it was true Dean rationalized as he proved to all in the room that Sam wasn't the only one who could do puppy dog eyes. And if he were to be honest with himself it was starting to worry him a little so he didn't really mind being fussed over a little. Fussing motherly types beat angry brother any day.

Missouri, who was not that easily fooled, raised an eyebrow while Sam scowled. Neither had bought the con but Missouri saw straight past the act to the sheen of sweat and shallow rapid breathing before her.

"Out of my way Samuel" she ordered as she opened her bag and withdrew Dean's blood glucose monitor. Bobby and Caleb, who had remained uncharacteristically silent, exchanged looks of concern. Sam's intended retort died on his lips as he watched Missouri administer a blood test.

"Well honey, the baby wasn't the only thing you kept as a souvenir!" The woman's dark eyes twinkled with sympathetic amusement as she squeezed his hand reassuringly.

"We can't take him to the hospital! He'll end up on the front page of The National Enquirer!" Sam's expression was almost comical as he imagined having to explain how his pregnant brother needed treatment for his gestational diabetes.

"Idiot!" grumbled Dean as he pointed toward Bobby. "I don't need a hospital, I need a coke and THAT"

Bobby stared uncomprehendingly at the pointing finger and automatically looked behind himself to see what Dean was pointing at before realising that he was holding the rapidly cooling pizza.

"Oh! Right, here guys" he handed over the pie and moved to the door. "I'll get drinks, there's a vending machine just outside."

Bobby left rapidly, glad to be free of the tension filled room for a few moments.

Back in the room Georgia accepted her slice of pizza with a huff. A piece of the dark/not dark boy would have been better but gooey meaty stuff would do for now.

SpNSpNSpN

They made it back to the house without too much trouble although Dean had the uncomfortable feeling that everyone was waiting for the baby to burst through his stomach like something from Alien. And he was pretty sure that that would not happen…pretty sure, at least for now anyway.

Dean was soon wrapped up in blankets like an Egyptian mummy and settled on the couch in front of the fire. It all seemed quite caring but by the glint in Missouri's eyes he suspected that he hadn't been returned to his bedroom because she didn't trust him and he was immobilised in blankets to make any getaway attempt more difficult. He was a little hurt that she had so little confidence in his honesty when he'd promised on the way home 'not to pull any more fool stunts' … okay, so he was actually annoyed that she knew him so well!

He watched as the others pretended to get on with their normal activities, walking Georgia, doing chores or researching but he knew that they were really just waiting for Missouri to give the go-ahead to interrogate him on the days events. They had already tried prising the information from Caleb but the hunter had simply brushed them off with 'not my story to tell' Finally deciding that, like ripping off a band-aid, it was best to get it over with as quickly as possible Dean exchanged a go-ahead look with his self appointed nursemaid and soon all were gathered round eagerly. It made him want to light a bonfire and tell ghost stories while toasting smores. He chuckled at the mental image which led Missouri to wonder if she'd given permission too soon.

"Okay let's get this show on the road" Dean declared tiredly. "And no interruptions till I finish" He directed that last comment straight at his brother, his tone one of uncompromising authority. Sam, as always, simply rolled his eyes and made a hurry up gesture.

They were impressed. Dean could tell that much. They gasped at the revelation of the existence of Angels and smiled at the description of Deborah's ascendancy, he even spotted Bobby wiping away a tear but chose to ignore the action in the spirit of male solidarity. Missouri had no such compunction and handed the grizzled hunter a handful of paper tissues, keeping some to wipe away her own tears of joy.

As Dean finished his tale Sam's mind was in freefall. He had stolen a soul from heaven! Well, okay, Dean had said that the Angel had reassured him that there would be no comebacks, but still…and God had been keeping Dean's soul safe these twelve months! Sam almost snickered at the thought of Dean Winchester in heaven and wondered if he had had a halo. And then a sudden thought occurred to him…

"It's a crock…It's all complete rubbish."

Dean, who had managed to free most of his upper body from the cocoon of blankets to drink the water that Caleb had passed him when talking had dried his throat, sat up a little straighter and his features which had softened at the retelling of his experience hardened at Sam's accusation.

"And just how do you figure that Sammy?"

Sam gulped involuntarily at the dark tone. You could call his brother a lot of things and get away with it - hell in most cases he would probably agree - but you never ever called him a liar unless you had proof. And scamming didn't count.

"I'm not saying that you were lying" Sam hastened to assure, "I'm saying that you were lied TO. There's a big difference."

"I'm aware of that Sam… so just how do you reckon the Angel of God lied to the mortal then?"

Sam noted that while still tense the tone now also carried a hint of curiosity. "Because Deborah couldn't have become an Angel…because her body was no longer pure…sex outside of marriage is a sin after all and if she gave away her virginity so easily…well I know it was you but it WAS her soul you used to make the decision so the sin must also be hers and no way would she be pure enough to become an angel…so, ergo, the so-called Angel was lying through it's pearly white teeth."

Dean watched dumbstruck as Sam smugly pointed out the flaws in the story. With the facts he had it was the only conclusion to draw but then Sam didn't have all the facts. He didn't know about the rape, about her total innocence and to convince him of the truth of Castiel's statement he would have to reveal other truths; truths that he never wanted his little brother to know. Damn…if ever he needed to come up with a plan it was now….right now… yep, now would be a good time…

"Well Dean, what have you got to say for yourself?" Sam stood, arms crossed over his chest, smirk firmly fixed as he waited for his brother to dig himself out of the hole he'd dug himself into. The others didn't dare speak. They were acutely aware of Dean's dilemma and were sure that the wily hunter was at this moment concocting a believable tale.

Dean frowned…and thought…and frowned some more. Then he threw the remaining covers off and, thanking Missouri's foresight to have brought him some pants to wear, made a dash for the stairs.

"DEAN!" Sam's voice thundered.

"Sorry Sam… pregnant guy has to pee!"

Leaving his audience with their jaws hanging Dean practically leapt up the stairs and dived into the bathroom. He locked the door and sank down onto the closed toilet lid and, covering his face with his hands, thought the only thought that had managed to enter his head for the past couple of minutes…

"I am totally screwed!"

TBC

A/N A little shorter than normal I know but it was such a natural break point and if I'd waited for the next one the chapter would have been too long. Hope you enjoyed anyway. Next time Sam learns some unpleasant facts and Ruby is losing her patience.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter nineteen

Disclaimer: If I were God I would own these characters but I'm not, Kripke is so he rules over it all…sigh.

A/N Ruby is getting impatient in this chapter and ups her game. Sorry if I didn't reply to your wonderful reviews I appreciate them more than I can say but I've been working overtime lately to cover for a colleague's compassionate leave after the death of her father so I'm sure you'll understand and forgive me.

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The tension in the air was palpable. Caleb was glaring at Sam who in turn was making the pinched faced look that told anyone who knew him well that he was monumentally irritated. Bobby was looking as though he wished he were battling a nest of vampires instead of sitting in the middle of yet another Winchester confrontation and Missouri, whose expression was one of relative serenity was actually wondering if slamming all the male heads together would produce some common sense or just result in a seismic event due to the hard headedness of the material she had to work with. Her sixth sense rather than her sense of hearing told her when Dean made an appearance on the upstairs landing but she didn't say anything. She could detect a little fear and a wisp of amusement and reckoned that the elder Winchester brother was having similar thoughts to hers though she wouldn't be surprised if it were her head that he was including in his own slamming plan. She had to admit that for her blind stubborness over the years in refusing to see behind the artfully crafted mask Dean had created she well deserved a bash on the cranium with her own wooden spoon.

Dean watched as Sam and Caleb stood facing each other in what might have been a recreation from the end of High Noon. He smiled at the sight of Bobby who was as adept at dealing with non demon style conflict as ever and was quite pleased that he didn't have a shotgun handy this time. It had taken weeks before Dad had stopped ranting about that particular confrontation. Dean smiled sadly as he came to the conclusion that, as usual, this whole scene was his fault. He should have known that Sam would pick up on the sin thing and should have had a ready answer to counter the accusation. Heck it didn't take much imagination to confirm that any sin had been laid on his own soul because he was sure that if he had consented to the sex that's what would have happened but he had done what he never did…well hardly ever. He had panicked…like a rookie… like an untrained kid…like…like…well, like Sammy. And now whatever he said, no matter how plausible, would be read by his planet sized brain of a brother as a lame-assed afterthought of an excuse. But there was nothing he could do about that now. The only thing left to him was to somehow distract his brother from pursuing his present train of thought. But how?…

"So anyway Sammy, my demon bitch is doing okay" he stroked Georgia's head affectionately as she welcomed his descent down the stairs before adding "How's yours doing?"

Caleb tried to cover up his laughter which resulted in a choked snort and Missouri shook her head in fond exasperation. Sam, on the other hand, was less than impressed.

"Don't call her that! Ruby has done nothing to you so why can't you just cut her some slack?"

"No problem bro'… I'll even knot up a noose on the end of it if you like" Dean smiled a wide yet cold smile and Sam couldn't help but think that his brother was deadly serious.

"There's just no talking to you sometimes" Sam spat before turning on his heel and storming out of the room… the slam of the front door confirming that he had also left the house.

"Dean…" Dean shrugged at Missouri's disapproving tone. The insult had served it's purpose in distracting Sam from getting too near the truth about the baby and if it hadn't been that comment it wouldn't have taken long for him to say something that the brood king would have taken offence at. It was becoming a regular thing.

"He's going to have to learn the truth eventually y'know" Bobby hated seeing either one of the boys in pain whether physically or emotionally and knew that this whole Ruby thing could lead nowhere but to disaster for both Winchesters. "He isn't gonna see that bitch for what she is without someone taking off those rose colored glasses of his."

"Maybe" agreed Dean with a tired sigh "but he's gonna hate the guts of the one who does it… is it so selfish of me to want to put it off for as long as possible?" Dean didn't pause for a reply "I'm going to have a lie down, being pregnant is a bitch on the back… speaking of which, Bobby you think that we can get that tame doctor of yours to check everything out. Sammy was right about one thing, I'll be on the front cover of every paranormal tabloid if I go to a hospital…if I'm really unlucky I might even end up on Oprah."

Bobby nodded and with a smile of thanks Dean trudged back up the stairs to the sanctuary of his room, Georgia on his heels like a protective shadow, a shadow he was grateful for…and who would have thought that a hellhound would prove to be a comfort. He had the strongest feeling that things were coming to a head and as impressed as he had been by the angel Castiel he would put his money on Georgia's teeth to defend him and his unborn child against fluffy wings any day.

'Angels wield swords as well as play harps Dean Winchester - and the wrath of God is terrible to behold when his children are threatened.'

Dean smiled as the voice in his head made itself known. 'And you wield one of these swords do ya Cas' he thought as he settled himself into the soft mattress.

'Well I can't play the harp' came the dry reply and Dean drifted off to sleep feeling safer than he had any right to expect with a demon dog at his feet and an angel in his head and if he thought he heard the soft strumming of a harp he pretended not to notice.

SpNSpNSpN

Sam strode purposely away from the house. Well he strode looking as though he had a purpose… In actual fact he felt at a total loss of what to do and what to say. This should have all been over. In his ideal world Dean wouldn't be pregnant, he wouldn't hate Ruby and everyone would treat him like the fully grown adult he was. Why did they think that he was so gullible just because he preferred to give the benefit of the doubt, because he still had some faith in others…How could that be a bad thing?

'How can it be a good thing when that benefit and that faith are offered at the expense of one's faith in family?'

Sam scowled as he finally put the pieces of a particularly annoying puzzle together. After hearing Dean's tale there was only one 'person' that so-called inner voice of wisdom could belong to.

"You…" Sam began but before he could order Dean's angel to vacate his mind a familiar figure stepped into his path. He smiled with relief at the sight of a friendly face.

Castiel watched both from above and through Sam's eyes as the demon girl waylaid the younger Winchester. He didn't loathe the demon bitch - he would have to remember to stop channelling his charge - as an angel he was quite literally above that sort of thing……but if someone were to exorcise her black heart back to the pit slowly and as painfully as possible he wouldn't necessarily stand in their way. Unfortunately there was nothing he could do on the earthly plane; even Angels had to abide by rules. He was only able to use his influence spiritually because Sam had already called upon heaven for the soul he had 'borrowed'. Unless invoked someway his actions were limited.

"So Sam, how are things going? Dean getting ready to revert to his obnoxious self?" Alright, she admonished herself, so she shouldn't let her hatred of the older Winchester show, though it made her laugh inside to wonder just what little Sammy would say if he ever found out that for all her hatred of the older brother he was the one she respected the most… in a purely professional way of course.

"Huh? Oh, no I sorta got my dates a bit mixed up. Dean is already Dean again." He didn't respond to her barb since he was loathe to piss anyone else off today - some TLC would be quite welcome at this moment, besides Dean could be obnoxious when he put his mind to it even he would agree on that.

"So why the long face? Nothing got left behind did it? Not about to start singing Soprano in the choir?"

Sam smiled and some of the tension released from his body at her joke but then he thought of what HAD been left behind, though not in the way she meant and he tensed again. He expected her to laugh uproariously at his brother's plight but was surprised not only at her silence but at the look of concern that crossed her face as he told her of the days events.

"Well at least he survived the transfer, that's got to be good news right?" Ruby hesitated just a little and shuffled her feet nervously. In truth while the hesitation was completely fake since she had been practicing this moment all night the nervousness was all too real. Even down in the pit the demon world had heard the terrible beauty of Dean's female form ascending. She also knew that even if it had only been for mere moments the unborn child had to have been in the holiest of presences too. This made the child tainted for her purposes. Her plan to create a dark dynasty of herself, Sam and the child was no longer viable. In fact once the child was born neither she, nor any other demon, would be able to remain near it without feeling God's holy wrath, and even worse his all consuming love. She almost shuddered at the mere thought of it. Even sweet trusting Sammy might get a clue when she suddenly started smoking at the crib side, and she didn't mean Marlboro lights! A change of plan was definitely in order, but after priming him with thoughts of a 'normal' life would he go for the other side of the coin? And he was the impetuous type so she would have to ensure that he didn't rush in where angels…yada yada yada.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know what you…"

"Ruby! It's obvious that something I've said has scared you… please tell me, I can help."

"You…you won't like it… you won't believe me. And it's far from a certainty, I could be wr…"

Sam flashed her a reassuring smile but his heart was thumping hard in his chest. "Please tell me" he repeated.

"It's just that there has been talk down below, even demons can't resist gossip you know" she was rewarded with a tight little smile at that but she could tell that she was winding the emo boy up nicely. The trick was not to push too hard or too far. She continued in as sincere a manner as possible. And by now if there was an oscar for ersatz sincerity she would have won it by now.

"Well before your brother's transformation some of them were wondering…you know how there are prophesies about events… usually documents written by hermits and priests. And the bible itself that tells of the ultimate apocalypse?"

"Revelations" Sam acknowledged ignoring the feeling of butterflies which he put down to nerves but which was actually Castiel leaving his mind to fully concentrate on the events unfolding… Surely the demon wouldn't be so bold, or so foolish?

"That's right. Well you white hats…"

"US white hats" Sam corrected automatically.

Ruby blushed prettily - a damned difficult body function to fake - and continued.

"Well the bad guys have their own prophesies and ancient writings, especially about the end of human rule on earth…"

"And?" Sam was frowning now. He knew that there was something not right about the whole angels and babies thing.

"It's just a legend really, a myth even. But our blackest books, ones which never even leave the pit, tell of a child born of man who will be marked with Satan's seal and will give himself over to the dark and lead the demon horde from hell to regain their rightful place in heaven."

"The Antichrist?" Why would you think that this baby would be the antichrist? There are millions of human babies born every year"

"No Sam, you don't get it. Unlike your religious books ours are very literal and uncorrupted by copying or editing. The book of the end of days specifically says 'a child born of man'.

To Ruby's delight Sam paled as her emphasis stabbed home.

"You mean…"

"Yes Sam… a child quite literally born from the body of a man. That's why no-one downstairs has paid it much attention, because it's a biological impossibility… or at least it was. Needless to say the demons down below will be quite excited when they hear about our mother to be."

Sam was horrified. How could he tell Dean that he was starring in their own version of Rosemary's baby. How could they cope with the realization that they might have to kill a baby…Dean's baby, or risk ending the world.

"Oh God! Come on Ruby we have to warn Dean, we…"

"NO!"

Sam looked at Ruby's hand as she pulled him back from his set course…Didn't she understand what she had just said, how important this was?

"We mustn't panic Sam, that won't do anyone any good, least of all Dean."

"But…"

"At the moment it's just a myth…after all how many stories in the bible came true? How much of the prophesies of Old Mother Shipton and Nostradamus turned out to be nonsense? Besides the prophesy doesn't say that the baby will be evil from conception but that he will be marked and that he will sell his soul for power and become evil….looks like it runs in the family" she added in a mutter but Sam's brain was whirling on overdrive and he didn't hear her.

"So we have months yet to decide what to do. We'll need to research and maybe get Bobby on side. How excited are these demons? Are we in danger…Is Dean in danger, yet?"

Ruby sighed silently. She had nearly lost him for a moment there but she still had him concerned enough not to be thinking too clearly. Luckily he had her to do his thinking for him she smirked as he studied his shoes, his brow furrowed in worry.

" The demons will wait and see what the signs say nearer the birth. They won't want to declare war on heaven based on myth and supposition. As for research and telling Bobby that might be a good idea but there may be a better way. A way that could tell us definitely whether the child is a danger or not. In fact if the child is marked then it would also end the problem before it even begins."

Sam couldn't believe that this was happening. In just a day he'd gone from delight at getting his brother back to discussing the possible birth of the antichrist. He couldn't let Dean give birth to such an abomination. A man who had spent his whole life defending the innocent and weak against evil, destined to be the bearer of the ultimate evil. It would kill him. If Ruby had a plan that would save his brother that grief then he was all for it… except it sounded very much as though…

"Are you saying that we should kill…"

Ruby knew that this would be the crux of Sam's hesitance. She had it covered.

"Good grief no!" She smiled reassuringly and gave his arm a playful nudge watching the fear fade from the wide eyes and the breath release in a sudden huff of too long held air. She knew better than to try and turn Sam into a baby killer - well not with his consent anyway.

"I know of this potion. It's very rare and takes months to prepare but if Dean drinks it and his unborn baby is demonic then it will act like an internal exorcism - the baby will just cease to be. If it's marked but not evil or if it's normal then it will be born and we can take it from there."

Sam looked worried but also curious.

"I…I'm not sure…what about Dean? How will this potion affect him?"

'Oh it will kill him stone dead in the middle of child-birth and it will look like natural causes. I'll blame it on the 'demon' baby which, thanks to the poison won't even look human when it's born dead.' Oh how she wished that she could say those words.

"The potion doesn't affect humans at all Sam, that's why it's so perfect" She could almost taste his indecision and knew that the seed had been planted, time to back off. About to change the subject she was therefore surprised at Sam's next question.

"Do you think that the father was a demon? Could Deborah have been seduced on purpose just to fulfil the prophecy.?"

"Oh! I never thought of that" Ruby could have kicked herself for not thinking of that. She couldn't afford to have her future consort…or rather puppet, chasing after Dean's rapist, not since he could identify her as his employer. She was sure that if Dean were inclined to admit to his ordeal he would have said something by now so she was safe from that quarter but better to head Sammy off at the pass.

Sam waited patiently while Ruby considered his idea. Hopefully she would be able to help track down the demon responsible and they could get some answers. Sure Dean/Deborah had been stupid but his anger had long worn off and now he just wanted to protect his brother.

"I'd leave it if I were you."

Now that was an answer that he hadn't expected.

"What! But…"

"It doesn't necessarily follow that the father is a demon. It's Dean being male that fulfils the prophecy. Besides if we let on that we know then they might decide to cut their losses and kill Dean and the baby."

Okay, she thought, so it's a bit lame but Sam was always the sort to clutch at straws in the hope of a happy ending. She relaxed as he nodded his acquiescence and soon had him diverted onto more personal topics. Amazing, she mused, how by switching on a males libido you could also switch off their brain.

Ruby led Sam away from down the street but couldn't help looking back as an unpleasant tingling suddenly raced up her spine. She shook it off and leaned in closer to Sam. Just adrenaline she concluded. World denomination was heady stuff.

Castiel watched as the demon and Sam walked away. He looked down at his new corporeal body. He supposed it would do, even if he looked a little like an accountant. He breathed in the fresh air for the first time in centuries and smiled as another figure materialized beside him. This figure looked nothing like an accountant but everything like the warrior he was.

"I still can't believe that she was stupid enough to do it." Michael shook his head but his eyes were sparkling with a rather unholy light for an Archangel.

"Her original plans were thwarted when Deborah ascended; she had to improvise…besides for a demon she's not that bright when it comes to semantics. Once she brought up the threat of overthrowing the Host it was tantamount to declaring war."

"It's ironic" Michael chuckled. "By making up a pack of lies and invoking a threat to heaven in order to turn Sam to the dark side and destroy Dean and his child she actually made it possible for us to enter on the corporeal plane and give them a level of protection that would otherwise have been impossible."

"The Lord does indeed work in mysterious ways" added Castiel in a deadpan delivery which earned him a slap on the back and a ringing laugh that somehow carried the sound of steel on steel in it's echo.

Castiel shivered at the sound and wondered if perhaps he should be feeling sorry for the demon girl but then he remembered Dean's pain and fear at the hands of his attacker and quickly reconsidered. He had his own task, to keep Dean and Sam together and protect the unborn innocent. He would leave the retribution to Michael… he was very good at it.

TBC

A/N Hope you enjoyed. Next chapter sees Dean adjusting to his new state and Sam finally learns at least part of the truth about the baby's conception**.**


	20. Chapter 20

A Year and a Day Chapter 20

Disclaimer - I don't own them - and now that Kripke has gone who does?

A/N The Archangel Michael in my story is MY Michael. As is Castiel and by that I mean that they won't necessarily run true to canon. I'm afraid I am of the old school, I like my angels a little more good and a little less manipulative. I suppose I had John Travolta's Michael in mind as I wrote his scenes in case anyone cares : ) though of course the original Castiel belongs to Kripke ( and God of course)

A/N I write because I love it but I only do what RL allows me to do and it hasn't been very accommodating of late so sorry. I've also been toying with an idea for a disabled yet strong Dean story with unredeemable jerk Sam and supportive or possibly slash Caleb and supportive John - let me know what you think ( without flaming ) It'll be a bit of a rambling tale, heavy on angst and hope with a happy ending and non romantic oc's but won't be for Sam fans.

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Dean was bored. B.O.R.E.D bored.

It had only taken a few days before the novelty of being back in his own body had worn off. Even the regained ability to pee standing up had lost it's simple pleasure, although he could well imagine that as the baby bump grew bigger he might have to re-think that particular function due to aiming issues! He had tried to keep himself busy but Bobby had shooed him away in horror when he'd found him under the Impala half way through a tune up. Something about his 'delicate condition'. And Dean, much as he loved the old coot would have hit him for that if he hadn't already been so mad at Sam who was watching him like a hawk for no apparent reason. He would glare at him and then in the blink of an eye the angry expression would morph into wounded puppy level concern. Honestly! Wasn't the pregnant male meant to be the one with the mood swings?

The sound of the doorbell immediately put the elder hunter on the alert but also brought a hopeful end to his monotony. It couldn't be Bobby because he was out on a hunt and Missouri had her key. Sam was upstairs and was probably asleep after being on his laptop all night researching God knew what and Caleb… Caleb was heading toward the door gun in hand, which was okay if their caller was an angry spirit, or Ruby - but she would have set off the wards like any other demon ho. However if their caller was selling girl scout cookies it was a bit of an overkill, they didn't taste that bad! Dean took a leap over the couch and practically skidded to a stop with his hand on the doorknob before Caleb could do much more than give him an exasperated glare.

"Hello Ma'am, can I help you?"

Doctor Miranda Calder stood on the doorstep, aware that she was making what would probably be the strangest house call of her career. She was no stranger to the weird and often not so wonderful world of the supernatural, her father had been a hunter and had died when there was nobody to treat his unique demon inflicted injuries. She had made it her mission in life to make sure that his fellow hunters had at least one recourse to aid in their world and had treated everything from broken toes due to tripping over gravestones to vampire induced blood loss. Over the years she had helped train more medics to treat the unusual and bizarre but never, never had she had to deal with a pregnant male. She took a deep breath and smiled.

"Hello, you must be Dean. I'm Doctor Calder. Bobby called me about your… situation."

The doctor resisted the urge to turn her professional smile into a grin as a hand automatically moved protectively across the distended stomach of the young man before her. Even if the handsome man hadn't acknowledged his identity with a nod that action was an admission. It also told her everything she needed to know. This man wanted to keep his baby. She had doubted Bobby's claim. She couldn't believe that a man would voluntarily carry a baby to term, especially given the circumstances of it's conception - and that was something that she would keep to herself for while she knew that Dean had given his surrogate uncle permission to discuss such things with her she was also aware that it wasn't common knowledge. Her respect for this particular Winchester, famous already in their world for his integrity and passion for helping people ( and not every hunter had such pure motives for their lives of violence) increased.

"Please come in Doctor, we weren't expecting you until tomorrow."

Miranda tactfully ignored the loaded gun in Dean's companion's hands as she entered the house, no doubt having passed under or over a devils trap and took a seat on the indicated couch. Given their circumstances she didn't blame them for their caution. She gratefully accepted the proffered glass of what she was pretty sure was holy water from the protective older man. In fact she almost presumed that he was Dean's brother but she knew for a fact that Sam was the younger sibling. She was glad that Dean obviously had such a close friend because he would certainly need all the support he could get, this was uncharted territory for all of them.

Caleb relaxed slightly as the doctor passed the holy water test. She had already walked over the devils trap that was painted on the floorboards under the oriental style rug. Just because they were expecting her didn't mean they could relax their guard and with Sam away with the fairies and Dean having enough on his plate he figured that it was up to him to be the cautious one. Still, he had been raised to treat his guests with respect so with an unspoken conversation with his honorary brother he felt okay in leaving doctor and patient together while he made tea. Luckily, after enquiring, Doctor Calder opted for the Earl Grey. Coffee was off the menu whenever Dean was in the house because it made him nauseous still.

Without Caleb's presence Dean found himself unexpectedly, and unusually, at a loss for words. He hated doctors at the best of times and this was hardly the best of times.

"Um… well I guess they didn't prepare you for this kind of thing at medical school huh?"

Miranda's heart went out to the young man. Hunters made notoriously bad patients but after all that Dean had been through he deserved not to have to suffer further humiliation. Unfortunately medical supervision at this stage of his pregnancy was vital especially given his gestational diabetes.

"No, I can honestly say that I was never offered classes in male pregnancy… although many men do suffer sympathetic pregnancies along with their pregnant partners."

"Guess that must be really embarrassing" 'But at least it's vaguely normal' he thought morosely as the full weight of his condition, or at least how his condition must be perceived by others, hit him. He resisted the urge to curl his hand protectively over his stomach at the thought of how many people, and other creatures, would not want this baby to be born.

"Yes, but it certainly gives them an appreciation for what their partners are going through" Miranda replied lightly although she had seen the shadow pass across the hunter's features… I'll do everything I can to ensure that this experience goes okay for you Dean - I am on your side, yours and the baby's."

'Pull yourself together Winchester' The thought was Dean's but somehow the voice was his fathers. Miranda watched as whatever thoughts had been worrying Dean were banished.

"So Doc, what do we do?"

Caleb chose the moment of Deans question to bring the tea tray through and Dean brightened as he smirked at the sight of his waitress and wondered if he would survive mentioning how 'adorable' his friend would look in a frilly apron. He decided against it as Caleb delivered a glare his way, not that he could have known what he was thinking… well probably not.

After Caleb had poured and Dean had congratulated him on his baking skills as he nibbled a chocolate chip cookie - 'bastard knows they came in a packet' Caleb ground his teeth and smiled while the doctor watched with the same amusement she would give to two nine year olds she decided it was time to get down to business.

"So Dean why don't you tell me how this pregnancy has been going for you so far, and don't worry about the paranormal aspects, Bobby already covered that; just concentrate on how you feel about it all.

"He did?" Dean couldn't hide the nervousness from his voice and Caleb was now paying back the smirk in spades. "What exactly did he say?" Bobby was the greatest guy in the world but he wasn't the most diplomatic.

Miranda's smile grew into a grin. "It went something like 'A bastard forced this baby on him; God took it back and an Angel returned it and now he's whining 'cause his pants don't fit'"

Despite the brevity of Bobby's summary neither man could find fault with it so they merely shrugged and Dean snatched another cookie. If his pants were going to betray him he might as well give them a good reason… he WAS eating for two after all!

"Well I guess the problems really started when I fell down the stairs….."

SpNSpNSpN

Sam pushed himself away from the desk and the laptop that was about as useful as a chocolate coffeepot.

Nothing! How could something so important, so apocalyptic as this not throw up one red flag on the many sites devoted to the supernatural?

Sam ran his hand shakily through his unruly hair, the shaking due as much to frustration as the God knew how many cups of coffee he had consumed during the night. He just couldn't understand how there was no activity. Ruby had said that the underworld was buzzing with gossip and speculation but nothing had filtered out to the 'real' world. Just one site warning that the antichrist was coming and that the world would end half way through Oprah - but that site had been predicting the apocalypse since 1969. He lay back on his bed vaguely aware of voices downstairs but too absorbed to do anything about it. Caleb was with Dean so he would be safe… for now.

Sleep failed to come, not that his spinning thoughts gave Morpheus much of a chance to work his magic. Something was just not right. Sam felt like everyone was keeping secrets, like everyone was lying to him. But they were his family, they wouldn't do that.

"You did."

Sam shot upright and reached automatically for the shotgun propped up against the wall. His hand fell away slowly as he recognized the voice… a voice that until now he had heard only inside his head.

"You're Castiel."

Castiel raised an eyebrow at Sam's accusation, for accusation it was. It actually made quite a refreshing change from the normal awe his presence inspired.

"I am aware of that thank you."

Sam hadn't liked the mouthy angel when he was inside his head and his opinion hadn't changed any.

"What are you doing here? How did you get in? What the hell do you want with us?" Sam's lips twitched in satisfaction at the wince his blasphemous reference triggered. It was a short lived satisfaction as the angel stood, seeming suddenly so much bigger than his average human height would suggest. The younger Winchester's unease grew as the man, who was so obviously more than a man began to glow with an ethereal cold light, an impression of massive white wings shimmering at the angels back.

"YOU DARE QUESTION ME?"

Sam felt as though his eardrums were about to burst and wondered why nobody was rushing up the stairs to his aid before realising that the voice was inside his head… he really hated that. Nevertheless his anger gave way to fear as the sheer weight of the angel's power and authority weighed down on him, on his soul. Sam lowered his head in submission and not a little shame. He had always been the one in their small family who had believed, who had prayed and now he was the one questioning God's representative… brilliant move!

"It is not your questions that anger me Samuel, it is your attitude."

The words might well have been his fathers so often had he been told the same thing over the years but at least the decibels had reduced and the burning light had reduced to a shimmering glow.

"I'm sorry" he replied, his contrition genuine even though his curiosity was undiminished.

"I know."

Sam glanced sharply at the angel, was that a hint of… of smugness? Could angels even be smug? Was that allowed?

"And in answer to your questions I am here because my help is needed; I got in because nothing can keep a representative of the Lord out and as to what I want…. I wish to serve. I am an Angel of the Lord, to serve is my reason for being."

'Well that told me exactly nothing' Sam noted with frustration. He tried again.

"And who do you want to serve" having an angel on side might be a good thing… but then if the baby were normal would an angel even have turned up? Although his voice had been pestering him for a long time now, certainly before the re-transformation…. But then again….God! His head was beginning to ache.

"I serve my Father.""Then what does God want?" Sam was getting beyond frustrated now and he couldn't believe he had just asked that question… and by the expression of amused disbelief on his rather handsome yet ordinary face neither could the Angel.

"You expect me to question the motives of the Father?"

"No." The word was borne on a tired and defeated sigh.

"So what do you want with me?"

That, it seemed, had been a much better question, at least from the Angels point of view.

"Please sit down."

Sam sat back on the edge of the bed, he had a feeling that it hadn't been a request and that to do as he was told would be more productive in the long run. He almost smiled as the thought occurred to him that this celestial being reminded him of Dad… John Winchester being likened to an angel, yeah right! Castiels next words took the smile straight off his face and he clenched his hands into tight enough fists to mark his palms as he fought to keep his temper under control.

" Your brother needs you and you are failing him."

Sam willed himself to remain seated and calm, outwardly at any rate, but his anger was obvious in his tightly controlled, clipped tones.

"I love my brother. I would do anything for him… I would die for him and I'm doing my best to help but you do not understand what's at stake here" his eyes narrowed at the lack of curiosity on the bland features of the angel. "Or do you?" His anger wouldn't let him stay still and he was suddenly in front of Castiel, up close and personal. Even through his anger he registered surprise that he was taller than the angel.

"Well? Is that what this is? You playing some sort of sick game with Dean as the pawn? Because if you are then God or no God you'll regret taking on the Winchesters!"

Sam's inner common sense was screaming at him not to piss off the Angel but Castiel obviously knew more than he was letting on and Sam had been feeling increasingly out of the loop. He may have been a little emotionally charged lately and maybe a touch intolerant… well a lot, but how was he supposed to react when people kept secrets from him, not trusting him to protect his brother… after all last he heard Caleb's last name wasn't Winchester!

"No games Sam. If any games are being played they are not being played by me or my kin. And Dean's safety is my only priority."

The calm delivery and the obvious sincerity humbled the youngest Winchester but there also seemed to be an underlying meaning to the angels words that he couldn't quite grasp. He put it aside to ponder over later.

"So what do you want from me?"

Castiel relaxed a little. He knew that Sam would come through but was pleased that the sharp intellectual brain hadn't ruled over his naturally caring heart for once. The Angel took a moment to gather his thoughts. He needed Sam to be totally behind his brother and to see the demon for what she was but he knew that Dean would never put his little brother through such emotional turmoil. In a way Dean's greatest strength, his protectiveness and loyalty to family which filtered down into his defence of innocent strangers for no other reason than that they too had families, was also his greatest weakness. Sam needed to see the truth but he doubted whether Dean would ever tell him and those in the know were too afraid of hurting the already emotionally fragile elder Winchester to do the job. But the rules of what Sam had more accurately than he knew had called 'the game' prevented him from interfering in Sam or Dean's free will. Still, a little nudge couldn't hurt… well actually it would hurt but it was necessary to heal the wounds that Ruby had caused.

"I need you to… to stop using your brain so much."Sam rocked back on his heels in shock. Well, he hadn't expected that!

"Huh?"

"Your brother operates on what he would call gut instinct. He trusts those instincts implicitly and they seldom prove him wrong….""I'm not my brother." The answering glare told Sam that it was obviously very not the done thing to interrupt a messenger from God. He tried to look contrite although his irritation was bubbling up again.

"No you're not." Sam frowned at the hint of wistfulness in Castiel's tone and the Angel bit down on the smile that threatened. "You use your intellect to come to the same conclusions that your brother comes to with his gut. You research and analyse… and you do it exceptionally well" he added before Sam could let rip again. "But sometimes Dean jumps into a situation without all the information he needs and sometimes you miss the subtle details because you are too intent on getting every possible detail in the whole picture."Sam couldn't argue with that but if the Angel was trying to get him to see something he had missed why didn't he just come out with it. For all her faults Ruby was at least direct in telling him what he wanted to know. Sam felt a shiver along his spine at that thought but he couldn't figure that out either. He added it to all the other things that were puzzling him to work out when he had a millenium or so to spare!

"So what do I do?"

"You are a Winchester Sam. Instinct is strong in all of you. Try embracing it and see where it sends you… then use that intellect to figure out what you're missing."

Sam nodded. So he HAD missed something. His attention was drawn back to the Angel by the sudden serious, one might almost say portentous tone in his voice.

"But don't take too long figuring it out Sam. Everything is at stake and time is running out."

Sam felt his blood run cold but before he could ask any more questions Castiel popped out of existence as suddenly as he had arrived. Sam had a lot to figure out and it was pretty obvious that failure to do so would end in tragedy.

No pressure then.

SpNSpNSpN

Miranda checked the blood glucose reading.

"Not bad, a little high though I can't think why" she said while staring pointedly at the half a cookie in Dean's hand. He put it down with all the guilt of a child caught with his hand in said confectionary jar. Dean glared at Caleb when he snatched the cookie up and munched it noisily. Huh! Some best friend.

"Seriously Dean, you're going to have to take better care of yourself. It won't be for long; after the baby is born your blood sugar levels should return to normal." Seeing the look of concern on the hunter's face she smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry, you're on the right track and all the other checks I've done show a healthy pregnancy."

Dean breathed a sigh of relief which quickly turned into an embarrassed gulp at her next words.

"Now if you just pop upstairs I'll get my box of tricks out of the car and we'll see just what this little miracle is up to."

Dean exchanged a look with Caleb that was part fear and part excitement. He was actually going to SEE his baby. Suddenly it all seemed only too real… real and scary.

SpNSpNSpN

Sam moved away from the window. He didn't recognize the woman who, With Caleb's help, was extracting some sort of equipment from her car but he figured that she wasn't a threat, mainly because Caleb hadn't shot her yet. She was probably the doctor. He felt a little twinge of jealousy that Dean hadn't called him down to be with him but he felt he was close to some kind of breakthrough and let it go. He sat back on the bed and worked through what Castiel had told him… and what he hadn't told him. Those instincts that he had been urged to use were telling him that there was more than one issue that he was missing so he concentrated on any feelings he had been having about the deal and Dean in his girl stage first since the most recent problems couldn't have triggered the sense of unease he had developed since… since when? He concentrated, putting everything aside except his interactions with his brother…

Nothing! Well nothing except seeing what an idiot he had been these past few months. He owed Dean a massive apology. He went back over the events once again but this time factored in Missouri, Bobby and Caleb. His heart began to beat faster as he recalled how their attitude had changed a little before Dean had fallen pregnant. They had become sombre and very protective… but why? Nobody had known about the baby then. Dean hadn't exactly covered himself in glory, sleeping around without protection so why were the others not behaving more… well, more like he had. Dean had been the female version of the love 'em and leave 'em Dean they all knew so well…

Except he wasn't.

Sam shot up off the bed and began to pace.

Dean did like to spread himself around but he wasn't indiscriminate and he never, ever failed to use protection no matter how much he had to drink….

And Dee hadn't had that much to drink. Okay so she was a girl but she hadn't had time to have more than a couple of drinks. And she was still Dean so she wouldn't have just gone off with some stranger she hadn't known for more than a few minutes, not knowing how potentially vulnerable she was in her female state….

Vulnerable! Dean as a girl was vulnerable! It was so easy for guys to spike a girls drink and….

"Oh God! Oh God NO!"

Sam dropped to his knees and held his head in his hands. His body shook with the shock of his sudden realisation.

"How could I have been so blind?"

SpNSpNSpN

Dean's stomach tensed as the cold gel hit his skin. His head turned to the monitor by the side of the bed and then over to Caleb who was also concentrating on the blank screen and looked, if anything, even more nervous than he did.

"Sorry it's so cold" The doctor used the device in her hand to spread the gel and they could immediately hear a swooshing sound as a fuzzy image appeared.

"Looks like a poltergeist on a foggy night" Caleb muttered as he twisted his head this way and that in an attempt to see anything that resembled a baby.

Miranda laughed. "Well that's certainly a little different to most of my clients first impression but given your jobs I'm not surprised. But if you look here…" she traced a finger around the shape and Dean drew in a sharp breath as a recognizable form appeared. He could hear by Caleb's similar reaction that he could see it too.

"My baby."

"Yes Dean, your baby. And from all the indications I would say that the pregnancy is progressing perfectly normally. Congratulations Dean."

Dean nodded but his eyes remained transfixed by the image on the screen. Moisture filled his eyes and a tear slid down his face.

Sam sat on the floor of his bedroom and hugged his knees to his chest. Tears ran freely down his face but his were tears of rage and guilt. His brother had been raped. He was sure of it. His gut told him so and his intellect backed up the conclusion. His brother had gone through that torment and he hadn't been there for him. Dean hadn't felt able to confide in his only brother… and Sam couldn't blame him, but he could certainly blame himself. What kind of a brother was he? A lousy one came the unbidden answer.

'No Sam, just a human one'

Sam smiled sadly as Castiel's voice whispered in his mind and for the first time was consoling and not critical. Somehow he couldn't bring himself to believe that he deserved it.

The Archangel Michael stepped up to the front door just as Missouri Mosely put her key into the lock.

"Ma'am" he uttered, trying for non-obtrusive nonchalance.

"Oh Dear Lord!"

Michael smiled. Some Angels just weren't created to be ignored and he was one of them. It was very handy for putting the fear of God into folks.

"Not quite Ms Mosely. If we could come in I believe we have some business to discuss…""We? Who's we? And what business?" Missouri jumped as another 'man' who hadn't been there a moment ago appeared.

"Castiel ma'am, and this is Michael… I'd like to say he's harmless but he really isn't." Castiel looked a little long suffering which somehow made Missouri feel a little less nervous. A feeling which didn't last long as Michael added cheerfully.

"And we're here to protect Dean Winchester… and stop an apocolypse.""Oh!" There really wasn't much she could say so she finished opening the door and stepped inside… to be met by the non - supernatural version of all hell breaking loose.

"I love the smell of conflict in the morning!"

Castiel sighed at Michael's enthusiasm. He and Dean were going to get along famously…

God help them all!

TBC

A/N Hope that was okay. We're on the home straight now, just a few chapters to go if I can restrain Michael long enough to get the job done… that boy does love his work LOL


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